I actually can’t stand chronically late people

[Cadela]

Time blindness is not a thing. I have adhd and uncontrolled epilepsy, I know how hard it is, but constantly being late is the most disrespectful thing I think people can do.

Having to tell someone something starts half an hour later so they may show up on time is ridiculous.

It actually isn’t hard. If you have an appointment or an event, PLAN. If you can’t make it on time, get up earlier.

Yes I’m snotty because I have a friend who has no disabilities and every single time we plan something has never made it at the right time. Drives me fucking potty.

But you get to decide it's really a thing?

Everyone has flaws, your friend may be late but you seem rude and unnecessarily highly strung about someone being on time to a social event. It’s so self centred to think their lateness is about you.

But why does it always mean being late? If its 'no concept of time' surely there must be people always inordinately early?

I’d look at your own syndrome first, although not sure there is a cure for being an arsehole…

It wastes my time, which is the most deadly of all sins.
They have the use of their brains and their hands just like I do. What they don't have is the respect to learn.

It infuriates me. I don't meet with late people any more, if we're going to something like a class or show that starts on time.
I went to a class with a chronically late friend. She drove. It doesn't occur to her that there are variabilities on the drive. Then we know we have to find somewhere to park and then walk up to the venue. Then get signed in, take off coats, get changed, go to the loo etc. But she just doesn't think of those things on the way that aren't just the drive, and of course we arrived late. It doesn't stress her either. Totally unbothered! I was embarrassed arriving late.

I have a friend who was late to her own destination wedding. She doesn't have ADHD. I have asked.

She's still my friend, but I don't plan important stuff with her anymore. Definitely no travel or weekends away.It's too stressful missing trains and planes. Just coffees for which I turn up 30 minutes after the agreed time. I take the Tube, she takes cabs She is still always late.

My life is pretty hard, so there is a limit to what I can accommodate.

Oh you made an patronising edit while I was responding… I don’t have to accept anything thanks. I acknowledge that some people on this thread are not very nice individuals but it doesn’t mean I need to give their (crappy) views credence. Maybe you should consider other people’s views?

I have ADHD and I am chronically early for everything to overcompensate. I get so angry when people are late, ESPECIALLY if I’m doing them a favour eg giving a lift.
Totally disrespectful. Had an awful friend for this in my early twenties. Eventually just stopped inviting her to things.

Well it was my life until I started medication, so yes, I do.

I have anxiety over missing expensive flights or trains or theatre or cinema, so I have decided that takes precedence when travelling or attending shows with time blind friends.

That's all totally understandable, you've recognised an issue and built in a workable fix.

Why should you have to put up with others not doing the same?

👏

They're are. They're massive selfish self congratulatory arseholes. Give me the late comers any day. It's polite to be ONE TIME. Not early.

So drive yourself and meet her there. Simple.

@LameBorzoi well then maybe others should take your lead and sort the situation out, rather than inconvenience others and lose friends?

It's fixable and therefore fix it!

If I am early I self correct by taking a walk or having a coffee. Not possible if you are late.

Most people with ADHD do make huge efforts to be early, and there's a lot of anxiety and self loathing that goes into that. However, it's really, really emotionally costly, and it all falls apart every now and then

@LameBorzoi this thread is about chronic and repetitive lateness, not the odd "falling apart".

@Cadela

what @Barleysugar86 said much more nicely than I was going to.

just because its easy for YOU, doesn't mean it's 'easy' for everyone.

you have ADHD, people make allowances for you, so how dare you say other people's difficulties aren't real??

if you have a problem with your friend, tell her, don't bitch that 'Time blindness' isn't 'a thing'

im telling you, since my accident, it IS a thing. It didn't used to be 'a thing' for me before, but it is now. I can plan till the cows come home, but I still have days when bits of time just vanish.

Time blindness/ hyperfocus actually doesn't respond well to medication for a lot of people- I'm really lucky.

Also, do you have any idea how hard it is to get a diagnosis and medication in the uk?

I agree with you OP. Being constantly late to join you for anything is an indirect snub. Nine times out of ten, the same people aren't late to work, or doctors appointments, or to events with other friends 😑

It's rude and an invalidation of the importance of you, and your time being wasted. What also really annoys me is people who arrange a phone call... But it's crammed into their lunch hour, or they spend most of the call talking to people in the background. Or you think you're meeting up properly, but they need to go pick up their dry cleaning, drop in on someone you don't know for an hour, just pop and pick up their husband's clay model of a lawn mower from Johns house , just get their dog's claws clipped at the dog salon etc etc etc.

I've reduced the time I will give to people like this, because I have many challenges on my time but I still manage it with a lot of effort.

See also, people who don't apologise for being late... People who want to stay over for a week but don't bring a little token gift... People who leave you on read for weeks in an odd power play... I chose to feel better about myself by cutting all that out of my life, when I'm sure it's intentional.

Exactly, I line manage someone with time blindness and 90% of the time her strategies work, but on the odd occasion they don’t she literally goes into a meltdown because the way she views the world when things are going wrong is through a catastrophe lens.

Yes but that’s because they are major events and an inordinate amount of effort and focus goes into getting it right for such events. You can’t expect them to live every day with that level of fixation on the clock. I have a friend who gets a stress headache after arriving at an important event on time. It’s the adrenalin come down from the effort she has had to put in to achieve it.

It can be a very easy thing for others.

You don’t sound very flexible or understanding in your thinking .

If I weren't driven by crippling anxiety and self loathing, I would be at least half an hour late to everything

That’s how my friend is. It gets her so tense she gets the headache.