Controlling for being angry at DH using oven

[SharpOliveHam]

Dh likes to eat healthily which means he never fries any food. Even the 1 cal spray is not acceptable. Fine.

But DH knows I’m very funny about the heat. Hate it and do very well to keep a cool house. I’m the person who goes around closing curtains, opening windows at the optimal time to keep things cool.

Just got off a work call to a sauna downstairs. DH has made himself a fry up (chicken sausages, egg, mushrooms, tomatoes). The kitchen is reading 26c - it was 22.5c when I looked at around 12 pm.

I told dh that this was really selfish behaviour. And now I’ve been called controlling.

AIBU?

Not liking the Mumsnet response are you ?

Is he allowed to make hot drinks?

Yes! Which is it or is the fry up a one off?

I get your frustration OP, I think most forget that the little things our partners do can piss us off no end, especially when we're already uncomfortable.

I think you both sound a bit highly strung.. you about the heat and dogs, and he about his eating (not even 1 cal spray oil?)

So does heating the house in the winter. Is that also not allowed?

Get an air con unit and stay in that room with the dogs.

Make dh run after them cooling them down.

I get you're annoyed because you're the only one putting effort in and it's making you crazy.

You might need to live in a separate house tbh

As the saying goes, if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen!

It's one room. Go somewhere else and take the dogs with you. Make sure they are well groomed. Strip the undercoat.

Buy an air conditioner if your that bothered
I've had the oven on and it soon cools down again
You do sound controlling and demanding

• • • you're

It is bananas for the OP to have to buy an air conditioner costing hundreds of pounds - and which is bad for the environment - so that her partner can just do what he wants.

Communities of all types only work if people are a bit considerate and make tiny concessions that make an important difference to others.

Community-minded people would not do this. It's just basic civility. Most of us make these compromises all the time just to make life a bit better for others. But perhaps the 'why shuddeneye' lot don't notice.

Oh come off it! He put the bloody oven on, it's not a hanging offence. I just find it totally mad that some people don't actually cook a meal in the oven because it's got a bit warm. I've had my windows open all day, I've cooked, I've even dried something in the tumble dryer. It's not been that bad!

You’re lucky you’re not married to my DH - he’d have told you to go forth and multiply. Mind you - I’m not bonkers enough to tell him that he can’t cook himself a meal in his own house.

You sound like a total nightmare to be honest. It’s Britain FFS, you don’t live in the middle of Death Valley! I feel sorry for your poor hubby having to put up with you.

There is an easy solution to your problem, it is an electric skillet. No need to heat up a large appliance for a breakfast.

Communities of all types only work if people are a bit considerate and make tiny concessions that make an important difference to others.

What concessions has the OP made? How has she been considerate to her husband?

What comprises has the OP made? Why should it be about what she wants? Why can’t for once her DH have a cooked meal? Maybe he’s fed up of salads and sandwiches for lunch and fancied something different

@Crazycrazylady

It sounds very much as you have some obsessive behaviours around temperature and the fear or being too warm.

I worked with someone like that, only it was cold they were afraid of. They got three convector heaters out of the store cupboard and set them up by their desk and wore a coat all the time.

I'm guessing that because the OP is surprised her partner just did what he wanted on a super-hot day, that she is used to making a lot of compromises, and expects that others would too.

Going on what says in her first post: she told him he was selfish. But it is selfish to do what you want regardless of what other people would prefer - it's the definition of selfish!

So I think she was just being accurate in her observation! He could have acknowledged that he had been thinking of himself, but he chose to escalate things.

You misread the OP!

Fuck me. The guy just wanted some sausages.

How?

I told dh that this was really selfish behaviour. And now I’ve been called controlling.

@somanynamesbynow OP deciding it's really selfish behaviour ....... is controlling!

IMOI

You're really selfish to suggest that I'm unreasonable.

Get it?

Please explain how it’s selfish to want a cooked meal but it isn’t selfish to want someone to eat cold food just because you want the house a certain way

i also doubt the OP knows what a comprise is otherwise she would have comprised already

maybe he thought that was the time to actually do something for himself for a change. I would say her DH makes more comprises that she does.

You’re being absolutely fucking ridiculous.

Mis posted there!

OP deciding her wants are not controlling, is both selfish and controlling!

Him eating a cold meal or eating out isn't going to cause discomfort. Nobody suffers from eating a good salad or a chip butty in a local cafe!

Overheating the kitchen and the rest of the house (by him) is causing her discomfort.

Telling somebody that they are being selfish is not controlling. It might be a bit blunt but it's just - feedback!

Making reasonable requests of other people is not 'controlling'; it's communication.

It isn't even an unkind thing to say - unless he suffers from rejection sensitivity dysphoria and needs feedback to be relentlessly kind and positive.

I would and frequently have to tell my partner that he is selfish if he leaves cupboard doors open, uses the last of the milk/loo roll without replacing it, doesn't clear up after making his own smelly lunch, or leaves the TV blaring after he's eaten his lunch and gone back to work. Some people need a lot of reminding to be a good housemate.

This looks as if it falls into the same category.