To be tired of being squeezed?

[squeeeezedmiddle]

I’m knackered and letting off steam perhaps but here goes: is anyone else tired of being the squeezed middle? I don’t know how other people manage without help from their families or inherited wealth.

DH and I both work in public sector middle income jobs, we don’t get bonuses or profit shares or anything like that. Neither of us comes from wealth and we haven’t had any inheritance nor do we expect anything. We’ve worked and saved and it still feels like we’re just scraping by. We’ve two DCs (5 and 2) and live in a 2 bed rental in London. I’ve worked part time since the DCs were born as childcare is so expensive so my wage will go up somewhat in a couple of years when the youngest is in school but nothing to really change our lives.

With the summer holidays I feel so much pressure and they’re both growing so quickly I’m constantly buying replacement clothes and shoes. Everything for the DCs and myself is secondhand (including clothes, toys, bicycle, etc) and much of DH as well. We haven’t any hobbies, I don’t have a gym membership or go to the hairdressers etc. We don’t eat out much, no takeouts but Nando’s once a month (I get a discount through my work.) I don’t have any more corners to cut.

i know we are relatively privileged, we have two incomes and no debts. But I would love to be in a position where I wasn’t constantly thinking about how much is in our bank account and whether the few quid I spend on a small toy for the DCs is going to impact my retirement. Our outgoings are low but our wages are too.

im sure I’ll get slammed for this but I wonder if there are others feeling the same way. I’m not trying to take attention from those on benefits, I know plenty need more help than we do (and should get it) but it’s just bloody exhausting and im feeling a bit hopeless at the momemnt.

Well there you have it. Your circumstances are because of your choice to remain in London - and it is a choice, for whatever reason you are making it, and however good the reason is.

I find it's easier to accept a situation when you remind yourself you are choosing it. It reminds you that your life is in your own hands, brings the power back to you, and reminds you of why you are living the way you are. It also means you question your assumptions and priorities. When you are certain or your priorities and your reasons for staying, then you can be more understanding of why things cannot be different, rather than stressing over it.

Letting go of any notion of how things 'should' be will also help.

and lastly, in your shoes I'd forget about saving for retirement. I know people will disagree but you can always save more later, and your public sector pension will be ok anyway. You will also have a longer working life than people now in which to add to your savings.

Personally, I'd move out of London, and certainly out of central London. I'd also be questioning your assumption that nothing will change when you are full time. cos your income will change, surely?

Move further out OP. Surely it's crazy to be living in a cramped flat in the centre of London with two small children and not be able to afford anything to enhance your lives. Have you looked further out? In any direction really. You should be able to get more space and have spare cash to use.

You need to either lower your costs by moving or increasing your income significantly.
Anything else is just chitchat really.

it's hard but you are living in London and don't even work full time. I think yabu a tiny bit!

I think the reality is most people are living for the now, getting by pay day to pay day.

Your rent isn’t that high for London & of course if you’re fairly central travel costs will be lower. Are your pensions good? Things will be better when your dc are in school & childcare comes down/you can work more hours.

However I wouldn’t prioritise trying to buy a place because renting isn’t secure. Realistically can you do that in London?

Why can't you move? You'd get a much better quality of life by moving somewhere cheaper.

We couldn't afford to live in London (lower salaries than you) so moved out.

Your incomes would be huge here!!

This is MN where as an earner - you should move. You should be expected to move and keep paying those taxes. If you’re an UC claimant however, you have EVERY right to stay where you are. Why should you move from where your home/job is. It’s the fault of the greedy landlords. I can see this thread is delivering. YANBU. You are the definition of the squeezed middle. Shut up moaning, move and keep paying up will be your majority response here.

You’re in a tough place OP.

But lots of it is your choosing: living centrally in one of the most expensive cities in the world; two children; part-time.

You haven’t said what the reason is that you have to be in central London, I’m curious about what that is as really a move to somewhere else (even just a commutable distance) would likely free up some cash even with the commute. Nursery costs are cheaper, housing, and at least one of you might be able to get a more local job to save commute time and costs. Your wages aren’t so high that they’d suggest your jobs were London only jobs.

Once you are out of nursery years you’ll find it eases up, and you can earn more too. Add in a promotion for some extra cash and suddenly things aren’t so bad.

I hope it doesn’t sound harsh, I do sympathise, but there is a reason not many people on average wages have two kids and live in central London, it’s just too expensive.

Just to give a different perspective… I lived in London and had a public sector job. Got a new job up North to be with my now husband in 2006. I found because of limited transport links, things being more spaced out and less promotional opportunities (people just stay in their role so no movement upwards) that I was/am worse off than my friends who stayed in London who do the same job on the same banding as me. My DH and I are on a similar income up here with children of primary school age and are living pay day to pay day. Just think carefully about making a big move- the grass may not be greener.

Why don’t you move out of London? Even if you still worked there and commuted in then it would work out cheaper

If you can move out then you need to reframe-Your income is great and you are living in a great city with everything on your doorstep and you have no debt while raising chn. You will soon have more disposable income when chn at school.

Or can you transfer into the private sector?

I would consider moving further out OP because if you stay where you are you will end up without the security of owning your own place and with never being able to save or afford a decent life.

Seems a lot of sacrifices just to live in a cramped flat in the centre and pay somebody else's mortgage.

Zero % credit cards make my life work. For three figure expenses like new white goods, car service or house maintenance that has to be done. There is a future point when I will have the spare to pay it off and I have equity in a house but for now I bounce it around.

What's the attraction of living in London? If you moved out, why would you want to go back?

I think it's more sensible to live within your means than outside them.
It sounds like you're doing the best possible job you can to stay within them but your choice of location is your main problem which isn't an option four change at present.

Yep as everyone else is saying, you choose to live in central London, had 2 kids and work part time.

Yes this, when I think back to a few years ago, we could afford the odd meal out just because we fancied it, buy new clothes or shoes when needed, have a foreign holiday each year, take DS on days out. Now we’re on the same income but have to budget for every last little thing and all of the above has gone 😡.

I know you say people on benefits have it worse but the only one in my friendship group who can still do all of those things is the one on benefits 🤷‍♀️.

We earn around 10k less than you.

Mortgage is £700
Childcare £30 (after school club one day a week)

We do second hand clothes/bargains for food etc . No takeaways but might do a couple of day trips a month. 1 holiday a year. We usually have around £500 left a month for savings

How is that helpful - clearly the op has to pay more than £30 for childcare?

Obvious answer here- leave London. You're paying a premium to be there and renting is going to leave you so insecure for the future.

If leaving London isn't an option, you either need to either earn more or lower your lifestyle expectations.

@Anon4once to many people London is the town where they grew up where all their family are. The OP may have elderly parents that she needs to be close to. It also has the biggest diversity in terms of jobs. Yes there are public sector jobs everywhere but some specialisms are only in specific places, London being one of them.

I've lived in London my whole adult life and my kids were born here. It makes me incredibly sad that it's almost certain that they will have to move away to be able to afford to live independently once they are adults. We're in a pretty standard London suburb that is now stupidly expensive (it was cheap, relatively speaking, when we settled here) so is out of reach even to rent in for most people.

It is unusual for families with children on normal income to live centrally in London. Housing costs are just so expensive that no one can afford it.

So everyone on normal salaries moves out and commutes in.