Controlling for being angry at DH using oven

[SharpOliveHam]

Dh likes to eat healthily which means he never fries any food. Even the 1 cal spray is not acceptable. Fine.

But DH knows I’m very funny about the heat. Hate it and do very well to keep a cool house. I’m the person who goes around closing curtains, opening windows at the optimal time to keep things cool.

Just got off a work call to a sauna downstairs. DH has made himself a fry up (chicken sausages, egg, mushrooms, tomatoes). The kitchen is reading 26c - it was 22.5c when I looked at around 12 pm.

I told dh that this was really selfish behaviour. And now I’ve been called controlling.

AIBU?

@brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr this is a cracker! Please post it on many many threads

Yeah but she's bat shit crazy, it's his home and being a bit hot... is not going to kill her.

It's both their home, she doesn't call all the shots.

He doesn't want a "chip butty", he eats healthy, or did you manage to odd that bit as you bend over backwards to make OP right?

If you could heat the entire house by just cooking sausages no-one would have a huge heating bill , we could all sit around one or two well done sausages and save a fortune.

Seriously?. The fact you seem to think someone dictating when another person can use an oven isn’t controlling is concerning. Why the hell does she get to dictate who uses what and when. Why should he be forced to eat out or eat something he either doesn’t want to or fed up off just because she says so.

The comparison to forgetting to shut a cupboard door is not the same as telling someone they can’t use an oven.

yes some do need to be reminded of being a good housemate and that includes OP who clearly needs reminding of that.

At 30 degrees outside I'd think everyone knows how hot it is inside unless they have AC ....
The sausages were frozen ones
So sad about your bread would be nice with sausages

Exactly

@New2024newname you could always get a bread maker.

There is nothing wrong with a woman saying what it is she wants in her living environment, and there is nothing wrong with judging people for being inconsiderate when they are.

There are so many things we do that are just automatic, because we take other people's needs into account. All of us, if we're functioning human beings. But my hunch (and of course I may be wrong, we need evidence beyond personal anecdote) is that men tend to do this just a little bit less often than women.

The sausages are of course v healthy

My oven has not been on today as I’m unwell and cba to cook. My house is 25.5 with two dogs that aren’t dead and managing just fine. So that’s your theory bunked.

I can’t decide if I’d divorce you or if I want to ask to move in with you because I’d probably loose so much weight If I was banned from the oven because you’ll get your knickers in a twist.

anyway, husband says you’re controlling and 99% of the replies do too. You gunna take that and apologise or keep defending your ridiculous point

Sorry but I have to say it again. It's not that bloody hot.

Ham sad sounds perfect for what you had

Watching the Hive app obsessively is controlling

And there’s nothing wrong with someone using their own oven to cook themselves something to eat, and there is nothing wrong in calling someone controlling when they are.

i agree that there are so many things we do that are just automatic, because we take other people's needs into account. But I would hazard a guess OP doesn’t do this and it’s more likely her DH does this.

but I understand you either can’t or refuse to acknowledge this because it would mean accepting that a woman might just be in the wrong

What does she say about how she always compromises? All she has said is she's made him live in the dark all day and now he must eat what she tells him? Oh right he's male she must be right.

YABU

Of course he can use the oven when he wants to

So your choice of dog impacts on your partners means in certain weather?
How selfish!

I mean, tell me this is a joke?!

Yabvu abd abusive. Hth.

So it went up a few degrees?
Terrible.
YABU

I send 'tend'. Women can of course behave badly and selfishly, and men can behave wonderfully.

All he had to do was wait for a cooler day. I gather it's been a cool summer in England this year.

Then in fact they’re insulated against the heat, like Old English Sheepdogs.

@SharpOliveHam I absolutely adore dogs so thank you for doing your best to help keep yours comfortable in their fur coats in this horrendous heat. I am sure that you already know this, but I understand that the best thing you can (not) do for your dogs is make sure that they don't run around or play any games that involve much movement between the hours of about 8.00am and 8 - 9.00pm. When I used to have dogs - sadly I'm too old now - on the really hot days I would take them for their longest walk of the day anywhere between 11.00pm and 2.00am in the morning, and another medium walk starting anywhere between 5 and 7.30 am.

[If anyone has a Husky dog, or similar, they really need to be able to walk/run their adult dogs all night, ie actually be out with them for the same amount of hours as you would normally during the day, so on average 4 to 5 hours a day/night free running, and walking (puppies are quite different, but any owners of such dogs should be very clued up on that). Most British people - as am I (well I am not most people, I just meant that I am also British, in fact English if we need to narrow it down even more!) - will probably think I am crazy to expect the average person in the UK to give Husky type dogs anywhere near that amount of time on their exercise and well being, after all people have jobs to go to - unless they are retired - and if an average age retiree gets a Scandinavian type working dog whilst living anywhere in the UK they should/must know how fit they need to be to be able to care for their stunningly beautiful dog. My biggest bugbear, is that I believe that unless you live in the far north of Scotland, it just isn't fair to have a Husky type of dog in the UK - I'd better pack my bags now, as I know that anyone who has managed to read this far will almost certainly be booing at me now, and probably throwing over-ripe tomatoes at me as well! So I actually think that it is very unfair for someone to have a dog - but probably mainly "working" type dogs - that needs a lot of exercising and stimulating every day, if they also have a full-time job out side of their home.]

l am not for one second suggesting that you have Husky type dogs OP, but dogs with long and double hair, will, as you have already tried to point out, get uncomfortably hot and restless - or completely floppy and give the impression of saying

"hey, why have you put the heat on, I'm sweltering here, don't you care about me anymore? I used to think I had dropped really lucky with you, but now you are trying to roast me instead of that very tasty chicken you usually share with me!"

The worst bit is that your beautiful dogs were thinking that before the other - useless at least on this occassion - adult in their lives put the cooker on in the hottest part of the day! So I do understand your frustration OP, and I think that other people who seem to not be able to get enough heat (and like to holiday somewhere like the Maldives when I would prefer one of those small educational cruise type ships that explore the Antartic - sorry if I am sounding snobby about holiday choices, I don't mean to at all, places like the Maldives look incredible, and I would have loved to be able to explore places like Borneo, Myanmar, Vietnam etc when I was younger and fitter, but even then the heat would have made me feel too ill to function, and I can't even tan, I just burn and even more freckles come out! So cooler climates have always been my favourites) for their sun loving bodies, could maybe give you a rest!

To everyone who is having a go at the OP - and yes she does sound quite controlling on this occassion - I think that the combination of the effect of the heat itself on her, combined with her admiral concern for her/their (?) dogs, should also consider the above as mitigating reasons for her complaint against her husband. I hope that he understands that, and realises that he was actually being thoughtless at his best, and/or very selfish at his worst - I really hope it isn't the latter, because if it is then I think the OP has much worse to deal with than a few extremely hot days...

@SharpOliveHam I'm very sorry that I went off on a rather long tangent about Huskies and their ilk - I guess their treatment by so many is like an annoying, and painful, bee in my bonnet...

Hopefully you are all feeling cooler and calmer now, at chez SharpOliveHam 💐

Why does he have to wait for a cooler day? Why can’t he cook what he actually wants for a change.
For all we know it could be September before we get a day OP deems to be cool enough for him to be allowed to use the oven

You sound horrible to live with, and you can't accept criticism when you asked for opinions. Controlling and unhinged.

I would recommend an air fryer.

And it's selfish to expect your partner to eat what you dictate they eat.

It's also the same poster who's son was scared to tell her he'd failed his exams and pretended to go to college....on that post her first comments were about his successful siblings!!!

I rest my case, your witness