AIBU by people's reactions.

[ZebraGiraffe12]

My family and I have just got back from an amazing 2 weeks in Spain. Whilst there we as a family (including the kids) decided to stop doing Christmas presents minus a small present from me and my husband. We've said we don't want any presents from family and instead we want money to be added to our family holiday fund so we can enjoy a big summer holiday every year. I know some people don't like to give money but for us it makes the most sense.

I've spoken to most people and they've said its a great idea. However, my MIL has refused. She said she is not seeing her grandchildren go without presents and we are selfish to expect them to. AIBU to be angry with her for not listening.

The problems with this are:

• You are sucking the joy out of choosing presents and the children don’t get a present from those family members (they won’t understand a holiday is instead). If you ask for cash, it may as well be to pay the leccy bill or TV licence.

• By asking for cash, the amount they spend is very obvious (no deal hunting for them) so they are forced to spend over a certain amount not to look stingy.

I think there’s no harm in ‘asking’, but a CF to ‘demand’ and then get annoyed because others don’t want to fall in with what you want.

Firstly, you are cuckoo.

Secondly, I hope your kids are not actually 1 and 4 because aside from being cuckoo you are double cuckoo if you think a 1 and 4 year old can engage in a conversation about family finances.

Thirdly, aside from how utterly cuckoo you are (apologies to any cuckoos who I feel would be rightfully offended by the comparison), if what this is actually about is saving money for Christmas for a summer holiday, you could just TELL family/friends (if you have any left) that you, as a family, with the stringent rubber stamp of approval from the 1 year old, that you won’t be buying Christmas gifts this year as you’ll be pretending that holiday doesn’t exist so that you can have a longer and more extravagant summer jolly. However, you then can’t expect them to still buy (be that in present form or cash form) for you when you’re not buying for them.

And if I asked my mum to not buy her grandchildren a Christmas gift, she would think I was utterly batshit. And my mum is not in any way the interfering or argumentative type. I’m very sure that she would become both interfering and argumentative if I tried to stand between her as a grandma and her poor grandkids receiving a Christmas gift from her though. She definitely wouldn’t reward my grabbiness by tipping the contents of her purse into my Benidorm fund though, sadly.

I would have more sympathy had Op come back from holiday knowing they couldn’t ever afford again. Having had such a good time, trying to think of ways to finance it again might go round your head. It may seem to worth it.

But with a combined income of over 140k, expect people to finance a holiday with money that would be spent on the kids is odd. If money is given it would belong to the kids.

Why would a 1 and 4 year old be paying for their own holiday? All to save their mum and dad a bit of money?

I do hope you write for a living. 😂

I don’t really understand how you would save money this way. Presumably you also buy those people you’ve asked for money presents. So it’s just an exchange anyway.

Why not just decide not to buy any presents for anyone, and not to receive any presents for anyone. This is the only way you will actually save money.

You can ask but they can say no. And tbh if you earn a lot of money it's a bit off. My in-laws give me money for Christmas that I spend on our national trust membership, we wouldn't be able to afford it otherwise. My mum always gives me money for my birthday with a note telling me to use it to buy myself some clothes without holes in.

OP has not returned. Can only assume she is waiting for the one year old to type out a fluent defence of mum's decision...

Same difference.

In both scenarios OP is net cash neutral. If anything, she is better off in her proposed scenario as its likely that people would gift more money than they would have spent on a present.

😂

I'm sorry but I see this as cheeky fuckery of the highest order!

You don’t get to dictate what people do or don’t give you op. Sorry but this makes you sound really spoilt & entitled!!!

Exactly! I got taken to Pontins and Haven when I was little and had the time of my life 😄Young children couldn't give a fuck about going abroad, holidays are all the same to them.

OP probably told everyone it was the one-year-old's idea.

Better option = you put Christmas present money aside for holidays and no one else needs to do it. I actually understand your logic, but also see why it’s not a good look to others.

Isn't a holiday abroad just another form of overconsumption? No one really needs to fly abroad every summer. A holiday isn't somehow worthier than Christmas presents (and vice-versa).

It's easy for kids to say they will forego Christmas presents in lieu of an annual holiday whilst still in the throes of the holiday buzz.

Fast forward to December 25th when they're say with no presents to open and I guarantee they will feel very VERY different.

Well, a 1 year old can't, really, and I suspect a 4 year old would get tearful.

I told everyone years ago I wasn't giving or wanting to receive Chrissy pressies any more. I don't do Christmas (fun loving atheist) so its stupid. I asked for the money to go to one of the charities I support (don't know if this happened) but I sent what I would have spent to same charities. As an adult there is a limit to the amount of "stuff" you need or want. However, I didn't have 2 pre-school age kids.

When little, Christmas was great with grandparents staying for a couple of weeks (months) and lots of bits of things wrapped under the tree. You had to be quick before the cat destroyed it. She would shoot up the trunk and knock all the baubles off and eat the tinsel if you didn't watch her, lots of sparkly cat shit.

When kids are 1 and 4 years old Christmas is the most exciting time of the year, at Christmas time, but summer holidays on the beach are the most exciting time of the year in the summer. No-one could reasonably expect kids this age to be able to make an informed decision as to what they want. They very much live in the here and now and can't understand what is going to happen in 6 months time. A 2 hour car journey elicits so many "are we nearly there yet"s? that what's happening half a year away may just as well be in another geological age.

It would be fair enough to say only buy things for the kids and we will only buy for the other kids in the family to save money and that way the kids get Christmas and you have saved money to put towards the next hols.

Spot on

Honestly in the middle of summer when you're fresh off your hols and have 12 months to wait until your next one, it'll seems like an awesome idea to your kids.

On Christmas morning when they're getting up to one small gift and then returning to school to hear their friends chat about everything they got, they won't be as committed to the idea!

Also, I'm against tat for tats sake but I think you're being too dictorial about what their grandparents get them.

They can't consent to it anyway, @ohfook - they're 1 and 4!

Depends on your family traditions I suppose. My granny used to buy us two vests, two pairs of knickers and some school socks every Christmas I think my GC prefer the things they get with the money I send

It is probably the best thing to do, I have people I feel obliged to buy for so I buy a fancy toiletry set and they buy me some fancy chocolates and at the end of the day they are fine with Lidl toiletries and I'm fine with Cadburys and it is all a colossal waste of money. Not to mention the agonising moment you realise they've spent more than you and you feel guilty and embarrassed.

As for the "joy" of shopping for Christmas presents, no I can't see that it is just another chore. On the other hand sitting down to a Christmas meal, playing boardgames with the kids, going to a Carol Service makes a lovely Christmas.

I don't think the 1 year old is at school and the 4 year old will have forgotten what they got by January.