DH invited widowed friend to ours, is this ok?…

[Boobooduck]

I’ve never met him before but sounds like a nice guy. Lost his DW to cancer about 2 years ago bless him. He isn’t one of DH good friends but they’ve knows each other for years and DH invited him around for lunch - DH can’t cook so the best he could do would be cheese sarnies!

Anyway, I said invite him over on Thursday night and I’ll make homemade lasagna and salad and we can get a couple of bottles of wine incase he wants a drink…

Does that sound ok? Lasagna? If not, what else do you suggest?

TIA

Sounds perfect, most people like lasange. As someone said do find out if he eats meat.

I don't know why people on this site can be so against any extra info. I like it, it give a story of what is going on/ background info

Great fact!

Nevertheless I wouldn't be switching the oven on. I would let my husband provide the catering he had planned when he made the invitation.

If my husband asked for my help with a menu to entertain a new friend I'd probably suggest salads, cold meats, olives, deli artichokes, cheese, bread, wine.

So why would you decide he needs steak and chips? Did you think he might be Fred Flintstone?

The OP is assuming that he is a Neanderthal man and can't cook, his marital status is not relevant only that OP wants adulation for fawning over him.

Again, she's called her DH a twat for inviting him, so she's not that "nice", now asking for what to serve him so she can be recognised for her hosting him.

He was invited to lunch by her DH, she's gone in and changed everything, just why? For a pat on the back?

He accepted a lunch, all was good.

Why?!! Why would he be eating takeaways and ready meals a lot?

Another post read out to widower husband who say, “FFS”.

Even if the widower can cook, it's nice to have someone cook for you and nice to share a meal with others. My df was the cook in the household but when my dm passed away, he gradually lost the motivation to cook proper meals. Now and again he batch cooks and will sometimes eat one of the defrosted meals but often it's just soup. He also started to eat in front of the tv which was anathema to him before. I think it is a kind thing to have the Op and her dh to invite this man round and I hope they will do it again.

I would like to nominate this thread for MN Classics. I haven't laughed so much in ages.

I was literally just thinking I could see 'do widowers eat lasagne?' becoming one of those stock MN phrases, like T-rexing in Asda or screaming at the Sistine Chapel. 😂

It's nice of you ( personally I hate lasagne).
But if your husband ha so invites him for lunch I'd be letting him do just that.
The fact he can't make more than a cheese sandwich (acceptable lunch) is his own fault.

But have you really thought about whether or not that’s really absolutely suitable for a WIDOWER?

Why would a widower be eating any more ready meals and takeaways than any other person?

Some of the comments on here seem to be treating male widowers as though they're incompetent idiots who need to be fussed over like toddlers!

Family friends in their 70s have observed that when a man is widowed everyone clucks around him to make sure he's not eating properly and not lonely, inviting for meals etc, but they don't do the same for women.

It's been really interesting to see the responses on this thread assuming that one man can't do catering and another mustn't be allowed to.

@OMGsamesame my MIL passed away recently and the last thing FIL wanted was to be fussed over - he just wanted to carry on as normal.

He found all the offers of help rather patronising - like he was somehow totally incapable of basic tasks because he'd lost his wife!

I see him daily as he cares for our dog while he work and he says he loves the normality of it - he doesn't want people faffing about him!

🤣 That’s true! I’ve been to America and have never had a cheeseburger! And this one time, I went to Poland and didn’t have a single pierogi.

Do you think perhaps they hide them
all away when they hear we’re coming to visit? It’s a mystery, for sure. The plot thickens 🤔

I'm confused about why OP feels obligated to cook a dinner for the guest when he probably would've been fine with a sandwich for lunch made by the OP's husband... don't think it makes the DH a twat, but it does make OP look like a martyr

@BenchyMcBenchFace - it's so true though! The kind of food I eat in Italy is absolutely nothing like the "Italian" food we eat here.

I wonder if it's because lasagne is more of a home cooked meal rather than something you get in a restaurant.

This made me laugh

Apparently widowed men are just sat in their homes in complete silence looking forlornly at photos of their late wife whilst waiting for their microwave meal to ping. Or answering the door to the multitude of ladies who live locally and have taken to delivering the widow a homecooked meal to his doorstep each evening then going home to their husbands and sighing "bless him. the poor soul"🙄

It’s still a mystery to me how MN meant to be astute posters do not recognise a wind- up when it is presented, especially one increassingly bellicose as the night wears on, ends abruptly when the OP falls unconscious at last - anyone calling
them out abused, its a game, is it not.

Actually I thought the OP was quite a realistic facsimile of a character from a Muriel Spark short story. Muriel Spark was a terrific writer but a terrible snob.

The OP sounds very much like the sort of lower- middle class 1950s housewife with aspirations Spark made fun of.

I don't like lasagne!

(Not a widow).

I'm a divorcée but lasagne is not my favourite food. Is it because I'm not a widow? I'll have to ask my widow friend.

I'm a divorcée but lasagne is not my favourite food. Is it because I'm not a widow? I'll have to ask my widow friend.

I'd let him make the sandwiches. His idea, his problem. The martyr wife only works for a few years then everyone gets fed up.

My sister is a widow though, I shall ask her what they eat.

I'm having some fresh clams delivered today and making vongole.

Try that? I think she likes it...

I'm not widowed and don't really like lasagne - I wonder if that would change if DH died? 🤔