DH invited widowed friend to ours, is this ok?…

[Boobooduck]

I’ve never met him before but sounds like a nice guy. Lost his DW to cancer about 2 years ago bless him. He isn’t one of DH good friends but they’ve knows each other for years and DH invited him around for lunch - DH can’t cook so the best he could do would be cheese sarnies!

Anyway, I said invite him over on Thursday night and I’ll make homemade lasagna and salad and we can get a couple of bottles of wine incase he wants a drink…

Does that sound ok? Lasagna? If not, what else do you suggest?

TIA

This thread is full on bonkers 😂

I'm not sure why the fact that he's a widow is relevant but there is no way I would be cooking and serving a lasagne in the middle of summer - and especially not for someone I'd never met and hadn't even invited.

Tell your DH to ring for a dominos or pick up a chippy and enjoy a night off - no need to be a martyr and cook and meal from scratch while muttering away about what a twat your husband is.

And yes, please stop saying "bless him!".

Please do check what type of things he eats, OP, before making such an effort.

I'm sure your lasagna is lovely but I'm afraid I am one of those people who couldn't eat it.☹️. I can't eat pasta and definitely nothing with garlic, mayo or vinegar along with a whole host of other things.

I know these days I am classed as a "Fussy eater" but that isn't the case. I just have a very strange palate and can only eat very plain things although I do eat meat - not kebabs though - and most fish. It's horribly embarrassing when invited somewhere and when you arrive you find the host has made a great effort and presents you with something that would make you physically sick hence I avoid invitations like the plague these days and we very, very rarely eat out as it is just too stressful.

Thankfully I am in a massive minority but please check just to be sure as I know you would hate to put the poor guy in a very difficult situation.

A home cooked lasagne sounds lovely 💐

I think that does make you a fussy eater

Lasagna is fine, can't go wrong. But I would be saying let's get a takeaway... pizza or kebab.

my FIL was widowed and comes to stay (or anyone else who lives on their own) I quite like to cook things they wouldn't do for one, like a roast or lasagne etc that's lots of faff . But of course it's the company that's the main thing

@graceinspace999

its 2024, being vegetarian, having food allergies, not eating some foods due to religious/cultural reasons is not considered 'fussy'

I'm vegetarian, I'm not fussy, I can't 'eat around' a meat lasagne, unless there are sides that are vegetarian & that's rude too as a host has gone to the trouble of making a lasagne.

@Boobooduck

its inconsiderate of DH to invite someone for a meal without asking you first if you mind.

Kind and thoughtful of you both. For someone who is widowed, I can imagine that this time of year might not be easy, because any club or organisation someone belongs to might not meet, you see many people go on holiday etc. Not quite the same as Christmas without a loved one, but still difficult I think.

My mum who is widowed finds the lack of some social activities in August creates a void.

@Boobooduck

he was invited for & presumably accepted a weekend lunch. Why would you change it to a mid week dinner?? It's like you don't want him there at the weekend 'family/couple time)

that aside, as others have said, is it not hot where you are? My oven would not be going on for hours on Thursday.

definitely get DH to check dietary issues. Not to just ask if he eats lasagne. Although he should have said himself if he's vegetarian, has allergies or religious/cultural restrictions.

if he's agreed and not specified any issues then crack on!! I mean he would have said so when he accepted wouldn't he if he did.

@PeachSnake

i think that's odd. He's not a close friend, you don't invite someone you don't know well around for dinner then give them a takeaway kebab! It's different if you invite them around to share a takeaway.

the blokes already been demoted from a weekend lunch to a midweek dinner...

Can someone please point me to the uncouth strawbs thread please?

@pandasorous

if we're being pedantic here, you don't 'grow flour'

@Boobooduck I think it sounds nice, I also think it's lovely that you are trying to make an effort for someone who has had a hard time. It does make the difference that someone genuinely cares and wants to provide a home cooked meal. Trust me, I'm sure he will appreciate it.

Just check dietary requirements to make sure he can eat what you are cooking.

I'm widowed and I'm extremely busy in August.

Work, kids, my very full social life. I definitely don't have time to be blessed by the lasagna chefs. Although I did make lasagna last week to be fair, so maybe it does have a place in widowed life.

OP - You intentions are kind but trust me, this guy does not want to be defined by his widow status. It is entirely irrelevant. It's entirely possible he's an excellent chef and cooks for scores of friends regularly, and doesn't need your pity.

Just let DH get a cold buffet given the weather forecast and leave them in peace. If he is still single he MIGHT not fancy a tag-a-long spouse.

Honestly we're not a homogeneous mass sitting at home in need of a good meal. But you are kind.

If you’re near a Cook shop, they make frozen ready meals that are more like home cooked. A nice way of serving something better than a takeaway without having to cook yourself.

https://www.cookfood.net/

And this is why I haven't hosted a dinner party for years. We all go out to dinner and order what we like.

This whole post is weird 'Is this a suitable dinner for a widower?'

I also think OP's "bless him" tone is eyebrow raisingly patronising. He's been a widower 2 years! A young widow I knew years ago moved 200 miles away largely to get away from the "poor Sarah", sigh and head tilt whenever she walked into a shop, pub etc in her small town.

And I really don't like lasagna (don't like any sloppy food), so it's not a safe bet option.

Everybody likes lasagna! I think the highlight of the evening will be the company and conversation, as being a widower is very lovely and people say that meal times are the worst.

So I’m sure even if the meal burns to a crisp, he will appreciate it.

Bloody hell. The man is a widower, not an alien. Bear in mind that every married person who does not die at the same time as their spouse will be a widow / widower one day.

This is satire, right? Please be satire.

The whole thread is odd. Folks saying I’d be put out, order a takeaway. Like hosting a friend is some sort of punishment.

Quite. All this bustling and fuss around the 'widower'. He probably just fancied a quick sarnie and catch-up with his mate.

It's thoughtful to include your single friends (I'm single), patronising them isn't on though.

As a widow myself 2.5 years in, am fascinated by this thread. Lasagne sounds fine and can be adjusted for vegan or allergy issues reasonably easily regardless of widowed status. I think perhaps take the advice of other widows on this thread and try and forget his status unless it comes up naturally in conversation, cos he's still a person in his own right.

I have to say, in general and not intending to target the OP who obviously means well, the particular life experience of losing a life partner (or indeed anyone very close) can leave one feeling somewhat "marked" and as others have touched on, defined by it. It's very confusing for all concerned really, yet it's statistically likely to happen to everyone at some point.

But lasagne is a safe bet and maybe the DH could do some garlic bread to show willing?

Totally missing the point of the thread but surely the vast majority of lasagne’s will be home made. Who would buy them frozen it’s so easy?

Just go easy on the agonising about arrangements and let the situation pan out as if it is a normal, everyday thing to ensure a relaxed ambience. Food considerations secondary except for a quick low-key check for any dietary requirements.