To be tired of being squeezed?

[squeeeezedmiddle]

I’m knackered and letting off steam perhaps but here goes: is anyone else tired of being the squeezed middle? I don’t know how other people manage without help from their families or inherited wealth.

DH and I both work in public sector middle income jobs, we don’t get bonuses or profit shares or anything like that. Neither of us comes from wealth and we haven’t had any inheritance nor do we expect anything. We’ve worked and saved and it still feels like we’re just scraping by. We’ve two DCs (5 and 2) and live in a 2 bed rental in London. I’ve worked part time since the DCs were born as childcare is so expensive so my wage will go up somewhat in a couple of years when the youngest is in school but nothing to really change our lives.

With the summer holidays I feel so much pressure and they’re both growing so quickly I’m constantly buying replacement clothes and shoes. Everything for the DCs and myself is secondhand (including clothes, toys, bicycle, etc) and much of DH as well. We haven’t any hobbies, I don’t have a gym membership or go to the hairdressers etc. We don’t eat out much, no takeouts but Nando’s once a month (I get a discount through my work.) I don’t have any more corners to cut.

i know we are relatively privileged, we have two incomes and no debts. But I would love to be in a position where I wasn’t constantly thinking about how much is in our bank account and whether the few quid I spend on a small toy for the DCs is going to impact my retirement. Our outgoings are low but our wages are too.

im sure I’ll get slammed for this but I wonder if there are others feeling the same way. I’m not trying to take attention from those on benefits, I know plenty need more help than we do (and should get it) but it’s just bloody exhausting and im feeling a bit hopeless at the momemnt.

We are not even in the top 10 countries for tax rates

And those countries with lower state tax you pay more in other ways - education , health private for example tends to cost a lot more

I think people forget there are jobs that are tied to London, working on the tube for instance and yes you can move out and commute in but London commuter belt especially for extreme shifts such as the tube or healthcare is often difficult (trains that get in by 6 on a Sunday morning?)

We’ve left London with those type of jobs but with a commute, the cost of the season ticket and hotels for those extreme weekend shifts we’re better off in neither money nor time, really only better off in living space. I get a coach at 3am to get to work on time and I get home at 2300. I can’t say my quality of life has improved.

Unless you’ve got an endless pit of money, it’s entirely normal to be worrying about money. Plus the fact you’re working part time hours with young children - assuming you looked at the cost of having children prior to having them and ignored the fact that it’d drastically reduce your income for you to be here moaning about how expensive kids are now.

I am.

I am really fed up with it.

The kids are the worst. They see me, pick me up, squeeze me, they can't even play a tune. And I can't back in the box by myself, so I end up rolling about on the floor with the occasional squeak when someone kicks me when passing by.

I could cry. 😭

Yes still have average salary. Private sector workers won't have anything linked to salary.

Not leaving London unfortunately means you are going to be static with this situation. Really think about why you can't move. Kids are young, they'll adjust better now than at any other point. At some point your rent will go up. Civil service salaries will never shoot up.

I understand wanting to care for elderly relatives (if that's what it is) but honestly, people have kids because they want them to be happy and live their lives. I wouldn't want my daughter slogging her guts out to look after me.

Otherwise your options are largely promotion, job change or picking up extra hours at an evening or weekend job so the other is at home.for childcare.

It must be awful to be London born and bred going back generations to find yourself priced out of the City you know and love . It's the same thought for parts of Cornwall and Devon . Families who have been there for centuries priced out .

I hope you enjoy it. I love visiting London but love living in my small town, everyone says hello, there's always a fete or village hall thing so you see the same faces and make friends. We're lucky to be within an hour of beaches, moors and cities, close to good transport links. I really hope you enjoy your new life :)

There is a site where you can see how much money in the past was worth now. Thus has shown me how eroded wages are. Basically my wage in 2004( 39k) would now be worth £76k. But that job in 2024 now pays about £56-58k. So basically someone is 20k worse off! This is the true cause of the col crisis - not just inflation, but wage erosion. I watched a documentary a while back about the 70s and although inflation was very high, wage increases were 20- 30%.

YANBU I'm in my mid-40's, earn a decent income, have a relatively low mortgage (but in an expensive city which means I'm stuck in a 2 bed flat) and I was thinking the other day how I don't feel like I'm any better off than when I started work over 20 years ago!

Actually she says she works PT because of childcare costs. I would take from that statement that there is still some childcare costs, which are not cheap, even if lowered because they aren't FT costs.

I don't live in London but I do love in a very expensive non SE area, and our childcare is reasonable in cost, comparatively, for the area we're in. For three days a week it's £800 a month.

If we were renting and the cost of that was the same as OP, that's £2,600 on rent and childcare alone. Then you have to add on Council Tax, gas/elec, water, all insurances, car running costs (minus fuel), commuting costs, TV licence (unless we're also counting Freeview as a luxury now...). So, let's be conservative and say that's another 700 per month there, so £3,300 now has gone out already and no one has eaten yet.

Food, let's say a really strict budget for a family of 4, £150 a week including basic toiletries and cleaning things (which is difficult with the cost of living these days). £3,900 gone out now (4 week month). Petrol for days out, general running around, probably around £60 per week as OP said it's an older car between them, so not massively economical. That's another £240. So now we're just shy of £4,150 going out each month. Just over 1k left on your estimates

Kids cost money. They go through shoes and clothes like no one's business. Smaller ones there's nappies to think about. Bum cream. Bubble bath. Calpol. Activities, even free ones, cost something. Colouring in, drawing, painting etc there's materials to factor in. Bubbles, another couple of quid. Ingredients for baking, even cheap ones, another couple.

Then non standard stuff. Birthdays, both immediate and extended family. Collections for people at work. Rainy day savings. Prescriptions/medicines if you're unwell. An appliance breaks down. Car needs servicing.

Yes it's more money than minimum wage. Yes, those of us on it should feel luckier than those on less. But it doesn't go as far as you think it does.

Thanks, I agree! As the largest city in this country there just are more jobs here, it's a fact. And if you lose your job you are far more likely to get another one. That one of our main reasons for staying within commuting distance of London, despite the costs. There's a very real possibility one of us will lose our jobs at some point, and we'd be stuffed if that happened in an area where there are no other jobs. In London we could get another one relatively easily. People are quick to judge but don't think about why people have to / prefer to stay near London.

All gone. Op probably won’t be able to access her pension until 67 (min and rising at whims of government). The baby boomers are the last beneficiaries of early pensions. If Op and peers are relatively poor then they statistically might not even live to claim their poxy pensions.

https://www.walthamstowtoylibrary.org/

Have you tried some like this ?

You’re being ridiculous. If there’s 1k left after bills, food, running a car etc (plus let’s face it £60 in petrol weekly in central London is ridiculous)

You’re really not backing OPs point that there is no money if you’re trying to claim kids clothes, baking, and bubbles significantly eats into the £1k a month.

I'm saying that after everything that is considered "basic" to survive, there's not a massive proportion of their salary left. And I was very conservative with the utility bills, mine are higher than the estimates there, some of my family live a few counties further north than me and I based them on theirs. I based nursery costs on my own and London will be higher.

I missed internet and phone bills. I didn't include anything in there like streaming services for TV or music, swimming lessons for the kids, dance/gymnastics/football/martial arts/whatever hobby the kids might pick up or enjoy. Gym / exercise classes for the adults. The odd takeaway. General stuff for the house (different when you rent but ours is still quite dated from when we bought it and so there's that to consider, we had to replace the roof and so the repayments on that eats in significantly). Any pets, which many people had before the cost of living shot up as much as it did, but adds onto their monthly outgoings. Payment into private pensions. Investments/planning for the future.

My point was you can say "oh 5k coming in is LOADS, stop moaning". But it doesn't stretch as far as it did even 5 years ago.

I noticed you conveniently ignored the fact I said that those of us in this situation are indeed luckier than people who have lower incomes. But it doesn't mean that we don't have to think about whether we can afford to spend that £20 on something for the kids, or whether it would be better off being saved. It doesn't stop the worry about the costs of everything going up.

I had my first child, while living in London in 1995. I decided to take a couple of years off after she was born. DH and I are teachers and on just his salary alone we were able to buy a large 4 bed semi in South London. When I went back to work my childcare- full time term-time was £65 per week. That house cost us 90k and now worth 900k. I’m 57 and am very grateful that living and having children in London was affordable at that point. We could afford holidays, a cleaner and all three kids went to the independent school I taught at. It’s clearly impossible now.

Exactly. The main issue is the fact that wages have barely risen and house prices have rocketed.

About 15 years ago I bought a house for £190k....I no longer own it but I saw it recently sold for £600k....so it's tripled in value. Wages haven't tripled in that time frame have they? Twenty years ago when I started job hunting an average admin job in London paid £25k. A quick look online and you'll find many admin jobs still paying about £25k. It's an absolute joke.

OP some of the responses you're getting here are just so out of touch.

I don't think people realise the reality of simply 'moving out of London'.

Finding two suitable jobs with similar locations (assuming these even exist), to start at the same time, plus suitable, affordable housing close to suitable and available childcare that again os all available at the same time... and that's without considerations such as proximity to family and friends. For the squeezed middle, living close enough to family and friends to see them more than 3 times a year seems to be consider a luxury by some people. A luxury that yes, inexplicably those in receipt of a full suite of benefits would never be asked to sacrifice. Hard-working families desperately need support if they're going to continue to work.

It depends where you are though. If you're very central - ie zone 1- then that's not necessary surely. You could get the same sized flat a lot cheaper somewhere like Southfields - as an example. No change of job required and cash straight back in your pocket.

its not just the UK though.

my BIL in michigan used to be a teacher (like his mum who now owns a large 5 bed house all paid off) and is now a real estate agent. He, his wife and 2 year old all live with his mum. He just celebrated his 35th birthday. He has just moved back to the USA but still they can't afford to rent anywhere and need to live with Mum to save up. His wife needs to work.

Michigan is the most affordable state in the USA in terms of housing, it is much cheaper than the UK but its still like that for a professional couple.

This. Having young children has always been expensive so you should expect that your disposable income will be limited during these early years. However, you've made it harder for yourself by living in London.

But people have made a deliberate choice to go into a career that constrains them in terms of movement, and that has obvious consequences.

I'm sure that many people would like to access the career opportunities available in London, but they don't because they can't afford to live there. Everybody cannot live in London. Business need to branch out to other regions.

It's partly the government's fault because they need to invest more in other regions. Ridiculous that HS2 was scrapped for example.7

I don't think it's fair to blame parents for living where a large chunk of work in the UK is based.

The saturation of businesses being based in one tiny circle of the country is not the fault of the employees.

OP may I ask how part time?
Is it days per week or hours per day?
Is there any opportunity to top up your part time work, and not affect your child care ?