New career working Christmas as single parent

[ItsSpookySeason]

I have just finished a nursing degree and I'm waiting on my pin coming through before starting my new job. I've worked hard to get to this point as a mature student but unfortunately during my training my husband divorced me and has now moved to another country with OW.

We have 5 children under 12 who he now sees twice a year. I have managed during my training using paid childcare and have been fortunate that I have a family member who has also helped by looking after my children, but they are now also moving away to start a new job so I will solely be relying on paid childcare.

I am extremely worried about working 12 hour shifts over Christmas - I don't object to working Christmas eve / Christmas day / boxing day at all but I have no idea how I am going to sort childcare. I don't want to raise this as an issue as soon as I start my new job, I don't want to make a bad impression nor do I think I deserve special treatment as a single parent, but none of my childcare providers work Christmas day or boxing day, I have already asked!

How does anyone in a similar situation manage? I was previously self employed, and married, so have never had to worry about this before! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

This- I would write it up in a letter and take it to your line manager. A line stating rhe effort you’ve gone to to arrange childcare, the layers you have built up with various programs, that you have coverage for 364 days a year, but not Christmas Day, and haven’t been able to find any. Your eldest diagnosis, your husband moved overseas and refuses to come back and visit more than twice a year, with those times set in months x & y. You understand this kind of request is frowned upon but you have no more ideas, and have no childcare on Christmas Day for 5 children, you are happy to take suggestions but cannot at this point see that you have any option other than to not work Christmas Day. You’re happy to work Xmas Eve till 9pm, New Year’s Day… you have every other day covered.

what a stinking fucking asshole he is. I hope he rots in hell and your kids grow up and realise how amazing you are.

But they can’t. He won’t have them. What exactly do you think she should do- chuck 5 little kids unaccompanied on a plane and hope he collects??

I also work in the NHS and have 5 kids. Some workplaces have let us request what we prefer to work out of Xmas and NY. Others do a year on/year off. My current employer has a freeze on all requests over the festive period but generally those who are child free swap shifts to help accommodate parents. Generally you’d need to work one or other though. Could you look at a scheduled care type service which is closed over festive periods (my aunt works in a GP practice as a practice nurse and gets the bank holidays/xmas/ny etc off).

Ah yes all those single mums with 5 kids and no family whose exes have left the country and refuse to come back who’ve lined up childcare overnight and 364 days a year. The nhs is packed with them.

some of these posters would be whining about someone finding out they have stage 4 cancer and going on sick leave.

Our nursery has special openings for blue light families.

whereaboutszare you op? Even with your region shared people may have suggestions

But it's not her coworkers' responsibility. But quite often if you offer a good deal a coworker will help you out.

And because the sinking NHS is packed with single muns you can't expect a lot. It's not something special in 2024.
But if you offer your coworkers a god deal and do an efford it can be solved. But be prepared to offer something in return.

I found this site, they do Christmas day carers but I'm not sure if they're available in your area.
https://www.emergencychildcare.co.uk/

I also think full time ward work sounds untenable for you. Surely by the time you pay a childminder an overnight rate you're down on the deal? I know you can't work in outpatients etc for the first year (seems odd, I've never heard of this) but could you bank? All wards are slightly different, DH is a nurse and if it's your year to work Christmas you'd do 24th-26th (either days or nights). There are parents on his ward who have been to HR and managed to wangle special shifts. It's quite frustrating for us tbh.

Down on the deal hey. The sooner benefits stop for those that don’t work full time the better. The op clearly wants to work. Stop discouraging her.

Doesn’t change the fact what you are telling the op is the solution is not, in fact, a solution.

The thing is, she is clearly prepared to offer something in return. She’s specifically said she can work any other day, she can take Christmas Eve, she can take New Year’s Day. Why couldn’t you acknowledge that?

It's not just the cost, although I'm expecting it to be utterly unaffordable - none of my childcare providers will work on Christmas or Boxing day. I will obviously keep looking for someone who is willing and have asked around but nobody seems to know anyone.

@ItsSpookySeason where are you based - best bet is to register with a local nanny agency and they will find you one but likely to be costly

As I said above I know mn who work Xmas time but for double time

Try babysitters instead of childminders and see if you can set something up for those 2 days? In the job let them know the situation in regards to no family and childcare and that you're not asking for special treatment at all but you could really do with as much notice as possible as you need to try to source childcare for 5 - and knowing what you're working will help - they may have some ideas themselves or know of some staff who don't mind working those days when not rostered to help out parents who struggle.

If you can try to tie your work down to a day shift instead of a night shift, and maybe hire 2 babysitters instead of 1 as you won't know them as well as your regular providers, you might find a way? It's a pain as it would end up very expensive of course, but it would at least open up the channels of communication at work without saying 'no' which is the bit that will make it harder there - and there will have been other parents struggle with the issue before, so being proactive and asking if they know what others have done before, talking about the fact you're going to try childcare.co.uk and look at babysitters/others to try to cover it but need a bit of time so you can meet the person/s and have them meet the kids etc might just help towards your work giving you some ideas/a nicer shift/the names of some colleagues who might not mind helping etc

No suggestions for you OP but I just wanted to say what a fantastic job you’re making of life. It must have been bloody hard getting this far, and as a single parent without the same so-acute childcare isshes, I am in awe of what you have achieved. talk to your manager and look into emergency nanny cover via agencies - remember that there are many others in the profession to whole Christmas is an opportunity to make some extra cash.

Ditto, she’s amazing.

I would be amazed if no one at your job will help out. I have worked in nhs for 25 years a large chunk shift work on wards and we always used to help each other out. I’ve young kids but if my colleague was having to leave her young kids with a stranger on Christmas Day I would work it for her. Most people are kind OP. Don’t panic. I’m sure if you offer Christmas Eve and new years you will be seen to be doing your bit.

I do feel sorry for your situation OP, it sounds like you've worked incredibly hard to get to where you are now. Unfortunately I have no help I can give. I've nursed for 15 years and know from personal experience that the Christmas rota is done in a very "unemotional" manor meaning that it doesn't take into account personal circumstances aside from who worked the key shifts the previous year (Christmas eve night, Christmas day early/late/night and boxing day). You will very likely be rostered on to one of those shifts. Your option is to see if any of your colleagues can swap. The posters who have been saying you'll be unpopular if you request not to work your first Christmas have been unkind (but not wrong), I think it would be better to ask than to be rostered on and then leave the ward short staffed by not turning up on your allocated shift. In saying all that, clinic jobs (even after a year on a ward) are hard to come by and very much in demand. Usually specialist roles are reserved for nurses with more experience so you may find yourself as a ward nurse for a while longer yet, so might be best to find alternative child care over Christmas.

Surely as a one off under the circumstances asking your sister for help makes most sense. I appreciate you say she's moved away and you don't want to ask but surely Christmas is different and she'd want to help if she knew how stuck you were

You should offer more.
If you want to swap a shift 25.12 as a nurse it's often not enough to offer 24.12 or 1.1.

I literally asked if she could bank. I never suggested not working, but shifts are not compatible with 5 kids and no childcare.

This, 100%. You've phrased this perfectly. It's not that people want to see others struggle, but when you've worked the past two Christmases (after two Christmases in lockdown) you don't want to be covering it again. Everyone has their own lives.

I really think it depends on the unit/ward. At my hospital they are very flexible and accommodating, and it’s in London so the staff are very diverse, many Muslim colleagues or different branches of Christianity where NYE or Christmas Eve is the big celebration day and not Christmas Day. I’ve never worked Christmas Day and it’s absolutely fine.

Is it worth advertising for paid child care over the Christmas period ? There will be someone who doesn't celebrate for religious reasons and will be glad of the extra money. Obviously their credentials will need checking out but I think it's worth a try.

There are always many people who are alone at Christmas and are looking for volunteer work. There is someone out there who would be glad of this opportunity. You just need to find them! (Hard I know as you are ridiculously busy with your family and work).

No I would hold of 5 years before starting a career with such unsociable hours with 5 young children and no support network