To be tired of being squeezed?

[squeeeezedmiddle]

I’m knackered and letting off steam perhaps but here goes: is anyone else tired of being the squeezed middle? I don’t know how other people manage without help from their families or inherited wealth.

DH and I both work in public sector middle income jobs, we don’t get bonuses or profit shares or anything like that. Neither of us comes from wealth and we haven’t had any inheritance nor do we expect anything. We’ve worked and saved and it still feels like we’re just scraping by. We’ve two DCs (5 and 2) and live in a 2 bed rental in London. I’ve worked part time since the DCs were born as childcare is so expensive so my wage will go up somewhat in a couple of years when the youngest is in school but nothing to really change our lives.

With the summer holidays I feel so much pressure and they’re both growing so quickly I’m constantly buying replacement clothes and shoes. Everything for the DCs and myself is secondhand (including clothes, toys, bicycle, etc) and much of DH as well. We haven’t any hobbies, I don’t have a gym membership or go to the hairdressers etc. We don’t eat out much, no takeouts but Nando’s once a month (I get a discount through my work.) I don’t have any more corners to cut.

i know we are relatively privileged, we have two incomes and no debts. But I would love to be in a position where I wasn’t constantly thinking about how much is in our bank account and whether the few quid I spend on a small toy for the DCs is going to impact my retirement. Our outgoings are low but our wages are too.

im sure I’ll get slammed for this but I wonder if there are others feeling the same way. I’m not trying to take attention from those on benefits, I know plenty need more help than we do (and should get it) but it’s just bloody exhausting and im feeling a bit hopeless at the momemnt.

You have my sympathies.

IMO London is verging on entirely unaffordable now for raising a family. The birth rate has dropped by about 20% there in 10 years - no wonder really.

Between housing and childcare costs, there’s not going to be much left over from even a pretty big household income.

£2-3k on housing plus £2-3k on childcare means you need a dual income household of £100k just to cover the basics with young children and work. Ludicrous.

Yes it’s astronomical. We’re on 80k gross and it’s just so tight every month. We’re lucky to have a landlord who hasn’t raised our rent in nine years but we’re in a tiny 2 bed for £1800. It’s 55sqm. We are lucky to be fairly central and have good access to parks and museums and transport but after childcare and electric and internet (we don’t even have a telly but do have a subscription) and of course the weekly shop, it’s all just gone. I look for bargains, buy own brand, don’t buy bio, and cook at home, mostly vegetarian. It’s like the money just disappears. I feel like an inadequate adult and imagined I’d be more stable at this point but it doesn’t feel like that at all.

Yep, have been feeling like this for quite a long time. When I think back I've just been quietly downgrading my lifestyle for several years now. At this point we are at no holidays, no savings, a single older car to share, no cinema trips, rare meals out, shop mostly in charity shops and sometimes in the sales.
I can afford food and keep the roof over our heads, which is the most important thing, but I have been feeling very down about the state of our lives just lately. Nothing to look forward to except more of the same for the next few years, though I'm hoping for better long term I don't actually know how I'm going to turn it around.
I'm absolutely knocking this adulting shite out of the park though with all these sensible choices. It's just all a bit joyless.

YANBU but your story echoes many others. Living on the edge with little/no savings. No treats. I understand your exhaustion. At the same time, there are people who get loads of help (inc GPs/inheritance etc) and big salaries....
As they say ' Comparison is the thief of Joy'
Take care

This was us a few years ago. I found it so frustrating that we had ‘good’ jobs on paper, but in reality we were verging on overdraft at the end of every month.

we ended up moving out of London - could that be an option? Swapped our 2 bed rental to buy a 4 bed house; on our new mortgage vs our rent we saved £500 a month and childcare was £15 p/d better off outside of London. These were quite significant savings for us and we’ve now got a life with many more ‘treats’.

Take care

It's depressing and affecting life across the board

In your case I'd move to somewhere like Darlo. You could easily get civil service jobs there and live very well.

Do you have to live in London? Your combined income isn't enough to have a comfortable life in London but it would go much further in other parts of the country.

Get out of London, it's completely unaffordable for most unless they are extremely well off, or have everything otherwise paid for.

Four people on less than two FT incomes in one of the most expensive cities in the world are bound to feel economically pinched. I guess the solution would be to move.

If you move out of London it is a one-way trip: you will never afford to move back in again.

You could just hang in there until the childcare bills years are done. It will be so much better when they no longer need day care, and then in years to come no longer need after school care either.

This.

Even if you work in London, I'm guessing there's a good chance in PS jobs that you can work hybrid (unless you're clinical/front line staff), and moving outside of London would likely mean you could buy for as much as you're paying in rent, without having to pay full commuting costs, and childcare costs likely to be cheaper outside of London too.

Look at places outside of the zones. Maybe Redhill?

We live in the midlands and probably have a similar ish income. 2 children at primary school. We have a detached house we are renovating and seem to manage ok. Would a move out of London be an option? Life in the Midlands might be easier financially for you.

If you're public sector could you move out of London?
We're in a relatively cheap part of the UK on 60k and it's so shit. I quit a £45k job though for a £30k one for less stress and I'm loads happier and trying to focus on that. Since we've had 2 kids it's down to the line every month.
Hoping it'll improve after we start getting nursery funding.

It's living in London or south east. Housing isn't affordable on most average incomes

It's a mix of living somewhere very expensive and the stage in life you are at. I'm a fair bit older than you and have never lived in London- we are up North and London property prices make my eyes water!
When our DS was at nursery and school we were very skint too- it is a real grind working your arse off and just covering bills- no holidays or treats/meals out- the years where you pay for childcare are awful.
It will get better though. Paid full time child care will be done before you know it- then its wrap around- then that is done and your child is old enough to look after themself for the secondary years.
I'm public sector too and thanks to WFH/being part time and grandparent help juggled secondary so someone was here up to him being 14ish - was self sufficient but here in case of an emergency.
DS is in his early 20's now- still lives at home and has a full time job - has autism but manages very well with support. We don't charge rent but he buys his own clothes/takes his turn paying for meals out and still comes on holiday with us and pays his share- a full 1/3 of the cost- you are properly in the trenches at this stage and it sucks - in my experience life gets easier- we are now a unit of 3 people on 3 full time incomes - when it was 3 on 1 fulltime and one part time it was hard.

We moved to a cheaper part of the country. No family nearby but we have similar income, no wealth or inheritance and have a mortgage on a 3bed. Made all the difference.

I think you know that without a significant increase in earnings moving out of london is only real option to see an improvement in quality of life. DH and I have same income as you (and 3 kids) and live very comfortably an hour and half outside London. ( no family help either) . We're not extravagant but have a nice life, run 2 cars, can afford days out, weekends away etc. I can understand not wanting to leave family or friends but somethings got to give.

@squeeeezedmiddle I live in (and was born & raised in) a beautiful town up north which is currently being populated by tonnes of families from London as despite being a lovely place, rent on a 2 bed house is about 900-1,000pcm so considerably less than in London. Same for nursery fees.
Get out of London!

I don’t think you’re wrong to feel like that & lots will be in the same circumstances. Unfortunately working doesn’t pay for many as wages are low and housing costs are so high. Family help makes a huge difference.

What are others doing in terms of future planning? We both contribute to our pensions but have very little to save beyond maintaining a bit of an emergency savings buffer for unexpected expenses. I’m awake nights thinking about it. Leaving London is not currently an option unfortunately.

We earn around 10k less than you.

Mortgage is £700
Childcare £30 (after school club one day a week)

We do second hand clothes/bargains for food etc . No takeaways but might do a couple of day trips a month. 1 holiday a year. We usually have around £500 left a month for savings

I'm sorry it's so hard. I'm not sure you count as the squeezed middle. You sound pretty low down the pile: renting, no holidays or treats, can't save for retirement.

Why is moving not an option? I live in Manchester and people with less income than you manage a much better lifestyle here.

Do you both apply for new jobs with better money? Why can't you move to a suburb and pay less rent? Can you ask to work from home more often to save on commutes?

We are lucky to be fairly central

That's your issue. It's not sustainable and has only been possible this long cos of your unusual landlord not putting rent up. Normal families of four can't afford to live centrally in London. You may not able to leave London but you may have to consider the outer zones like most civil servants and such. I'd be very worried about your DC getting into schools where you are and then having to move them when you can't rent there any more. Better to plan ahead and consider Sutton, Croydon, Essex or wherever is more viable longer term if you can't really move away.