To be tired of being squeezed?

[squeeeezedmiddle]

I’m knackered and letting off steam perhaps but here goes: is anyone else tired of being the squeezed middle? I don’t know how other people manage without help from their families or inherited wealth.

DH and I both work in public sector middle income jobs, we don’t get bonuses or profit shares or anything like that. Neither of us comes from wealth and we haven’t had any inheritance nor do we expect anything. We’ve worked and saved and it still feels like we’re just scraping by. We’ve two DCs (5 and 2) and live in a 2 bed rental in London. I’ve worked part time since the DCs were born as childcare is so expensive so my wage will go up somewhat in a couple of years when the youngest is in school but nothing to really change our lives.

With the summer holidays I feel so much pressure and they’re both growing so quickly I’m constantly buying replacement clothes and shoes. Everything for the DCs and myself is secondhand (including clothes, toys, bicycle, etc) and much of DH as well. We haven’t any hobbies, I don’t have a gym membership or go to the hairdressers etc. We don’t eat out much, no takeouts but Nando’s once a month (I get a discount through my work.) I don’t have any more corners to cut.

i know we are relatively privileged, we have two incomes and no debts. But I would love to be in a position where I wasn’t constantly thinking about how much is in our bank account and whether the few quid I spend on a small toy for the DCs is going to impact my retirement. Our outgoings are low but our wages are too.

im sure I’ll get slammed for this but I wonder if there are others feeling the same way. I’m not trying to take attention from those on benefits, I know plenty need more help than we do (and should get it) but it’s just bloody exhausting and im feeling a bit hopeless at the momemnt.

You don't need to leave London, depending on the specialism of the job might not be an option anyway.

But you could move out of being central

Two public sector workers - you'd be much better off outside London. The plus side is that it's ok pay if outside of the south east and you can do that presumably if neither of you need to be there. There is a lot of money competing for resources in London. Great news is you'll get a much better pension then the average private sector worker...based on average working salary rather than what you've chucked into a pension sipp or workplace pension account..so you'll be better off than your peers when you retire. Other option is for one of you to get a private sector job paying more of course.

All those telling op to move further out are naive.

Op will struggle to find anywhere much for less than the £1800 pm rent within an hour or so of London, then they would both have to pay commuting costs.

Op could move to a cheaper part of the country but this would rely on jobs being available. Often anything other than entry level pay is unavailable, lots stay their whole working life in the same job. So op might not be better off in many places.

@squeeeezedmiddle your description sounds exactly like me and my husband, only we're expecting our first and living I'm rented in a pricier Northern city. I feel your pain and I'm just so done with this after this week.

We have no family around so there'll be no help with childcare but also limited family time for iur little one. His parents live right out in the sticks of a cheaper Northern city, but if we moved there we'd have 2.5 and 3.5 hour commutes respectively, either that or no jobs at all (very deprived area).

My family are all scattered down South, about the housing is far beyond what we can afford and both our departments have moved office hubs out of these areas.

Most of our friends are scattered round the country, and in contrast, have benefited from inherited wealth. It's so sohard to not compare. One of my husband's best is also expecting first baby and he and his wife are about to move to an £800k house in a leafy Home Counties suburb.

My husband went abroad for a stag last year, I haven't been since our honeymoon in early 2019. And to top it off, the 25 year old boiler in our rented home was condemned this week. So no hot water for the foreseeable and landlord now likely to sell. We have a great deal on this place and are effectively now priced out of where we live.

Sorry for the rant OP, you're not alone. It's just so depressing.

A pension 30 odd years down the line is unlikely to be of much comfort to op right now. Public sector pensions anyway are not great for women who have worked part time and the goal posts are being moved further and further back.

We aren't London based, but similar position. I am very focused on getting through these next few years til she's at school and we have no more childcare fees. There may be after-school club one day a week (basing this on our current work situation) and maybe the odd week of holiday club but nothing like it is now.

And I spend a lot of my "scrolling" time finding free, interesting things to do.

I can see the light. It's coming. But it is exhausting.

Consider getting out of London. Even if one of you has to give up a middle income job for something minimum wage but flexi (eg supermarket twilights/nights) you will end up with a better standard of living if you move right out, especially if you've no family, hobbies etc to tie you there. Problem with London is you aren't ever as well paid as you think you are.

Are both your roles dependent on London commute?

I sympathise @squeeeezedmiddle we're the same. We'll be moving out of London soon with our kids but because of the lack of suitable jobs elsewhere in the country (and the lining up of jobs and housing, it's really not as easy as people say to move across the country!), we're having to stay commuting distance to current jobs. This means we're still in an incredibly expensive park of the country but with added train expenses. It's hard! We live a similar lifestyle to you, no holidays, no trips for the kids - this summer holidays we're visiting my parents for a couple of weeks and that really is the extent of our plans. No takeaways or new things, one old car etc. We can just about pay the bills and this won't get much easier once we move. I really do empathise, and people saying to just move out of London, have they had to uproot their lives, find new jobs and start again in a new place? It's easy to say, not so easy to do.

A pension should always be a comfort. I know quite a few retired public sector workers having the time of their lives on their healthy average salary pensions.

Those times are gone. Op won’t have that opportunity.

It's very hard especially in London with young dc. We planned our age gap so eldest was almost in school when dc2 was born, which helped. But it's not true that everyone gets family help or inheritance - DH earns well in tech and we know plenty of families working in the city, media or law whose income is entirely from their earnings. Remember that you will get excellent pensions with public sector jobs so although you won't see the money now, you will be far more comfortable in retirement. It will get better once the youngest is in school and you can increase your hours.

We bought a flat in 2019 on 75k combined, no kids but lived with london family for 3 years.

there are a lot of DINKs in London and they have children later too (or are from ethnic minorities where it is common for parents to help with childcare/live with parents until marriage). I knew people on our kind of income who were comfortable with 1-2 kids (though this was a few years ago so they probably have bigger salaries as in the private sector.); owned a 2 bed house in zone 5 (which they bought in their mid 20s like us), parents provided free childcare.

The key word here is should.

There are reasons that a pension is no longer the comfort it once was to some people. Cost of living, reduction in pension pots, living longer and no increases to contributions.

Public sector pensions are also no longer what they once were. Have a look at the WASPI women....

Probably get flamed for this, but I find it very interesting that threads like this always result in telling the OP to move out of London to somewhere more affordable. Yet if it's ever suggested that council tenants are rehoused somewhere further afield, there's absolute uproar.

Soon London will only be for the millionaires and those in receipt of state benefits. Sad, sad state of affairs. We talk about social cleansing, but the middle don't count apparently.

It's tough OP, as two professionals, you should absolutely be living a more comfortable lifestyle. It makes you wonder what the point of it all is.

Yanbu...it's absolutely ridiculous that in the UK in 2024, a family with two working parents can't even afford the odd meal out or to go to the hairdressers. Our lifestyles are getting worse and worse. I blame housing costs

Yes and some parts of London are already like this. Very wealthy people or those living in council housing and/or on benefits...the middle has disappeared, mainly to Kent and Essex!

Yanbu. Taxes are too high - how much income tax, NI and council tax are you paying? They need to reduce these, so we can afford to live. Almost all mortgages and rents have increased.

@BillyNoMates9 reducing tax means even less to spend on public services, so you're happy with schools, defence, hospitals, infrastructure and prisons getting even worse that they are already?

I like in London and feel similarly even though I have a house in outer London.

Im going to move when the kids have left home but we’re a bit tied due to their dad, my ex husband, being here (and not willing to leave) and needing to remain in the area for that and for schools.

Yes, we are leaving London along with everyone else unfortunately. But I can’t wait to have a home of my own. Public sector wages vs London house prices - it just doesn’t add up anymore and we’ve tried everything to stay. Now I’m ready to leave and excited about a diff lifestyle.

and those with family help.

the cost of childcare is high everywhere; if you manage to buy somewhere small in London pre kids and then have kids which your retired mum can help you with, you will save a lot of money even if you bought a 250k house somewhere with no family support.

I moved to and stayed in London cos it was the cheapest for me as we have london family, family didn't charge me rent when I first moved there so there was literally nowhere in the UK which would be cheaper than that. And then when we were buying, she said if we lost our jobs we could move back home and rent out our London flat while searching for jobs in London. That seemed a lot safer than moving somewhere new with no support.

So you rent in central London, with a family of four and you only work part time but are moaning about costs?
There are many things you could do to spend less or earn more.
Even with rent of £1800 you should have more than enough spare every month to not feel like every single penny is a struggle. Including child benefit that take home income with one FT and one PT is in the region of £5.2k which leaves plenty left over considering you say you’ve no or low childcare costs.

More people need to pull their finger out and stop being state dependent. Not enough people here pay tax. Those that do pay some of the highest rates in the world. We have a huge state dependency issue.

@whistleblower99 you'll have to clarify what you mean by 'state dependent'. I'm assuming you're slating benefit recipients?

We are all 'state dependent' in one way or another.

Parttime work. 2 kids.
You are lucky to be in London!