Made a fool of my self tonight and now I feel so low

[passwordrequired]

Oh I need to just write this down to calm down. I love on a fairly long street and it's a quiet area all people are lovely.

We have this one guy who lives on the road who is a pain I've had run ins with past. He drives up and down it at 60 miles per hour on a 20 mph road. (School on the road)

My kids I darent let them out on the front to play just incase he's bombing it down the street. He's always got police at his door or arguing.

Last night 3 am and then at 4.30am he's fighting in the front with his dad. I had no sleep because of this.

Then around 8pm tonight he's arguing driving recklessly way above the limit. My little girl got upset because the cars are so loud.

Any way he pulled back up got out of his car and I went over lost my shit. Said it was unbearablle.

He threatened to batter me and I had half the street watching.
My husband is mr nice guy and didn't get involved much. My next door neighbour was sticking up and saying she has young. Children and it's unbearable.

It was resolved in the end he said sorry but I feel so ashamed that I was so hot headed and got angry and all the street were watching,

Some of the ladies on the street said good on me for doing it.

But I just feel like a complete nutter now.

Why did I react like that 😔😔

You said you could handle it. A man threatening to batter you.

I don't think women should be left to deal alone with men threatening to batter them.
If you are expected to do that in your job you are not being protected.

I agree a man should intervene with caution and be careful not to escalate.
But I think at least being there right by you visible, is a minimum.
And a word of warning or caution to the aggressive man threatening his wife. And a readiness to act would be expected of a man if his wife is being physically threatened by another man.

This isn't just an angry man. He was threatening to physically hurt her. Publicly.
The fact women are expected to tolerate and deal with this level of threat alone is a poor indication of society not a great moment for feminism.

I can, I haven’t said women can, you’re conflating the two.

The reality of life is that sometimes this happens (particularly in some professional fields), it’s not appropriate or necessary to be escorted by men all the time and that’s OK.

Nobody ‘expects’ women to tolerate or deal with this alone, but if she chooses to, and a man respects that, it’s not an indicator that he is spineless.

If OP wanted her husband to step up that’s fine, her choice (although it sounds like she did a fucking awesome job by herself), my objection is the assumption that a woman needs the protection of a man by default.

It's called a backbone OP - many sit back and complain about these things, very few have the backbone to challenge it. Preferring to put up with it, to frightened of the many what if's, buts and maybe's.

There is a caveat to it mind - you do need to be aware of your safety, surroundings and be aware of how far you can go without getting yourself in bother! I've seen some mistake backbone with sheer pigheadedness and stupidity!

I've done this too, confronting a neighbour who kept leaving dog crap outside our house right by the front door on the public footpath on a school route, it absolutely stunk and on one occasion had to clean it off the wheels of our pram when I was not aware. Pretty sure they were doing it on person to get a reaction now I think about it! Normal people would pull their dog away or bag the poo! Got all the lip and called every name under the sun. I wasn't proud of my actions as I called them some choice names back when I should have held my cool..but it was pure adrenaline I was literally shaking afterwards.

Be warned though, I mentioned speaking to the police about the incident and the horrid man who was much bigger than me, threatened me and (it turns out later) known to be a pot head reported ME to the police. All that happened was I got a polite letter from them which I responded with my side of the story but I was utterly furious the cf did that. So @passwordrequired I would log it with the police for this reason alone.

If the random woman in question had gone after an argument and was perfectly capable of getting away if she wanted to, I very much hope my DH would stay well out of it and/or call the police. Why would I want him injured or possibly killed for the sake of a random stranger?

I know that if I was being threatened verbally then my DH would be there to protect me (hopefully without violence) but I’d like to think I will never (again) go out of my way to put him in danger and I certainly wouldn’t want him escalating things. Thankfully he is a pacifist and would never throw the first punch, but that won’t always stop him from being a target.

I’m guessing 110 years ago a lot of you would have been handing out white feathers to the conscientious objectors?

You were driven over the edge and the adrenaline rush fuelled your fire. At time of posting it had all burnt out, leaving you feeling low. It's normal, post fight or flight.

Reporting this kind of behaviour can help.

www.gov.uk/guidance/noise-nuisances-how-councils-deal-with-complaints

You feel low because your adrenaline is crashing back down.
It’s a good thing that you’re not afraid to stick up for yourself. Just make sure you are not angry and erratic with parenting your DC

Yeah, shame on then men for not wanting to risk getting into a physical fight that could result in them getting seriously hurt or arrested or both.

Well done OP.
Have you a video camera?
If not get one.
Start a papertrail with the local police regarding his dangerous driving and how his speed is an accident for a child waiting to happen.
Keep asking why your repeated calls are not being answered and he is allowed to continue with his anti social dangerous behaviour.
You can then report to the police authorities.
Creating a paper trail is always the wisest thing to do to deal with inaction.

You have nothing to be ashamed of.

Good for you missus. Also echo getting door cameras.

You did nothing wrong. You you feel proud of yourself!

You didn't make a fool of yourself.

I bet your the local hero - especially making Mr big bollocks end up apologising. That would have been his lowest moment!

You did good op. Shame on your husband not supporting you better. He should have been by your side and saying the same.

Report him every time, especially the drink driving. He needs to be caught in the act to be charged. I would also look into whether speed bumps could be installed.

I guess the only real problem is that if nothing changes then you won't be able to report him for antisocial behaviour because he'll know who it most likely was now. Apart from that it's not surprising people lose it sometimes. We all have people like that in communities ruining neighbourhoods for everyone else.

This is my stance too. I can't get past the OP's husband just looking on whilst his wife was abused by the neighbourhood thug, threatening to batter her. That would be the end of the marriage for me to be honest. I couldn't stay with a man like this.

@BlackShuck3 · Yesterday 23:22

I DO understand why he is getting some flack on here BUT I think your husband probably took the best course of action. He knew this guy wouldn't do anything with so many people watching and that if he waded in it would only inflame the situation.

@seethingmess

Or he could just be a spineless coward who wants everyone, including a drunk joyrider, to like him?

100% what seethingmess said. ^

100% agree.

Or to actually have a backbone, speak up and show a man that he is wrong by both verbally assaulting a woman and being a noise nuisance

Umm.... there's kerazzzzy thought

To stand by and say nothing, or get into a physical fight are not the only 2 options, you know.

You obviously didn’t read the thread properly as TCA was replying to a poster that said it was shameful that the men on the street didn’t ‘threaten to paste him’.

In the words of Martin Luther King:

“Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars... Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”

Yes, because drunk abusive men are usually sooooo receptive to being 'shown' where they are going wrong. I'm sure he would have listened carefully, pondered on his actions before having a Damascene moment and going on to lead rich and fulfilling life. Anyone who has worked in a bar or nightclub would have seen how quiickly thigs spiral out of control into very real violence when two men need to 'have a word' with one another. I guess its easier to label someone not wanting to get into a volatile situation a coward but don't underestimate the self preservation instinct of not getting your head kicked in.

Mmm. Im not sure to be honest. There’s always a judgement to be made as to whether something could escalate - it’s not as easy a “having a backbone’. Doubt it will actually change his behaviour if he’s as horrible as you say.

I'd hate to be neighbours with a judgmental snob like you. You people are the worst.

Why not get the street together and stand outside his house making a strong suggestion that either he drives properly or else

You didn't make a fool,of yourself. You did what needed to be done. People like him need a lot more than a telling off though. Someone might do that and he might stop being a little cunt.