Aibu to not simply give DB half of this money??

[Gcn]

Years ago (prob around 15 years ago), DM set up a joint savings account with me. At the time she said she and her mum had one and that I should consider the money mine. It's a 40 day notice account. Early on I put some money in, but she put in the lion's share. When I was a king big purchases (e.g. New kitchen, car) she'd say to take it from that account. I never did - too much hassle to withdraw money. Over the past 10 is years it's just sat there, I've put in the odd £50 to keep it active. But it's gaining no interest now, so I wanted to move it to another account. When I mentioned it to mum to get her permission as joint account holder she agreed and has written a letter to bank to that effect.

Anyway DB is visiting for a few days and he mentioned how dm is anxious about the money, that she can't remember where the money came from, and that she wants to split it between him and me.

Aibu to disagree? It's not all her money to decide what to do with. If I'd used it when she'd suggested then there'd be very little left. There about £13k in it, mum will have put in around £6k I think, but have no statements from when it was opened. DM is terminally ill. If I hadn't mentioned the account to her it would have just come to me when she dies. She wants it sorted out and wants me to give £6.5k to DB.

It is a joint account and your mother is still living.
I would propose that you each take half and with her half she:

. does what she likes while living.
. leaves half each to you and your brother after her death.
. puts it aside for her funeral costs.

I think you should take your half out so as not to foggy the situation for your mother.
.

Just withdraw it all now and close the account. It will then not be part of her estate. There is no “her half” now but you also don’t want to have this discussion after she passes.

DB gets a quarter of it at most.

Yeah, lie to your brother about your terminally-ill mother's money. That's always the go-to option. I can't imagine why we're discussing this further.

Ah yes. Steal your mother’s money from the joint account that bears her name and entitles her to the contents whilst your mother is still alive and may want or need to use some of it to fulfil some bucket list dreams following her terminal diagnosis. Just so you can make sure you’re keeping all of it after her death and your brother doesn’t inherit. Sound advice 🙄

What's the big deal? Just get some statements, withdraw whatever you put in, then split the rest.

I’d work out what each person has put in, and divide her money between the two of you if there hasn’t been a separate account for him.

Early on I put some money in, but she put in the lion's share.

There about £13k in it, mum will have put in around £6k I think

These two statements kind of contradict each other? The lion's share means the largest part but you are suggesting in the second statement that you put in the most? Get a statement and figure it out. Then split what your mother put in as you mother wishes. Falling out with family over a few grand when your mother is terminally ill is pretty shit.

Agree with this.
Sadly, it sounds like your mum wouldn't remember the conversation about you having all of it.

@Gcn who told your brother about the account>>> he has a cheek and it looks like he is after the money!! I wouldnt believe a word he says!

Talk to your mum.

ultimately if 6k of it is hers give her the 6k back and she can do with it what she wants. Ideally she’d split it between you and your db but I can guess if she is viewing the whole account as hers then she will think you’ve had your half and give your brother 6k. So talk to her.

There would be nothing (legally) to stop me from withdrawing it all and moving it to my own account. A joint account isn't just split 50/50.

So why didn't you just do that?

If I genuinely thought that she wanted him to have what she put in then that's what I'd do?

Talk to her when your brother is not around to manipulate her. Remind her that you put money into the account too and that it was for your kitchen, but the 40 day notice period meant you couldn’t access the funds in time.

The money is jointly toned by virtue of being in a joint account, so your brother can’t access it without your consent, but you could consider agreeing to give him 25% (half if her half).

Just coming on to say this.

I don't know whether DB has similar, I'd doubt it though.

Why would your DB not have one?

If he doesn’t, then it sounds like this account was always destined to me half his.

No parent would have a savings account for only one child.

Draw out the money you have put in and then half the rest with your DB, which is actually your mums half.

Not sure it works that way. Money out in became both of their’s when it entered the account. I’d say, regardless of who contributed, they both own every penny jointly. Therefore, the fairest way to manage it is for the OP to have half snd her mother to do as she wishes with the other half. If that is to split it between her children, then the OP gets 75% and her brother gets 25%.

I would ask myself how I’d feel if roles were reversed and my mum had made up a shared account with my brother that she didn’t want me to benefit from at all. I agree with poster who pointed out that OP contradicted herself - either mum has done the lion’s share ie put more money into it, or you have. Get the statements in writing, show your brother your input over the years and say of course you will split the money in this account but obviously you will first withdraw the amount you’ve put in as that’s yours alone. And then I’d suggest saving some of this money towards funeral bills for DM.

Tell him the reason for the account, and that he's not getting any of it. If he pushes it, give him half of DM's share & you keep the other half. You can get bank statements to clarify your credits.

My name is on my DM's savings account, I don't touch it, and I'll be sharing that with DS when the time comes, but that's different to yours, as your DM told you it was your running away money.

The only fair way to fo this is to withdraw the money you put in and keep that yourself. If your Mum does not want her share then that should be split between you and your brother. It would be unfair and greedy to keep the money for yourself.

I do not regard this money as the OP’s mother’s. It was a gift, set up as a gift, and her mother always intended it to be used by OP. If it had been a n object, like a car or jewelry or been spent by OP on the kitchen there would be no question that it wholly belongs to OP.

While you have a case you do have to decide what it's worth to you. Upsetting your dying mum. Causing a rift with your brother. Get the statements so you can work out exactly what you have paid in. Take that out. Then decide what to do with the rest. If your brother doesn't have similar than split in half if you want to keep your brother.

Has this come from him or your mother?

It sounds like there wasn't a similar account for DB but it's suss that the message to share with him came from him.

Speak your mum on your way own and find out what she has to say and explain your pov

As others have suggested, you find out how much she put in, how much you put in, split interest by the respective percentages and give your brother half of her share.

My mother had a savings account that she transferred into my name a couple of years before she died. She seemed to think it would be safer from HMRC / which wasn’t an issue anyway. When she died I told the solicitor and asked him to include it in the estate so my brother got his half.
To have done any different would have been stealing.