Clare’s law disclosure

[Rachellilllian]

I recently started seeing a guy and heard a rumour he may have hit an ex girlfriend. I did question him about it and he obviously lied, but I knew something felt off so I made an application to Clare’s law and they called me the same day with information that he is a serial domestic abuser. Clearly I need to end things but I don’t know how to navigate this. We are booked to go on holiday in a few days? Any suggestions would be appreciated

OP do you have a safe place where you can go and someone to support you?

just end it.. walk away.. even tell him if you want that you made the application! i'd rather lose the money on a holiday then spend another minute with a lying violent man!

Just walk away. Lose the money. Better than being stuck on holiday with an abusive liar.

Absolutely walk away and don't look back. He is not worthy of you.

You're not thinking of going on the holiday, surely?

Just tell him what you've found out, but make sure you're somewhere safe when you do so. Somewhere he doesn't know about. Have you got a friend or relative whose house he doesn't know about?

You must stay safe, OP. That means ending it immediately.

Are you asking how to end the relationship or get out of the holiday?

He’ll have to go on holiday on his own and is likely to be furious - OP needs somewhere safe to go. Please don’t think it’s better to get the holiday out of the way and then end it - you are at risk.

The holiday is beyond unimportant. Go somewhere safe - your parents? - and end it.

Please tell me you're not actually thinking of going on holiday with this Prince?

Don't go on the holiday. He may well choose having you off familiar territory and with nowhere to run to start getting aggressive.

Did the police give you any advice? As he already knows you suspected so maybe just tell him how you found out. Can you have other people with you when you do. The more people who know the better as he will be the first suspect t if anything happens to you. Add in that the police are checking up on you and with you regularly as he is now linked to your name. If he has any sense he will control himself and leave you alone. And be careful!

I wouldn't get into a long discussion with him. It's not working out for you, good luck and good bye. Preferably, over the phone.
Going forward though, I would not plan a holiday with someone you just started dating recently. Save the holidays for your friends and a 12-months-plus relationships.

Yes, having you in a location where you don't know anyone and couldn't immediately get to a safe place would be a win win for an abusive scumbag

Well done

do not go on holiday with him

do not discuss, leave to a safe location immediately - do not tell him where you are

End the relationship - do not engage in back and forth with him

You need to get yourself to somewhere safe. Then text him and tell him it's over, you won't be going on the holiday, and you want no further contact from him. Then block.

Obviously you are not going on holiday with him but how to let him know you are not going and are ending the relationship? I would suggest text, not face to face, and have someone with you who can support you. Does he know where you live? If so, perhaps be elsewhere when you break off the relationship. Did the police give any advice on how to end it? I am not sure about whether you reveal the Clare's Law disclosure or not. Although he may guess but if you tell him, it may also incense him, and you need to make sure you are not alone with him at the time. So sorry, OP, but good luck. 💐

Honestly I wouldn't tell him at all! It could make him angry or give him opportunity to spin you a story.

Just end things you don't owe him a reason for Christ sake.

Well done for not sitting back, and for taking the initiative to do this. You don't sound like the kind of woman who'd put up with this shit.

Agree with advice about being somewhere safe and ending it politely but without going into details.

I think end it, and end it as soon as possible but in a way where you're safe. Do you live separately? Does he have keys to yours? Tell him over the phone or in a public place. If you live with him, then can you stay with family or friends? I don't think you should go on holiday with him (even though I'm sure you'll lose money and were looking forward to it) - if anything happens being away (doubly if it's abroad) will be so much harder and you need to look after your own safety.

Do you have children?

Does he have a key to your place? I would get a Ring doorbell before I told him. I would end it with him by message rather than in person and I'd ask someone to stay the night with you if possible. You could reply to the police telling them you were going to end it, too.

How scary. Good for you, taking a rumour seriously and listening to your intuition.

you've just gone down with d and v, can't be away from the toilet. Best if he goes on the holiday on his own and has a nice time while you change your locks, install cameras and remove him from your life recover

I thought the police would give you follow up advice- phone them

Can the police advise on how best to extract yourself from this relationship? Or a domestic abuse charity? I appreciate he hasn't done anything to you, but they'd be able to advise on the safest way to end this relationship. Make sure he doesn't have a key to your home? Do not, under any circumstances, go on holiday with him. Being away from home, away from family/friends would be the time he could decide to show his true colours. Men like this don't change their spots. I most definitely would not tell him you have contacted the police to initiate Claire's Law. This is likely to make him absolutely furious, and you may be on the receiving end his anger. Seek some proper professional help, in the best way forward.

Save the holidays for your friends and a 12-months-plus relationships.

Even better, go on holiday solo. No need to put up with anyone's bullshit.

Get inspired on FB's Solo Women Travellers pages.