To be tired of being squeezed?

[squeeeezedmiddle]

I’m knackered and letting off steam perhaps but here goes: is anyone else tired of being the squeezed middle? I don’t know how other people manage without help from their families or inherited wealth.

DH and I both work in public sector middle income jobs, we don’t get bonuses or profit shares or anything like that. Neither of us comes from wealth and we haven’t had any inheritance nor do we expect anything. We’ve worked and saved and it still feels like we’re just scraping by. We’ve two DCs (5 and 2) and live in a 2 bed rental in London. I’ve worked part time since the DCs were born as childcare is so expensive so my wage will go up somewhat in a couple of years when the youngest is in school but nothing to really change our lives.

With the summer holidays I feel so much pressure and they’re both growing so quickly I’m constantly buying replacement clothes and shoes. Everything for the DCs and myself is secondhand (including clothes, toys, bicycle, etc) and much of DH as well. We haven’t any hobbies, I don’t have a gym membership or go to the hairdressers etc. We don’t eat out much, no takeouts but Nando’s once a month (I get a discount through my work.) I don’t have any more corners to cut.

i know we are relatively privileged, we have two incomes and no debts. But I would love to be in a position where I wasn’t constantly thinking about how much is in our bank account and whether the few quid I spend on a small toy for the DCs is going to impact my retirement. Our outgoings are low but our wages are too.

im sure I’ll get slammed for this but I wonder if there are others feeling the same way. I’m not trying to take attention from those on benefits, I know plenty need more help than we do (and should get it) but it’s just bloody exhausting and im feeling a bit hopeless at the momemnt.

Some lucky people out there!

When we were starting out, it felt that way. I am public sector, DH was private sector through the recession when his job was under threat and he never got bonuses in general, he went public a couple of years ago. We had dd in Crêche near work in the city centre and pretty much all my salary went on that for a few years. We scrimped and saved every penny to get a mortgage and did a lot of the necessary fixing up ourselves over a good few years. Painting, tiling, sewing curtains, carpentry etc. And we've always been frugal with our money - once we had spare, most went into overpaying mortgage or savings - apart from DH's very first car, all our cars have been bought with cash not loans and we didn't take other loans for holidays etc - just did self catering in this country and then SC abroad when we had money.

We are still frugal. We only got Sky tv during Covid, using free sat channels before then. I still repair clothes before replacing them. We still cook from scratch at home a lot. We use up everything in the fridge rather than throwing out leftovers etc. I still use public transport to work while DH still cycles. We grow veg in the garden.

But we were able to send DD to a school that suited her needs. We have done a nice job on the house. When our bbq stopped working, we had the money to get a good gas one that we use a lot. We have managed on 1 car a fair amount but have 2 cars now (between 3 drivers). Dd enjoys a sport that needs specialist equipment but we are able to get it for her (we buy most of it in the annual "seconds" sale of the producer on the other side of the world).

We enjoy quieter hobbies and tend to work hard rather than wanting lots of boozy nights out. But it has felt a lot less pinched since dd turned about 11, the recession ended and DH's job became more secure again, and I got a promotion/payrise. When we had some wiggle room in the budget, could get an occasional takeaway or convenience meal, get a cleaner for a period when work/life balance was ridiculously bad (back to DIYing it again), that sort of thing. And probably he biggest factor was having a cushion in a savings account so when the washing machine stopped working, we could research it that week and replace it that weekend without a panic or a loan.

It is tough, but it should get better. And smallies get bigger and can start to help instead of always being a drain on your time and money.

@BiddyPop thank you for sharing your experience, we too are quite frugal and able to save small amounts (very small!) each month but I’m really counting every penny. Do you mind sharing when (what year) you were starting out? I reckon if we had these incomes (or similar adjusted for inflation) twenty or even ten years ago we’d have a bit more breathing room. But currently, a tiny 2 bed in our area, say 60 m2, in need of full refurbishments, is going for upwards of £600k, it’s just eye watering. I do understand that if we left London it’d be less expensive but DH has fixed appointments so we’re tied to London for the next couple of years at least.

@Opalfleur2026 thank you for sharing, it seems you can’t buy in London on middle income without significant family support, great luck, or a time machine!

Savings? What are they? We have struggled for years and years OP.

New clothes for kids? I used eBay.
For toys? ebay and chairity shops.
We often had no heating. DC are used to it so they don’t really feel the cold. I’d vacuum to keep warm.

Our kids are now starting university and we’ve got the accommodation to pay for.

Now though, in our 50s, we have become better off in the last 6 months than we have ever been, even before kids. The kids aren’t so expensive as clothes and shoes last because they are adults and have stopped growing. They don’t want toys and can pay for their own phones as they have jobs.

We have never worked in London but if we did it’s 1hr by train or car. Housing is much cheaper and the commute isn’t particularly expensive.

There are options out there OP.

Get out of London- why pay rent with your income - you can have your own detached house with garden elsewhere in the country

The main that would worry me is that it would only take your landlord to decide to put your rent up as they no doubt will if you have had a rent increase in years and you’re in real trouble.
Shouldn’t you and your dh be making contingency plans for when this happens?
sorry you’re in this situation, it’s just rubbish 🥹

Yes so sick of it, you’re not alone. Worked hard coming from a deprived background to get through Uni, postgrad, coveted grad scheme and career. Saved money for a house deposit and had a child. Now between no pay rise for years, massive mortgage payment, childcare bills, student loan payments I have less spare money year on year. Driving a 15 year old car, can’t afford a holiday. The only 30yo’s I know who are doing okay have had money gifted to them from parents.

@MumApril1990 thank you. I am also from a deprived background, i am sure it sounds petty but I do sometimes feel jealous of others who have a windfall from family and have security that way, people who can have their family buy a new car or gift the down payment for a home. When my mum was alive our gifts were in the £20-30 range. I appreciated everything because we didn’t have much, but it’s hard for me to comprehend what it’s like to be gifted a down payment (or an entire home?!?). And I feel a bit rubbish I won’t be able to do that for my own children, despite having gone through uni and a postgrad course.

im sorry you’re in this invisible squeezed place too, it’s absolutely suffocating.

Yes we have been in your situation. We solved it by moving out and my hours went up at work (not to FT though as I have MS)

I also did hours and hours of CPD for a 22% pay rise!

If you want it - go get it! Nothing changes if nothing changes!!

That’s what we did! We don’t earn much different than we did in London actually but housing is much cheaper.

I also came from a deprived background OP and it was shit. I still have anxiety when the cupboards run low - because we often ran out of food as a child.

Our lives aren’t flash but I am happy and proud of the life I’ve achieved. Our house is still tiny though 😭😂

I bought a flat around that size for 392k in 2019 (freehold also owned by resident, 1930s and 2 bed). It's still around the 400k mark. We are in zone 3. Average first time buyer spends 450k in london, 600k isn't necessary.

In zone 3- I found this property on the Rightmove Android app and wanted you to see it: https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/150093587
This development has right to manage-
https://find-and-update.company-information.service.gov.uk/company/04987124

I found this property on the Rightmove Android app and wanted you to see it: https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/149092238 - 3 bed flat in zone 5 if you need something bigger for your kids , near outstanding schools. Also residents managed - https://find-and-update.company-information.service.gov.uk/company/00944945

Tbh my flat was only spruced up for refurbishment and it isn't in great nick, we just live in it. Many people buy run down properties and do it up slowly.

Yes technically my DH was from a deprived background too but his mum allowed us to stay with her even though there were 6 people in a 3 bed terraced. She has never earned more than 18k but bought her house in london when it was 100k though she did have some help from her dad (it was achievable even for people of modest means in those days, just my MIL had 4 children and a non working husband). Dh also on free school meals and EMA when he was younger.

I was waiting for my visa to be issued by the home office (eu visa) and so was in limbo for 8 months (though was allowed to work) so she let us stay. Once I got my visa and we were both settled in long term jobs, 2 years had passed(since we moved in) and we had 50k in savings so could consider buying. We started looking in commuter towns but then prices in london dropped for flats so we bought in zone 3 and it took a year for us to find a place (so we had saved a lot more by then). We were lucky in the sense that we married at 22/24 so we're dual income from the start and due to young age, didn't have kids and all the savings could go straight to deposit. Plus when you are 23, many people were still living with family at that age.

OP sorry but you have to move out of London. I moved out, rented somewhere much much cheaper (market town near Oxford) then spent 3 years saving for a house, bought a house.

London is excruciatingly expensive. I was a lone parent on about the same as you two net, there is no way I managed to save anything to get out of rental.

OP do you have to live centrally? I adore central London and wish I could live there, but we moved to the zone 2/3 border after having kids. You haven’t said why this kind of a move isn’t possible for your family?

Can you leave London and your DH travel in when necessary for those appointments?

You can live quite far out and still commute in every day or week

I know how you feel.

It does all feel like a slog at the moment. I'm a single mum, 61, work full time, my ds is 16. The same - no eating out, no spare cash, no alcohol, no luxuries. (A regular haircut is my one personal spend). I cook from scratch, make food go a long way without DS noticing. We do have a house - I left London in my 20s.

I'm selling his old school uniform this week. Will use the money to buy 6th form clothes.

Another two years and he'll head off to university. My mortgage will be paid off about the same time. I keep telling myself, just 24 more months..... 🙂

Can you leave London? It's too expensive for anyone except those in social housing, foreign students and tourists.

Yes but what you save in housing costs is often eaten up by rail fares

I know people in Essex who are paying over £500/600 a month on train fares

Here's the thing;
the poor (or bottom) have been squeezed to the point of over 50,000 excess deaths per year.

So yes, you are being squeezed, but this is a result of society being squeezed from the bottom.

Note that Starmer's Labour are giving the rich more tax breaks at our expense.

Bet Corbyn doesn't look so bad now, eh?