DH invited widowed friend to ours, is this ok?…

[Boobooduck]

I’ve never met him before but sounds like a nice guy. Lost his DW to cancer about 2 years ago bless him. He isn’t one of DH good friends but they’ve knows each other for years and DH invited him around for lunch - DH can’t cook so the best he could do would be cheese sarnies!

Anyway, I said invite him over on Thursday night and I’ll make homemade lasagna and salad and we can get a couple of bottles of wine incase he wants a drink…

Does that sound ok? Lasagna? If not, what else do you suggest?

TIA

I looked @Starfish3 but I still think comments like that are so incredibly patronising 🤷‍♀️

Widowed men aren't suddenly incapable of cooking meals 🙄

Sorry but this makes it sound like he's been invited out of pity!

Surely he's just been invited as a friend?

His wife could have died last week or ten years ago! Is one consigned to joyless gruel after the death of a spouse?

I don’t think it was a pity invite from the husband, but the ops stepped in and made it that, I feel sorry for the bloke, what with all her bless him and show boating about doing something nice for him, the poor sod is in for a night of sad eyes and twinkly laughs.

The OP says his wife died two years ago. My uncle had been remarried about a year and a half by that stage.

Yes, it’s reminding me of my mother, who invents tragic tales about slightly unkempt older men shopping for one and gives them looks of dewy-eyed sympathy in the frozen aisle. Whereas an ungroomed older woman shopping for one would get tutting about how anyone can use the washing machine.🙄

Well well well, I wasn’t expecting as many comments as it would appear I’ve received. I haven’t read them all but I have had a giggle at some of them and even through I think some people are a bit cheeky and have taken it the wrong way - I admit it is quite funny!

Update - He’s coming round tonight and we’re having a BBQ! Salad, pasta sides and he’s not a vegetarian. He likes Guinness so I’ll get some of those in. I want to be hospitable.

Ah, I missed that!

Two years ago! Bloody hell @Boobooduck, he's just a bloke surely? The title 'widower' is surely just for legal docs and not his defining personality trait.

<Makes mental note to die before husband to avoid an eternity of pity lasagne>.

Then stop with all the pity stuff. It’s ridiculous. He might even be dating or in another relationship. Try to reign your natural instincts in as to not offend.

Sorry op but this whole thread really is very funny. I think your revised menu of bbq and sides sounds great, but do you get the overall point that women don't need to be fussing over widowers (or any men!) and if men can't cook or look after themselves then they need to learn! (It's good that your dh does other things around the house but cooking a simple meal is an absolutely basic life skill).

Just to add, I lived in Italy for years and I've never had a lasagne there, seen it on a menu or heard of anyone cooking it at home ; I think it's very much an English person's idea of Italian food (although no less delicious for that)

Odd that you say it’s not your first post - I never suggested it was.

I see my satirical post taking the piss - about making this into a series where you have a different person round for dinner each week - has been deleted.

I haven’t, and won’t, ask for your much ruder and personal replies to me to be deleted.

I am tickled that despite you editing one of your other replies to me last night, it still remains that you call me a “weirido”. That may be my next name change

Such drama over a lone person coming for dinner...

Ah @Boobooduck it’s just clicked where you got “first post” from. I assume from my comment here:

“I picked up on a whiff of smug look-at-me-being-nice in your first posts”

I meant your first posts on this thread…

Suspect the op doesn’t host often and hence why this is such a big deal for her.

Believe it or not, it wasn’t me that reported your post! I think I’ve only ever reported about 2/3 posts in as many years.

Well I say fair play to the OP for taking the responses on this thread on the chin - bottom line it is nice to be hospitable and considerate and the revised menu sounds good too. It's also an interesting chance to examine attitudes around widowhood as often it feels like the first rule of Widow Club is you don't talk about Widow Club.

I've tried all stripes of widowhood - Miss Haversham, Merry Widow, Spectre at the Feast and Utterly Deranged on occasion and now I'm settling into Me again - a Me I don't recognise sometimes and who I resent being sometimes, but heck, it's a process and I feel like the whole tin of peas sometimes. It's not easy being me and I want to get away from myself sometimes so Lord knows it can't be easy being around me sometimes.

Wouldn't say no to a well meant lasagne though lol.

Solidarity to all in the shitty club and strength to those doing their best to be genuinely supportive. Dark humour and flippantly is sometimes the only armour available....

Honestly you should of left your OP sorting him lunch doesn't matter that it would only of been of cheese sandwich he will be company for the company not the food

Oh yes, isn't it hilarious that a grown man can't cook without giving you food poisoning.

I agree, the ops made it into a thing. It went from two mates having lunch ,who would have been perfectly happy with a cheese sarnie, to the op deciding it should be dinner, then hurling abuse at her husband as she’d need to cook, a lasagne which was her suggestion, to the three of them having a weird little bbq together and her repeatedly saying bless him like he was some charity case.and wrestling her way into it.

@Boobooduck whats going on the bbq? I’m hungry now!!!!

This claim is made every time Mumsnetters are told their husbands are too lazy to learn the basic human skill of cooking 🙄

We're to believe they do everything except feed themselves and their families.

No @Racksonracks , this is based on my mum’s experience of not wanting to cook after my dad died of MND, because she couldn’t see the point on it anymore. It’s not a gendered thing that he won’t know how to cook.

I find it really odd that you're worrying about what to serve.

As PPs have said, he'll probably just be really happy for the company, poor guy.

So just concentrate on providing him a lovely evening with lots of chat, and serve the easiest meal that you cook regularly!

@sunsetsandboardwalks

yes, yes if you invite someone (especially someone you don't really know) FOR DINNER. you don't order them a kebab from the takeaway.

friends you know well it's fine to invite to share a takeaway.