To be annoyed at people who turn off 'read' receipts on WhatsApp?

[PrincessOfPreschool]

So basically you will never get blue ticks from them.

I know a few people who do this and it really annoys me because I now assume they've seen it but don't rant to reply. I keep my ticks on because sometimes I'm not able to check my phone frequently. I'd rather someone know I haven't seen their message yet, not that I'm ignoring them, or maybe I have seen it and just forgotten to reply - so they can prompt me.

I find it weirdly controlling that someone doesn't want me know they've read my message. Of course, you don't know when an email has been read, or a phone message listened to, but WhatsApp has that function which I think is great.

If you're someone who turns off the blue ticks, can you tell me why...

I have them on but I find it useful for messages between me and DH when it's important to know when we have read texts as 90% are things like childcare pickups or grabbing stuff from the shop.

I don't care about people leaving me on read or leaving me on read though as anything very urgent would warrant a phonecall. I don't expect my contacts to be at my beck and call, nor do I sit stewing about Sarah not replying to my WhatsApp from 2 days again even though I know she's read it, because people are busy and I value my friends and family's personal time.

In fact, if you could turn them on / for certain contacts that would be great.

I have mine on because I don't generally go on WhatsApp unless I'm free to chat at that time, and if I do read it and then something distracts me from replying, I don't mind someone chasing me up a while later with a "Are you okay?" or similar.

That said, a few of my friends have theirs off and that's not a problem for me either as it's their choice.

I turned mine off because I was sick of (some) people seeing that I had read their message and expecting me to reply instantly. Sometimes it's not possible to reply instantly. Sometimes I haven't actually read your message, I've just clicked on it.

Better to wait a reasonable time for a response and then chase if needed, and not rely on the read receipt.

I turned mine off. I'll reply when I want to reply, I don't think it's anyone's business to be policing when I've seen my messages. My controlling ex used to make me have the read receipts on so he could have a go at me for not replying right away, so if anything I think your need to see when someone has read your message is controlling, not the other way round!

My ex used to get really nasty if he saw I had read a message but not replied. I would get a torrent of nasty and aggressive messages.

Yes exactly that. I used to get people sending me further '??' (and even more demanding) messages before I'd had chance to reply to the first one. Which is why I now switch my online status off.

I’m another that thinks it’s weirdly controlling that you NEED to know if I have or haven’t read it.

I have mine turned off as occasionally customers will get hold of my personal number and message me at all hours followed by ‘???’ If I don’t reply. I’ve had this on Boxing Day.

Mine are off, as is my online status.
I might want to watch a film or have a bath or just not want to be interrupted.
My phone is on silent permanently anyway. Half of the time it's not even in the same room as me.

If anyone wants to read a message and not let a read receipt go through (if you haven't switched them off) then put your phone in airplane mode read it and swipe out again before switching off airplane mode.

That'll keep people like OP on their toes!

Controlling people never think they are controlling

I think if you drill down into it you can see they’ve read it anyway.

Low level annoys me too 😆 lol I find it controlling that people want to hide they’ve read a message. I mean why hide it 🤣🤣WHY?! 😬

I turned mine off exactly because of people like you OP, who started demanding why I hadn't replied when they knew I'd seen it.

Yeah, in the nicest possible tone, I care not for your need to know if your message has been read or not. I do appreciate that in your world you are a very big deal, probably the most important person you know in fact, so I emphasise with why you’d think your message was so important that you’d like to keep tabs on developments.

But, and here’s the catch I’m afraid, you’re very unlikely to be such an equally big deal in my world, and that also might be applicable to your message. You may be one of many, some of whom I may find more interesting or urgent.

You’ve done your bit though by sending it, so well done you. But you can now stand down and occupy yourself with other pursuits.
The ball is now in my court and I’ll choose whether I read it, when I’ll read it, whether I’ll reply to it and if so when I’ll reply to it on my terms. Don’t worry though, I understand the concept of messaging and the mutual told we both play, but this stage of things is all on me. I’m accountable for the next bit, I know this.

The blue ticks is like having the postman standing in your porch, handing you the mail as you’re rushing out to the car and then just looking at you waiting for you to open it. It’s odd.
Equally, if I send you a message, a don’t give a chuff when you read it, the next time I’ll think about is if a reply from you comes through. If I don’t get one I’ll either chase up or accept a non response.

I turn all this bollocks off and put max privacy / minimal visibility settings on all tech stuff.
Like the ‘last time I was seen’ thing 😂😂😂
You're a fucking messaging tool not an elite SAS surveillance operative, so just stick to delivering messages like a good little app and wind your neck in.

I turned mine off because certain recipients would infer things if I’d read the message but hadn’t replied or they’d seen when I was last online. I reply when I’ve got time/feel like it. Have to say I distanced myself from such people but still prefer the privacy

This absolutely .

Well I had an abusive ex who would send really nasty messages if he saw I had read but I didn't reply. Is that enough of a why?

Why? Because I don't want to get a load of grief for not replying to a message right away.

I honestly think it's controlling to demand to know the instant someone has read a message. We live in a world where anyone can contact us at any time via god knows how many communication channels. People need to have the freedom to be able to determine when and how they reply without the anxiety or fear of expectations. Just because blue ticks were introduced as the default doesn't mean Whatsapp has the authority to dictate the new standard for communication in society, we decide that and, as you say, if I turn off blue ticks, I also can't see when my messages are read or not so it's not like I'm having my cake and eating it.

You mentioned transparency in another reply. No one owes anyone transparency, we're not government agencies, we're people! If I chose to not want someone else to know when I've read a message that I didn't ask them to send, that's my right. In a small way, I get what you're saying, it's frustrating when you don't get a reply to a message you see as important but you're way off the mark here.

By the way, I also think people who request read receipts for routine e-mails are the devil's spawn, but that's just me.

Transparency is an interesting thing to bring up. I don't think there are many people in my life who I owe or am owed that level of transparency from. Do my casual acquaintances who I'll be meeting up with at the weekend have a right to know this instant if I am prioritising eating my lunch over replying to their messages? I don't think so, and I don't want to know that about them either.

I am not a government report, I'm a person trying to balance a million different priorities and I'm entitled to choose how I do that without circulating a timetable of how I manage my relationships with people.

🤣🤣🤣 perfectly put

I like the blue ticks as if i can see the message has been read then I am not always bothered about a reply just glad they have the information.

I do occasionally turn it off as i have a friend who can be overwhelming with messages, they are struggling and get upset if i dont reply quickly so turning it off makes life easier sometimes. Wheb i see others who leave unread i just assume they must have a group chat or person who is too much on whatsapp and don't take it personally.

I turn them off because of people like you tbh who I know are monitoring me and will expect me to jump to their tune regardless what I'm doing at the time.
I want to reply when I've got time to reply not fire something back the second I've read it because the sender will be pissed off if I don't.
If something is urgent the tiny WhatsApp machines also make phone calls.

I turned mine off.

DD asked me to put it back on again - she said it was weird not knowing if I'd read them - so I did.

I have the blue ticks turned off.

The reason I do it is is that I hate the expectation that we’re always available to chat or respond to a message. I see a lot of people complain about being ‘left on read’, indicating that there is an expectation that the recipient of a message ought to reply immediately. People don’t like knowing that you have read their message and not replied; having read receipts off saves me from worrying about that.

It also helps me manage my own anxiety about other people seeing my messages. It’s freeing to not worry about whether they’ve seen it or not. It allows us both the grace to get on with our lives without that hanging over us.

I think it’s interesting that you describe it as controlling when people don’t have their read receipts on. Surely something can only be controlling if it forces you to change your own behaviour in some way?

I suspect it’s partly because they don’t want people to see when they were last on WhatsApp. I have a friend who is great in person, fine on text message but a weird, spammy nightmare on WhatsApp. I’ve put her on mute for a bit but I suspect she is checking when I (and others) were last on.

I would really like it if WhatsApp (or Meta) had the option to prevent people from leaving voice notes.