Not trying to be inflammatory but why do people *need* more than two kids?

[ConstantlyFuriosa]

Just that.

I love this, there is such joy in our children too!

What we need is redistribution of the existing global population, not more people

How do you suggest they are redistributed? Do they get a say? 😆

I agree and recommend the documentary "Birth Gap" on the subject

Because otherwise they end up in therapy as an adult if their needs aren’t fully met as a child.

Nobody 'needs' more than 2 kids and no woman 'needs' to justify what she does or doesn't or can or cannot do with her uterus. If you asked me this in real life I'd tell you it was none of your business, end of discussion

From what I’ve observed from knowing families with 3 or more children is that....this is bullshit. maybe you just know some shitty families.

I actually can not believe what I have read, what a sweeping generalisation. I have 4 children

• dental hygiene - Appointments attended every 6 months
• personal hygiene - Bath/shower depending on age every single night
• clean bedding, clothing etc - Read my previous thread, I was flamed for our clean bedding and clothes routine
• the child being able to have their own bedroom (this becomes really important as they reach puberty) - Bedroom each
• helping with homework and extra needs children may have like speech therapy etc - 4 kids all have/at/going to uni - 1 has just finished their Masters.
• one to one time with their parents - All had one on one.
• shoes and clothes that aren’t handed down and fit properly. - Always had new clothes each and never had hand me downs, ill fitting clothes come on
• teaching children things like manners, respect etc - If you teach one they all learn as they hear what you and their siblings say.

Most of the things you have said I mostly see in 1-2 children families as they are the majority in this country.

From what I have seen of larger families (so not evidence based at all!) They are either particularly wealthy and can afford to throw money at things like extra bedrooms, holidays and schooling so the kids do grow up well rounded having had a great childhood or they are a byproduct* *of a dysfunctional (at best) relationship with no money for the essentials, crammed in over crowded accommodation and generally struggling to get by.
Most people I know are two full time working parents and one or two children, this seems to have been based on how many times we could afford maternity leave, child care and the affordability of three bedroom family homes.

Biology, to fill a void/right the wrongs of their own childhood, because they want to, lack of contraception, cultural pressures/norms, to feel loved and wanted.

@SwingTheMonkey I think the OP is referring to the benefit cap,ie why do people who rely on benefits choose to have more than two children. Not people like you.

I don't that's true of all families. I've definitely seen people who have a lot of energy and can devote it to their large families. However I also know someone who loved having babies and being pregnant. She devoted a lot of attention to them in their early years but lost interest around primary school.

The older daughter had to look after the younger ones and was resentful of that. She also felt that she didn't get enough attention for her emotional needs.

I think this is extremely selfish. I also think that it's what happens in a substantial minority of big families. Even those with large families who DO give attention to all their children must be aware of this.

We did and had the third one. We don't claim any benefits.

We're training up the tax payers of the future.

I don't understand why child benefit would even be a consideration when you choose to have another child. As if 96 quid a month makes that much difference in how much it actually costs to have/raise a kid, really. Less for the second. Don't know how much it is as I only have one but think like £60ish? It's gone before I even know it's in my bank 😂

You can't imagine the cir ymsta yes in which people might end up with 3 kids and be struggling financially, but you're cool with people planning to have kids they can't afford it they're trying for a girl?

Unless it also applies to some other benefit that I'm not entitled to/aware of.

They don't 'need' them, they often want them. Some like to be stretched, some have a third by accident but it turns out happily.

Before I married, I always wanted three children but ended up with one :-). No complaints, that all turned out happily.

Because I had two children in an abusive relationship, which I left.

And would like to have a child in a loving relationship with my partner. I don't need another one.

I'm assuming cost to taxpayer?

So all families that have more than 2 children are claiming benefits...... so basically a benefit bashing post.

We are a family of 4 children, never claimed benefits not entitled to child benefit, private dentist, private schools, private GP only use the NHS when an emergency or long term condition, although see the consultant privately.

Can you imagine the uproar on MN if people made sweeping generalisation/stereotypes on other numbers of children or social economical groups.

I don't know the statistics but imagine that most families these days would stop at two children because of economic circumstances.

My two are now in their 40s - could have afforded more but two was enough. Back in the 70/80s it was easy to buy a family home on two average incomes which is obviously not the case now.

This. You can drive meaning and satisfaction from work, but a career is not the be all and end all of life. You're 100% replaceable at work, but not to your family.

Also your second paragraph does actually ring true in my experience, particularly with men. I'm sure many of us have seen the men who are in the office from 8am - 8pm who have no wife, no kids but a big career. It's tragic really, even more so the ones who can work from home but still come in twelve hours five days a week.

There are a lot of wealthy posters on mumsnet these days.

Anyone having their own room is a very modern and, worldwide, unusual thing. We're the outliers here.

You can drive meaning and satisfaction from work, but a career is not the be all and end all of life.

Neither is having children IMO.

If someone can afford to have multiple children without depending on benefits then it really doesn't matter how many children they have. There are lots of parents with 1 or 2 children and they don't make their children their priority.