DH invited widowed friend to ours, is this ok?…

[Boobooduck]

I’ve never met him before but sounds like a nice guy. Lost his DW to cancer about 2 years ago bless him. He isn’t one of DH good friends but they’ve knows each other for years and DH invited him around for lunch - DH can’t cook so the best he could do would be cheese sarnies!

Anyway, I said invite him over on Thursday night and I’ll make homemade lasagna and salad and we can get a couple of bottles of wine incase he wants a drink…

Does that sound ok? Lasagna? If not, what else do you suggest?

TIA

Fresh clams delivered??? Fancy! Where from???

😂

No one has mentioned the couple of bottles of wine....

I mean

What if he is driving
What if he has an alcohol issue
What if he doesn't drink for religious issues

I mean he's a widower, alcohol and being a widow does not mix well.

I mean he's a widower, alcohol and being a widow does not mix well.

😂

https://thecornishfishmonger.co.uk/?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwnqK1BhBvEiwAi7o0X5a0wcrP-wPRwGB307i9HEtiVum1mKgIpajkyZAFX8oAfZaPmUyEVRoCRvAQAvD_BwE

From these people, I don't live near the coast or have a decent local fishmonger, I'm making a Cajun seafood boil for guests tomorrow (all life-partners extant), so ordered extra clams for a vongole for tonight.

V good!

Obs it would 🙄

I use them all the time for fish and seafood.

If you want native oysters though, these guys are the best.

https://colchesteroysterfishery.com/

That looks delicious, I've saved the recipe for when my butternut squashes appear!

This is a very sweet thread @Boobooduck, it's very kind of you to care that your guest is happy. Some of the responses have made me chuckle eg do widowers like lasagne. I'm sure the meal will go down nicely.

Wow this looks amazing! Thank you!

And (all life-partners extant) made me laugh 😂

Ok we were meant to be having a cheap weekend due to me overspending at the butchers last week (I went in for sausages and came out with a massive T-Bone steak 😂) but now I'm browsing oysters, dressed crab and lobster 😍

I know the OP is a bit huffy that her gesture is being taken the piss out of, but it's nice to see some light-heartedness around being widowed! Widows and widowers are just anyone, everyone, who were unlucky enough to have their partner die. I'm a widow and I found it hard to navigate as people feel endlessly sorry for me, which is kind of nice, but on the other hand it means you can't just chat away about the everyday stuff of life, like the kids still annoying you, going on dates, mentioning your late partner. It's nice if it's all taken a bit more lightly and not turned into some Big Thing years down the line.

I do agree though that helping out with food in the early days is one of the kindest things you can do for a newly widowed person, as they won't be in a fit state to cook most likely, but as with all things, they are humans and so you need to tailor it to fit the person. Practical dinners were great for me early on.

Don’t widowers eat regular food?

I quite like lasagne, but maybe not preferable in hot weather.

Marital status: Single, female, never married.

I assume OP needs these facts for her overarching survey on 'Lasagne: Effects of marital status'.

Tbh, I think that he'll barely notice the food. He'll be more focused on the fact that someone has thought about him and wants to do something nice for him.

Your meal sounds lovely.

Treat yourself!

I'm three years widowed and the thought that people might still be extending me pity invites and saying things like "bless her" is making me want to cringe myself inside out. Oh God.

That said, I bloody love lasagna.

Just putting this PSA out there. I make this lasagne when we have our friends over (all still alive and kicking.. although I think it would go down a treat with both widowers and non-widowers alike) and it is absolutely brilliant. If you follow the recipe you end up with enough to serve around 6-8 people and it is genuinely far better than any other lasagne I've ever made.

https://www.nigella.com/recipes/lasagne-of-love

I personally really dislike lasagne, but I'm probably in a slim minority. I guess it's worth asking. He could be veggie/vegan, celiac or lactose intolerant? Or just like me, not fond of pasta. It's a really nice thing for you to cook him a meal. I'm sure he'll have a lovely time whatever you make.

My sister's husband died very suddenly last year, if anyone tried any patronising schizzle, they'd get a kick in the face from both of us!

(Not really, but certainly a very disapproving look, that'll tell the buggers).

This is a great point. He may have been looking forward to a bit of man to man time and he probably didn’t want to cause such a fuss his friend’s wife has to go on Mumsnet for advice and reassurance.

Why not go out and treat yourself - thus leaving your husband and his mate to some cheese butties.

You can leave a note on the fridge to remind him where the Branston Pickle is kept.

I assure you it can absolutely be real.

Have you met many people?