Page 3 | Not trying to be inflammatory but why do people *need* more than two kids?

TheHeadOfTheHouse · 27/07/2024 06:12

From what I’ve observed from knowing families with 3 or more children is that they aren’t brought up properly imo.

yeah they do extra activities and go on holidays, but that doesn't mean the child’s wellbeing and needs are fulfilled.

with each child people have, the parents standard of care declines. I don’t believe you can have 3 or more children and fulfil all their needs and shape them into a well rounded, decent, unscathed adult.

Things get missed the more children you have like:

dental hygiene
personal hygiene
clean bedding, clothing etc
the child being able to have their own bedroom (this becomes really important as they reach puberty)
helping with homework and extra needs children may have like speech therapy etc
one to one time with their parents
shoes and clothes that aren’t handed down and fit properly.
teaching children things like manners, respect etc

The things above take up a hell of a lot of time and there’s no way they’re done properly with more than 2 children.

BeethovenNinth · 27/07/2024 06:13

We were lucky to be able to afford more. Mine begin brilliantly (I have three). I would have had four if younger.

the west is running out of kids!

Mrsdyna · 27/07/2024 06:14

It doesn't make sense to use the word "need". We don't really need much i.e partners, friendships, our parents after a certain age etc. The only things we need are true essentials like air, food, water.

Mrsdyna · 27/07/2024 06:17

FateReset · 27/07/2024 05:24

This puzzles me too. You would think, after the second child they would ask themselves if they can afford to have a third and give it a good upbringing, without the first ones missing out.
I sort of understand when people have 2 boys yet desperately want a daughter and had hoped their second was a girl, this seems a fairly common reason for having 3+ kids.

What makes you think that people don't think that? We are well off and so we decided to.

Tibssix · 27/07/2024 06:17

TheHeadOfTheHouse · 27/07/2024 06:12

From what I’ve observed from knowing families with 3 or more children is that they aren’t brought up properly imo.

yeah they do extra activities and go on holidays, but that doesn't mean the child’s wellbeing and needs are fulfilled.

with each child people have, the parents standard of care declines. I don’t believe you can have 3 or more children and fulfil all their needs and shape them into a well rounded, decent, unscathed adult.

Things get missed the more children you have like:

dental hygiene
personal hygiene
clean bedding, clothing etc
the child being able to have their own bedroom (this becomes really important as they reach puberty)
helping with homework and extra needs children may have like speech therapy etc
one to one time with their parents
shoes and clothes that aren’t handed down and fit properly.
teaching children things like manners, respect etc

The things above take up a hell of a lot of time and there’s no way they’re done properly with more than 2 children.

You are judging everyone by your own standards there. You couldn't manage to raise more than 2 well rounded, well mannered kids with clean teeth, a clean bed, a bedroom each, nice clothes and a some well fitted Clarks. Plenty can.

TempestTost · 27/07/2024 06:19

RosyappleA · 27/07/2024 06:02

In DH’s family everyone has girls. 2-3 girls now me with 2 girls, he is an only son. We will try another as that’s it. I understand the need to be comfortable but I think nowadays there is too much pressure to afford 6 after school hobbies for each child, expensive days out and holidays multiple times a year and then claim kids are unaffordable. Just because you splash out so much on kids doesn’t mean they won’t grow up to be awful adults either. My parents had nothing but me and my brother are highly educated with good careers. No private schools or private tuition either, just a very hands on mum who loved kids. Those who just don’t want them at all, I do understand, it is a very different and difficult life raising them.

Yeah, I kind of think this too.

In fact, one of the things about the environmental impact of children is that it's often the kids in western countries, not in places where they have larger families, that have the largest footprint. Why? Because the parents try and give those kids a luxurious (in worldwide/historical terms) lifestyle. Those kids grow into adults that see that as "normal" and expect a similar or better lifestyle as adults and for their kids.

In bigger families you typically see kids sharing rooms, with hand me downs, having to decide of which activities to pursue or choosing less expensive ones, entertaining themselves, taking far fewer trips to less exotic locales. They don't grow up into adults who believe they need two or three bathrooms, an overseas holiday once a year, etc. This is a good thing.

IncompleteSenten · 27/07/2024 06:19

You are confusing need and want.

Toastghost · 27/07/2024 06:19

@TheHeadOfTheHouse speak for yourself… plenty do manage all this with 3.

BarHumbugs · 27/07/2024 06:20

I can't think why you'd 'need' any children unless you're running some sort of sweat shop in which the more the better.

TheHeadOfTheHouse · 27/07/2024 06:20

Tibssix · 27/07/2024 06:17

You are judging everyone by your own standards there. You couldn't manage to raise more than 2 well rounded, well mannered kids with clean teeth, a clean bed, a bedroom each, nice clothes and a some well fitted Clarks. Plenty can.

Edited

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It’s what I’ve observed from growing up on a council estate, to now being in an affluent area.

its not possible to cater for every child’s need if you have more than 2.

ive seen it so many times in real life, people think their children are well cared for etc, but actually their standards are really low and it’s not what I call being cared for properly.

RampantIvy · 27/07/2024 06:21

TheHeadOfTheHouse · 27/07/2024 06:12

From what I’ve observed from knowing families with 3 or more children is that they aren’t brought up properly imo.

yeah they do extra activities and go on holidays, but that doesn't mean the child’s wellbeing and needs are fulfilled.

with each child people have, the parents standard of care declines. I don’t believe you can have 3 or more children and fulfil all their needs and shape them into a well rounded, decent, unscathed adult.

Things get missed the more children you have like:

dental hygiene
personal hygiene
clean bedding, clothing etc
the child being able to have their own bedroom (this becomes really important as they reach puberty)
helping with homework and extra needs children may have like speech therapy etc
one to one time with their parents
shoes and clothes that aren’t handed down and fit properly.
teaching children things like manners, respect etc

The things above take up a hell of a lot of time and there’s no way they’re done properly with more than 2 children.

Even I think this is a ridiculous assumption. I don't recognise any of this in any of the families I know with three or more children.

However, they are all financially secure and well educated and have high aspirations for their children.

Hangingupnow · 27/07/2024 06:22

From what I’ve observed from knowing families with 3 or more children is that they aren’t brought up properly imo.

what a load of crap.

Tibssix · 27/07/2024 06:22

TheHeadOfTheHouse · 27/07/2024 06:20

It’s what I’ve observed from growing up on a council estate, to now being in an affluent area.

its not possible to cater for every child’s need if you have more than 2.

ive seen it so many times in real life, people think their children are well cared for etc, but actually their standards are really low and it’s not what I call being cared for properly.

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How many children do you have?

Mrsdyna · 27/07/2024 06:23

Yumyumm · 27/07/2024 05:37

The people I know with 3+ kids are shm and don't have careers. I often get the feeling they're trying to fill a void - they're bored/lonely etc and can't afford the children they have, but keep going anyway. People on here will shoot me down, but I don't know any women with 4 kids that's got a great job!
One person I know has 8 kids!! Though they can afford it as her husband earns enough.

I think there's a bit of a misunderstanding here. You're seeing that some people with many kids don't have high-powered careers and assuming they have children because they're bored or trying to fill a void. For me, and many others I know, the decision to have a larger family isn't about lacking a career or being unfulfilled in other areas of life.

Personally, I've always valued family and my children above professional success. It's not that I ended up with many kids because I didn't have a great job, it's that I chose to focus on family because that's what matters most to me. For some of us, the fulfillment and joy we get from raising a large family outweigh any desire for a traditional career. Everyone's priorities are different, and for some, family is the greatest source of happiness and purpose.

TempestTost · 27/07/2024 06:24

Kids really don't need their own bedrooms.

Parents having their own bedrooms has only been culturally normative for about 5 minutes!

TheHeadOfTheHouse · 27/07/2024 06:24

Tibssix · 27/07/2024 06:22

How many children do you have?

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I have two

Hangingupnow · 27/07/2024 06:24

its not possible to cater for every child’s need if you have more than 2.

Lots of people can’t care for their 1 child though. I don’t think an extra child makes you go from caring, responsible parents to neglect. And why do you need to cater for every child’s need?

TheHeadOfTheHouse · 27/07/2024 06:24

TempestTost · 27/07/2024 06:24

Kids really don't need their own bedrooms.

Parents having their own bedrooms has only been culturally normative for about 5 minutes!

They do need their own rooms.

i really struggled sharing a bedroom as a child.

Hangingupnow · 27/07/2024 06:26

I grew up in a large house with 3 siblings. Could have had my own room for entire childhood but I chose to share for the majority of it.

TheRakesTale · 27/07/2024 06:27

Jjiillkkf · 27/07/2024 05:46

Low birth rate is an extremely serious demographic problem. And that's an understatement.

There appears to be some pretty fecund people on this thread...

marshmallowboy · 27/07/2024 06:28

showersandflowers · 27/07/2024 06:06

@marshmallowboy I aspire to be like you! Finding toddler stage challenging but trying to be more positive because you only enjoy them little once.

Seriously goes too fast. My youngest still has fond memories of putting his raincoat on and gumboots ( Australia - dry country) when it rained and jumping in so many puddles. I know it's peppa pig but you meet the neighbours, and they learn to chat and you find feathers. You can do a scavenger hunt ( don't make them too hard!! ) I once spent an hour walking around looking for an orange door! No idea what I was thinking putting that on the list, decided in the end that a red door was close enough. 😁

Now that they are adults ( well 3 out of 4) it is so nice to have someone who gets you, loves you and supports you no matter what. Family Christmas is sooo much fun ( don't play the drinking version of Finska in the sun starting at 10am though - BIG mistake). They have a song they sing ( well more a chant). "It's Christmas time " and they jump up and down. Sorry hard to explain..
Just one of the very , very , very many reasons I am so glad I had all 4 of mine. They are also are all different. Makes for some interesting conversations.
Sorry to blab on.
Enjoy your toddler. And don't stress! With my 4th my DH slept on a mattress on the floor next to his cot / toddler bed until DC was 5yo. Neither of us cared. DC is 12 now and has for years been happily taking himelf to bed and then getting himself up and dressed for school at 6.30 ( we live regionally). Nothing lasts forever.People seem to have a lot of angst. Sorry I don't mean to be patronising. Just my experience. x

IncompleteSenten · 27/07/2024 06:29

There are over 8 billion people in the world.

The world does not need more people.

What we need is redistribution of the existing global population, not more people.

MumChp · 27/07/2024 06:30

TheHeadOfTheHouse · 27/07/2024 06:12

From what I’ve observed from knowing families with 3 or more children is that they aren’t brought up properly imo.

yeah they do extra activities and go on holidays, but that doesn't mean the child’s wellbeing and needs are fulfilled.

with each child people have, the parents standard of care declines. I don’t believe you can have 3 or more children and fulfil all their needs and shape them into a well rounded, decent, unscathed adult.

Things get missed the more children you have like:

dental hygiene
personal hygiene
clean bedding, clothing etc
the child being able to have their own bedroom (this becomes really important as they reach puberty)
helping with homework and extra needs children may have like speech therapy etc
one to one time with their parents
shoes and clothes that aren’t handed down and fit properly.
teaching children things like manners, respect etc

The things above take up a hell of a lot of time and there’s no way they’re done properly with more than 2 children.

I have seen a lot of families with less than 3 kids fitting that list 1:1.

Tibssix · 27/07/2024 06:30

TheHeadOfTheHouse · 27/07/2024 06:24

I have two

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That's a relief! We wouldn't want baby number 3 to have to sleep in a bunk with hand me downs, cavities and really bad manners, heaven knows what they would be when they grow up.

marshmallowboy · 27/07/2024 06:30

IncompleteSenten · 27/07/2024 06:29

There are over 8 billion people in the world.

The world does not need more people.

What we need is redistribution of the existing global population, not more people.

I'm not sure South Korea and several other countries agree.