To be tired of being squeezed?

[squeeeezedmiddle]

I’m knackered and letting off steam perhaps but here goes: is anyone else tired of being the squeezed middle? I don’t know how other people manage without help from their families or inherited wealth.

DH and I both work in public sector middle income jobs, we don’t get bonuses or profit shares or anything like that. Neither of us comes from wealth and we haven’t had any inheritance nor do we expect anything. We’ve worked and saved and it still feels like we’re just scraping by. We’ve two DCs (5 and 2) and live in a 2 bed rental in London. I’ve worked part time since the DCs were born as childcare is so expensive so my wage will go up somewhat in a couple of years when the youngest is in school but nothing to really change our lives.

With the summer holidays I feel so much pressure and they’re both growing so quickly I’m constantly buying replacement clothes and shoes. Everything for the DCs and myself is secondhand (including clothes, toys, bicycle, etc) and much of DH as well. We haven’t any hobbies, I don’t have a gym membership or go to the hairdressers etc. We don’t eat out much, no takeouts but Nando’s once a month (I get a discount through my work.) I don’t have any more corners to cut.

i know we are relatively privileged, we have two incomes and no debts. But I would love to be in a position where I wasn’t constantly thinking about how much is in our bank account and whether the few quid I spend on a small toy for the DCs is going to impact my retirement. Our outgoings are low but our wages are too.

im sure I’ll get slammed for this but I wonder if there are others feeling the same way. I’m not trying to take attention from those on benefits, I know plenty need more help than we do (and should get it) but it’s just bloody exhausting and im feeling a bit hopeless at the momemnt.

Midlands to Manchester was scrapped.

Those between Midlands and London are still very much living with the disruption of it being built for very little benefit.

People go on about all the culture and everything London has to offer but if you're scrimping that much I don't imagine you're actually enjoying or able to take advantage of those things. As a foreigner, London strikes me as a very nice place if you have plenty of money but really grim if you don't.

This has always been how normal life is though, The difference is that now you compare your life with others because of social media. Life was actually much harder in the past for average families.
in the case of the OP though, you are incredibly lucky to be paying 1800 a month and had no increase for 9 years! Thst is the most concerning issue, If your landlord sells (and lots are now because of the new government’s hatred of landlords) you won’t find anywhere central for that!

Hang in there and stay on the lookout for ways to make things better - higher paying jobs, an opportunity to move, a side hustle whatever.

You're still in the survival years of child rearing - as they get older it definitely gets easier to think clearly about other steps you can take to improve your situation. My kids are 11 and 13 and my living setup is nothing at all like it was when my kids were 4 and 2 - it's amazing the difference a few years can make if you're open to opportunities.

You're doing fine for now, so don't be too hard on yourself.

You both have CVs full of public sector experience.

You need to get out of London and look for new jobs where house prices and the general cost of living is reasonable. Try a market town in Midlands or S Wales or north of England.

Living in London is a drain on your lives in every possible way. Get out from there. Start making plans/looking for jobs/researching housing costs and schools.

Your current situation is unsustainable if you all want some decent quality of life.

London strikes me as a very nice place if you have plenty of money but really grim if you don't. - summed up by a previous poster. Time to start looking a bit further afield, where life and costs are more within the bounds of sanity.

Very few families who are not rich can afford to live in Central London. We have an income that is way way less than you and yet have a better lifestyle.

Agree, you just can't afford to be cental in London.

You live in one of the most expensive cities in Europe. You know what the answer is.

If the op lives fairly centrally and her rent is £1800, that's not bad. I just had a look at two bed flats in zone 6 down the road from me and they are going for £2k plus

A plan needs to be made as that rent is going to be increased at some stage, or the landlord may decide to sell.

The problem is not your income. The problem is that you are living in central London and that you had children before buying a house. These things are both choices but we all make choices and have to live with the side effects of the choices we make.

Our household income is similar. Our mortgage is £537/month on a 3 bed with a garage and garden. We choose to live here - “here” is a small town in Essex with a lot less going on but also where DH grew up so his parents and school friends are here. We chose this for the affordability and support network. The side effects are fewer employment opportunities and less to do.

I work in local govt, my husband at the local university.

Presumably living in London will at some point become a privilege of the rich (with pockets of those who can live with support from the state eg social housing ) This is in no way meant as a slur !
No inbetween I mean !
Move out of London - look at where can be accessed on fast trains (where I live it is 50 mins )

Not a nice area IMO and I’m desperate to leave , but commuter towns do exist and many are nice !
All the best x

I understand absolutely what you are saying.
We first set ip house many years ago. It was very tight but we both worked, & carefully calculated we could afford the mortgage, & the bills. So we got a small, old 2 bed terraced, with a tiny backyard. We had no washing machine, ( used the bath) no vacuum cleaner, ( dustpan & brush) no TV. No wardrobes. ( cardboard boxes.) Lots of other things people take for granted, ( new clothes, holidays, more than 1 pair of shoes, heating) we didn’t have. But we could save a little and gradually improved our lot. Then interest rates started rising, ( we paid upto 17%) and inflation at stupid %.
We too had no more corners to cut , no credit cards to fall back on.
So what is happening now is nothing new. It was soul destroying then; for anyone going through it now, it's so hard. It was years & years before we could sleep easily without worrying about bills.

When I think back I've just been quietly downgrading my lifestyle for several years now.

Same! But I don't want to leave London, where we have lots of really solid friends, to take a chance on a more affordable area. If we were renting I don't think staying would be an option though.

Unkind and unnecessary

It IS different now. The young people, in many areas, can’t afford to buy that 2 bed terrace with a tiny backyard or anything near it. At all. So they are stuck in rent traps with ever rising bills and no disposable income (like the op) or at home with their parents and buying the lattes and cars but no asset.

Exactly...in some areas of London, a two bed terrace with a tiny backyard is for the well off!

Sharing another perspective. Especially as you say moving isn't feasible at the moment.

If you moved out, you would probably get a bigger place, but I wonder if you would save much money after commute cost? For example, I live in Cambridgeshire (not Cambridge itself) and I used to live in a standard 3 bed terrace with tiny back garden. This has just been listed for £1500 per month. I don't think the location I live is particularly expensive. People have suggested you move within a commutable distance to your job, but I wonder whether that would really "save" money.

The other thing that happens with many landlords these days is yearly rent increases to keep things in line with the market rate. For example, when I moved into that 3 bed 5 years ago I paid £900 a month. One of the reasons I moved was because he kept increasing the rent every year.

Moving won't necessarily solve all your issues - unless you do move somewhere with massively cheaper rent. Or you decide to find another tiny flat. Or you change your job location too so you don't need to commute (which could mean a pay cut).

Things are genuinely shit for a lot of people moneywise. Do you think you or your partner could change jobs to the private sector and get a boost in pay that way? The civil service is massively underpaid and you would probably get a huge salary bump in a similar role elsewhere.

Tiny two-bed terrace with a backyard £800k-£1m here.

Even more if the attic has been converted into an extra bedroom.

Telling OP to just "move out of London" is an interesting one. Who takes her place when she sells up? Where are all these people with the means to live in London and where does their money come from? Despite what MÑ would have you believe, the amount of workers on £100k+ is a tiny percentage.

It's very sad when people who have grown up in London for the sole reason it's become so unaffordable. And galling to see people being housed in nice new apartments for free when OP would have 0% chance of getting one if she put herself on the housing list. But there you go.

But none of that means it isn't often the best thing for individuals to leave a city that's becoming too hard for them to live in. I understand the argument that this is a bad thing for London as a whole, and agree, but she certainly shouldn't be wasting any time wondering who'll take her place when she goes.

Also, worth pointing out that there are millions of people living in London who are not exposed to the full horror of the current private rental market. If you're in social housing or you own a home and got on the ladder a long time ago, or you live with someone who falls into one of these categories, you're operating on a very different playing field to the OP. Sure, most people in London earn much less than 100k household, but a lot of those people would be unable to stay there without at least one of longstanding home ownership, social housing or substantial UC topup.

Neither dh or I earn 100k. We earn more than that combined though. Most of our friends don't earn 100k either.

One married someone born in 1968 who had his own flat, they moved to a 4 bed house in zone 4 pre baby, she is a civil servant.

One's parents bought him a 400k house which used to be a buy to let but he lives in it and pays his parents £300 per month to live in it. It's in his name

One bought a house with her partner in zone 6 and bought her partner out when they split.

Dh and I lived with family for 3 years before buying a tiny 2 bed flat in our 20s on 75k combined. We saved 20k per year living with family and a lot of that time was in between jobs.

Another friend is a GP but he bought as a junior doctor with some inheritance.

Another friend is a gardener but his parents downsized and gave him money to buy his house cash free

Another friend's dad did the same, gave her cash to buy flat above shop in suburban london, she sold it and got tiny mortgage on house in London.

There are so many wonderful places in the UK where you can live without this appalling financial burden. Being this stressed is no way to live family life - your children basically become burdened with this stress by default throughout their childhood.

I brought my family up in Herefordshire, and still live here. House pries are sensible, the job market is no worse than anywhere else, nor are schools. Culturally it is within spitting distance of Birmingham, Cardiff, Bristol, and it has its own cultural life too - Three Choirs Festival, excellent arts/theatre centre, and Malvern theatres are close by - and they are on the circuit for London productions.

In addition there is less crime. And there is the countryside if that is your thing - lots of it!!

What I have described is replicated in lots of towns/cities around the UK. Why live your best years under this appalling stress? - to what purpose?

Hi OP, I'm sure your situation reflects that of many others. I have never been able to save as I was a single parent working FT with just my salary. I've lived most of my life on an overdraft. Purchases for big items (washing machines etc) were on interest free credit. Bank loans for a car etc. I have always paid into a work pension scheme which has paid off now. Mortgage and overdraft cleared at the same time, 4 years ago. So please try not to lose sleep over your situation. You will be OK