Aibu to not simply give DB half of this money??

[Gcn]

Years ago (prob around 15 years ago), DM set up a joint savings account with me. At the time she said she and her mum had one and that I should consider the money mine. It's a 40 day notice account. Early on I put some money in, but she put in the lion's share. When I was a king big purchases (e.g. New kitchen, car) she'd say to take it from that account. I never did - too much hassle to withdraw money. Over the past 10 is years it's just sat there, I've put in the odd £50 to keep it active. But it's gaining no interest now, so I wanted to move it to another account. When I mentioned it to mum to get her permission as joint account holder she agreed and has written a letter to bank to that effect.

Anyway DB is visiting for a few days and he mentioned how dm is anxious about the money, that she can't remember where the money came from, and that she wants to split it between him and me.

Aibu to disagree? It's not all her money to decide what to do with. If I'd used it when she'd suggested then there'd be very little left. There about £13k in it, mum will have put in around £6k I think, but have no statements from when it was opened. DM is terminally ill. If I hadn't mentioned the account to her it would have just come to me when she dies. She wants it sorted out and wants me to give £6.5k to DB.

So steal from her brother?
Nice!

I'd work out how much money you put in, plus interest, and withdraw it immediately, OP. Ask your mum what she wants you to do with the remaining money which she put in.

Give him half of her half and you take the other half.
*You get £9k give him his share of her contribution
*
Should of took the money for the kitchen 😬

Have I picked this up wrong? So there's £13k, your mum put in £6k meaning you put in £7k. But your mum wants to split the money between you and DB so £6.5k each. You don't sound as if you are struggling as you didn't need money when offered earlier (although your circumstances might have changed). Are you really going to cause your mum distress when she's dying and fall out with your brother over £500?

Not being funny, but who puts money into an account they opened 15 years ago, the interest must be 0.25%.

Genuine question, what's stopping your mum from transferring her contributions into the account, to your brother anyway?

This.

You can hardly hold it back given her wishes now, even if she offered you use it for purchases in the past that ship has sailed.

What’s the sorry with this set up being between females only - was it intended as an escape fund or similar?

Get the statements and pay your brother anything your DM put in. I would suggest you can keep the interest for being the person that managed the account.

I'd just say no.

Tell him you've put in more than half of what is there and explain what it was originally for.

If I were him I'd be pissed if your Mum didn't do one for him too, but that is not your problem.

Early on I put some money in, but she put in the lion's share. I've put in the odd £50 to keep it active.

There about £13k in it, mum will have put in around £6k I think

So what is the truth, who put in the lion’s share? Because it sounds very much like you are rewriting history here. You are not sure. The bank has no statements. If you take all the money it’s stealing.

Just to answer a couple of questions. Initially mum out in lion's share, but I added to it in first few years and it has accrued interest over 15 years (little in past few)

My brother isn't manipulative at all, but he'll be the one who hears about it as he lives closer to mum and sees her more often.

Only way for us to withdraw money is for us both to attend a branch - no branches in country where mum lives so bank have agreed a signed authorisation from her will allow me to close/withdraw funds in branch.

I think the suggestion re taking my half, giving her her half, her doing what she wants with her half is best one.

Agree with this. Why not take out anything you put in now, transfer all that to your own account, and then discuss with your Mum splitting all her share between you and your brother. It sounds as though your Mum thinks she was the only one putting anything in.

If it’s a joint account - and she wants to share her half between daughter and son, doesn’t that mean he gets 1/4 of it?

Legally she can only dictate what she wants to do with her half?

So when you move the money, will it still be in you and your mum’s name or just yours?

(legally she's given me permission to withdraw all funds. Legally I could take all the money, put it all in an account in my name and she'd have no say over it at all. My question was more about reasonableness/ morality.)

In just mine.

This would be unreasonable because it doesn’t sound like that’s the reason she’s given you those powers. She likely assumes that you’ll use her permission letter to split her portion of the money between yourself and your brother so to use that permission to take it all for yourself against her wishes would be immoral.

I understand that it’s frustrating that money you thought was yours ultimately may have to be shared because your mother changed her mind. But, ultimately, she is now thinking about her affairs seriously for the first time as she has a terminal diagnosis and she had been clear of her intentions for this money.

Also, you clearly don’t need it particularly if you paid for your own new kitchen yourself despite having been offered the use of this money because it was a hassle to withdraw!

Just do what you know you have to do and share it and save yourself the drama and crisis of conscience that you’ll have if you don’t.

I don’t know the legal ins and outs of a joint account .. however I do think the fact your mum is sadly terminally may have legal implications so you need to check that out .

Then morally you may want to give him 25%?

I’d be inclined to move your half now (you HAVE put money in over the years and in law the account is joint, so half of it is yours).

Then you split her share? (Otherwise, he gets half of the accumulated funds you have entered)

I understand what you mean, but the money she put in is still hers though, so morally it’s wrong. I assume you want to move the money purely so that it is in your name, not because of the interest if you are being honest. I know that you can and that it is tempting, it’s a difficult one, but it does feel wrong as you haven’t needed it to escape anywhere or needed it at all actually.

How unfair of your mum to not do the same for your brother..

To be clear, I'm moving it now first because of the interest and second because it's easier to deal with if in an online account in my name. I'm not going to risk my relationship with dm or DB over a few thousand pounds!

(and re unfairness of mum not to do same for DB - she paid for his wedding a few years ago, which will have been more £)

Ok fair enough.

It is a bit unusual and slightly unfair for your DM to change her mind about the intentions of the account. Does she have capacity to make financial decisions? It sounds like your DM may give your brother her half as she thinks you'll have your half which is slightly unfair as he is also technically getting your half of your mothers. So technically you should get 2/3 and DB a 1/3 if any. Personally i hate mixing money and family so id get the statements showing what each has put in and withdrawn mine. Keep the reminder in your mother's name as part of her estate when she passes. DB shouldn't be getting involved, does he know how much is in the account? He has contributed nothing so I would not feel comfortable giving him anything until after your DM passes

It is money in the end of the day. Do what you want with it and if you love your brother, do not part ways with him due to this.

Sounds like you’re going to be over and above in terms of being reasonable op.

I would mention to your brother that you have been saving money into the account to as this is your savings op. Me and my family are very reasonable about money too but your mum might not have been clear with him that you have paid in and accrued interest etc - if he’s clear on that he might just say “oh I didn’t realise, you keep your half and we’ll split mums half in half”.