To think DH is deactivating the Ring doorbell so I can’t see what he’s doing?

[Clueless2000]

Posting for traffic.

Long story short - I think he has a drink problem. And I think he buys booze in secret.

I can sometimes see on our family tracker that he’s left the house when I’m out but when I later check the Ring on my phone, there is often no alert to show he’s gone out at that time - no videos in the history.

I think he’s somehow turning off alerts so I don’t get them and can’t see videos of him returning to the house with a carrier bag of drink.

I’m not very tech savvy - could he be doing that??

Could you fit him with a tagged collar?

Has he ever tried AA or anything similar?

Yes. Hedge vodka is a thing.

Amazon lockers too.

That’s why you find all those empty bottles in Hedges

If you wanted absolute proof, you could buy a home breathalyser kit, then when you confront him and he vehemently denies he has been drinking, you could ask him to prove it. If he refuses, you know why he has been drinking. I appreciate even asking him to do this could spell the end of your relationship, but it sounds like it is dead in the water anyway.

Is he working, in what time do you think he is drinking? Does he smell like alcohol? Does he look red in the nose with puff bags under his eyes?

Do you think you can carry with him if is cheating his way around you instead openly talking to you about all that life entails, even too much drink? Why is the like that? What he wants from the relationship with you?

Ours mucks about, as does the cctv. Sometimes it just doesn't pick up activity, which is annoying given what it's installed for! Our WiFi is pants though. We also gave a family location app on our phones, but this also occasionally has a blip and misses stuff. Technology!! 🙄

ODFOD.

You've clearly no experience of dealing with an alcoholic. It's fucking devastating. The alcoholic in my life died. I wish I'd tracked their movements a thousand times more than I did.

Can you google Ring activate?
It's not that hard..... I'm a real tech dumbo and was pleasantly surprised with myself

I do wish everybody suggesting ways for the person to tackle his alcoholism could read my post about what Al Anon say about the relationships within the family about dealing with alcoholism.

She cannot cure him, stop making her feel like she can.

i have never known a post on mumsnet where an alcohol dependency has been minimised.

well I have, often under the guise of

youre being controlling
you have no right to tell them what to do

that type of attitude is endemic on here, and it does minimise heavy drinking and having to live with a heavy drinker. It depends what thread you're on as to the attitudes of posters. Ditto porn.

Just wanted to say, I know you say you are worried about the effects on your children if you split, but pleased be mindful of the effects on them if you stay. Google 'adult children of alcoholics' to get some insight.

I'm such a child. My mum stayed. It's affected me and my siblings badly.

Good luck op and strength to you. The level of secrecy and manipulation addicts will go to is astonishing so I can understand why you have been looking at the tracker/ring doorbell.

If he's an alcoholic, it's only going to get worse. I guarantee he's in denial about being an alcoholic and probably is drink-driving, among other things. I've a friend who's an alcoholic and she's always needing to go to the toilet to 'do her makeup' or finds a reason to pop back to the house when we're out, then reappears half an hour later, smothered in the strong-smelling perfume she uses to cover the smell of booze, but eyes rolling, reeling, and repeating herself endlessly. She drink drives - because she won't admit she's been drinking - but her solution is to literally drive everywhere at under 30 mph, even on the motorway. I really hope she gets pulled over and breathalysed one day as it might be the wakeup call she needs (although it probably wouldn't be tbh).

Anyway, it's just too destructive to raise kids around this. I am really sorry, but IMHO you don't have any choice but to kick him out. Maybe that will be a wakeup call, although again, I don't know. My friend's husband died horribly from alcoholism and even that wasn't a wakeup call for her.

Why do you 'think' he's spending the money?
Do you have separate finances? Is he still able to pay bills? (You don't want a nasty shock)
Is he obviously drunk? Fit to drive?

Why on earth haven't you reported her to the police?

How will you feel if she kills someone?

With the greatest of respect because, trust me, I've been there - even if you track their movements you can't control their drinking. The only way you can be sure an alcoholic isn't drinking is if they're asleep or you've locked them in a room.

It wasn't your fault.

For one thing, she doesn't live in the UK. Aso, I could report her to the police but unless she's caught red-handed, they won't do anything. They could visit and talk to her about her drinking, but she'll just deny everything.

Hi OP, please look into your local Change Grow Live branch, they are a charity specialising in substance misuse including alcohol. They can support your husband and potentially help him with an alcohol detox, if he wants to engage. They also have support groups for family members like yourself

If I lived with someone who 'tracked' me when I was out then I too would be disabling the spy bell, and buying a new phone. Why is it so acceptable for women to be so controlling?

Maybe it's clear why he drinks, living with such a controlling person!

I was going to say you were unreasonable but after reading all your updates, you aren't.

Where is he hiding all the bottles? My mum was an alcoholic and I could hear the bottle being opened from upstairs, she would hide it in her tea etc. So can fully sympathise living with one!

I'm not sure about Ring as I have Blink but even if you did have evidence, he would lie it was bread/ milk. You need to find the bottles - even then they still deny it. No one likes to admit they have a problem and get very defensive.

Don't think my post added anything but good luck, it sounds like it's going to be a difficult time for you.

Why don't you just get rid of the bloody things? They day I get a Ring doorbell or an Alexa will be the day hell freezes over.

And no, I don't have anything to hide.

If he wants to hide it he will find a way and then hide the empty cans / bottles. You could confront him but it might make him defensive and lie, which is what people who are hiding stuff do. Could you find a way to bring up what you think without mentioning the doorbell so he’s got no reason to come back and blame you for checking ?
What is a family tracker ?

Omg - I thought I was the only one 😂

This is why I won't go anywhere near this stuff.