To be annoyed at people who turn off 'read' receipts on WhatsApp?

[PrincessOfPreschool]

So basically you will never get blue ticks from them.

I know a few people who do this and it really annoys me because I now assume they've seen it but don't rant to reply. I keep my ticks on because sometimes I'm not able to check my phone frequently. I'd rather someone know I haven't seen their message yet, not that I'm ignoring them, or maybe I have seen it and just forgotten to reply - so they can prompt me.

I find it weirdly controlling that someone doesn't want me know they've read my message. Of course, you don't know when an email has been read, or a phone message listened to, but WhatsApp has that function which I think is great.

If you're someone who turns off the blue ticks, can you tell me why...

To use your example of the letter, you want to know they've lifted the envelope out of their post box, sat down, ripped it open and read it!

If only Royal Mail offered that service!

I didn't know you could switch it off (the ability for people to see you've read their message!) Going to investigate this, and switch mine off! Thanks for the heads-up @PrincessOfPreschool 😆

A mum friend has just done this to me. I scrolled all the way back and they are all grey😬 actually wondering if I have said something to cause offence?

I know my DB does this, he never has explained why though🤨

@Vettrianofan they haven't done anything to you. They have just switched off everyone's ability to see if they've read messages. You don't select who you turn it off for, it's either on or off for everyone. And why would it make you wonder if you've caused offence??

She hasn’t done it to you. If her read receipts are switched off, it’s the same for everyone. All of the people she messages/is messaged by will see the same. It’s not personal.

@Vettrianofan but your friend hasn’t done it “to you”

Can you send parcels via WhatsApp? I had no idea.

Thanks for explaining how this all works 🤦‍♀️ glad it's just something that is done for all, and on reflection I can now see the advantages to not having it set on the default. I have just changed my own settings. No doubt my DM will be whinging about that now🙈

I turn mine off so I can prioritise my tasks (and that includes responding to messages - I read them and decide if it needs an urgent reply or something more pressing needs to be done. I turn them off so people don't see I've read and not replied which I think is far worse (I'm an overthinker and would far rather think someone hasn't read my message than has read and chose not to respond)

I find it annoying to a degree. For example, my brother has his blue ticks/last seen switched off, so if I send him a message about our elderly DF's care I don't know if he's read it or been too busy to read it. He does it because his boss contacts him outside of working hours, so it's understandable.

My ex DH has everything switched off too, I don't know why, but again it's annoying when I message him time-sensitive things about the DC. If I follow up a message because of that uncertainty then I'm nagging. I also had an ex partner who had blue ticks/last seen always switched off, under the guise of not wanting to feel obligated to reply immediately to everyone. In reality he was a cheat and it helped him cover his tracks.

Having said all of that, I think there are very legitimate reasons for having blue ticks switched off, as stated by PPs here. But equally I don't think finding it annoying automatically means someone is a control freak!

Tbf I did this in my previous job where personal time was not respected - I would be messaged constantly on days off, when I was busy, at home etc - I would glance at a message to see if it was something urgent.

If I didn’t reply immediately would then be hassled with follow-up messages “can you reply to my holiday request I sent you fifteen mins ago for my trip to Tenerife in 2026.” Etc. My line manager was also notoriously bad for expecting responses whenever they sent a message - they didn’t need to know I had seen her text at 11.30pm but had decided it was perfectly reasonable not to respond.

I'm in Team OP. I want and sometimes need to know when someone has read my WhatsApp message. I need to know when it's a work thing so that I can phone instead. Sometimes the 'last online' thing is helpful when you're worried a friend might have dropped dead (living alone / in another country).

It's not about controlling these people. It's like saying you're controlling to want to know when your tracked Royal Mail parcel was delivered. Do the recipients of the parcels object to this?

I can understand people not wanting these WhatsApp features, but wonder why they'd use WA when they don't want the features - features which I consider to be benefits.

@RogueFemale a royal mail tracked parcel is the equivalent of TWO GREY TICKS which means the message has delivered to the person!! It is NOT the same as two blue ticks, which would be knowing that someone has taken the parcel in their hands, opened it and looked at whatever is inside!!!

My DM is like that too🤣

@RogueFemale I only started using it because of mum‘s neighbours helping her out. It meant that we communicate with each other across the group. It’s good for groups generally.

I would have preferred that friends continue to text, but they wanted to use WhatsApp. No one has ever objected to not seeing the blue tick though.

I also discovered it copes quite well with large file sizes.

But generally, I thought the popularity of WhatsApp started with the fact that it was Internet based. No charges for calling or messaging from abroad etc

I can understand people not wanting these WhatsApp features, but wonder why they'd use WA when they don't want the features

I use WA mainly because that’s what others use. It would be weird if someone whatsapped me and I replied via text message, wouldn’t it? Also when friends set up groups they tend to be on WA. It’s a free messaging service 🤷🏻‍♀️, I couldn’t care less about its other features.

"can understand people not wanting these WhatsApp features, but wonder why they'd use WA when they don't want the features - features which I consider to be benefits."

you consider them benefits - but not everyone does. I don't. I see these features as a sign of the stress of modern times. People expect instant responses these days and get so worked up when they know someone has read a message but not responded to it. Rather than just waiting for a response.

Personally I only use WhatsApp if that's the preferred communication method for others. It is good for group stuff. But one to one, I would still use text.

I agree it’s a controlling mechanism and a way for some people to ‘keep tabs’ on others which is unacceptable! I turned mine off because family members with nothing better to do were just stalking me!

“I want and sometimes need to know when someone has read my WhatsApp message. I need to know when it's a work thing so that I can phone instead. Sometimes the 'last online' thing is helpful when you're worried a friend might have dropped dead (living alone / in another country)."

As others have said, blue ticks just mean the message has been opened, they don’t guarantee it’s been read. People can click on a message by accident, desktop apps can mark messages as read when the recipient isn’t even in the building.
You could ask people to acknowledge messages, if it’s important, rather than monitoring their activity and coming to (possibly incorrect) conclusions based on blue ticks or their ‘last seen’ time.

“It's not about controlling these people. It's like saying you're controlling to want to know when your tracked Royal Mail parcel was delivered. Do the recipients of the parcels object to this?”

Royal Mail telling you your parcel has been delivered is the equivalent of two grey ticks. You know their phone is on, they have signal, and the message has arrived.
I don’t object to that.
I would object to a tracking service that automatically notifies the sender as soon as I start to open the parcel, though.

I turned my read receipts, last seen and online status off one day when I was very busy, but one of my children was messaging about something important to them. While dealing with that, I had a message from a friend asking why I hadn’t looked at what she’d sent hours earlier, pointing out that I was “constantly online”. I didn’t have time to chat, I had to prioritise what I was doing, but seeing I was online and not communicating led to her feeling like I was ignoring her.
The ability to track my activity felt intrusive, and was causing unnecessary stress that could easily be avoided by changing a couple of settings.

Nobody needs to know when I’m engaged in conversation with other people, when I've clicked on a message, or when I last opened an app. It seems removing the option for people to monitor when I’ve looked at my phone is considered weirdly controlling and secretive (or, my personal favourite, demonstrates “a lack of confidence or a manipulative personality”) by some on here though 🤷‍♀️

It's for your friends who live alone to worry about that, not you.

But if your friend in another country did, as you put it, drop dead-what exactly could you do about it?

I agree - this is a weird thing to think. It's very rare to just drop dead and why on earth would you assume that just because someone hasn't read your message they must be dead? arent they allowed to be just busy?

A colleague of mine, who is pretty useless anyway, has turned off the read receipt thingy in Teams which drives me nuts. She’s bad enough at replying to important messages anyway, now I don’t even know if she’s read them!

There is obviously a divide between those who can cope with uncertainty and those who can't.

this reminds me of the idea of being in a relationship with someone that tries to control you