C Section is 'not a real birth'

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Please read the post before commenting.

Birth of my daughter was a traumatic emergency C Section, after six days of an induction.

I'm about to have a baby and because of GDM am being pressured into a planned C Section or induction.

I hate hate hate the idea of going through all that again. I hate the idea of recovering from another C Section now with a toddler and a newborn and not much paternity leave for my husband.

To make matters worse I have convinced myself that if I don't push a baby out I am missing out on something about womanhood.

Has anyone experienced the same thoughts? If so how did you rationalise them?

I had a planned c section: it was a lovely calm experience and I recovered very quickly.

a c section after a stressful time in labour is a completely different ball game: you are already injured and exhausted before the c section.

in no way do I think I didn’t have a proper birth or that im not a proper mum: that’s just nonsense that women are giving themselves a hard fucking time about for no reason. So stop it

Ehm no… it’s still giving birth. What a load of rubbish.

What would you prefer? You give birth vaginally to “feel” more like a woman?! And the baby ends up brain dead or worse?!

I can’t bear these threads. The only thing that matters is the safety of you and your baby!!

I had one woman now no longer a friend tell me I shouldn’t have a c section bc it’s surgery … if I hadn’t have a c section DC wouldn’t be here.

I had a fully elective c/s with my baby because I never ever wanted to give birth vaginally. I didn’t want to be potentially damaged in that area and honestly it was so peaceful and easy. Quick baby is out in 5 - 7 mins once they start and then you’re back on the ward in 30. My epidural was left in for 3 days so I was comfortable and could press the button for more drugs whenever I needed them. For me, it was magic and just what I hoped for. So was my beautiful baby.

I can't comment on having these thoughts because I have never felt that way, but I did have a planned section due to concerns about gd and it was a really wonderful experience. I saw it very much as me doing what I needed to get my son safely into the world and respecting the need for my body to also be safe. I still made a birth plan and did a lot of research around how sections can be made less clinical (obviously they will always be a surgery at the end of the day but there are some elements you can control) and that helped me feel it was more empowering as originally I'd wanted a natural water birth.

I also did so much research into recovery as part of trying to weigh up my options and there was a really marked difference in the recovery for women who had an emergency section and women who had a planned section. My recovery was very straight forward and isn't something that would put me off doing it again. You just need to plan your support a little more for right after.

I have never felt like I didn't "give birth" to ds and never felt like I missed out on a vaginal delivery. I think op that's probably more the trauma of your birth talking because you didn't get to have the positive experience you'd hoped for so maybe you're trying to recreate that now instead of looking at it like an opportunity to have a safe and very positive delivery this time.

You could ask if your hospital has a birth preferences consultant and maybe ask if you can review your notes from your previous birth to help you understand why things happened the way you did and to have the time and space to sit with someone and weigh up your options and the pros and cons and risks that go with each? I found that really helpful when I was trying to work out what to do.

Well lots of things are unnatural, but doesn’t make them bad. Without the advances in science for IVF I wouldn’t have my baby, and without the advances in healthcare many women and babies wouldn’t survive birth.

Honestly I heard so many people saying ‘women’s bodies are made for birth’ but actually not all are. I was so happy to have a c-section and meet my baby.

💐 for very many women and babies on this thread.

I had an emergency C section with my only DC and my abusive husband told me I couldn’t even give birth properly. A birth is a birth and as long as you and the baby are healthy, it’s all good.

I've had two vaginal births and an emergency c section after an induction. The induction was by far the most traumatic. One of my vaginal births only hurt for a couple hours or so and I was running up and down stairs the next day. It's luck of the draw what labour you get. You did 6 fucking days of labour before you had the c section how is that the easy way to do it? Personally if I even had to labour again I would go naturally or a planned section no fucking way would I consent to another induction with the state of maternity services currently.

The labour is a tiny part of growing and raising a child. Your value doesn't derive from how you birth your children don't let anyone make you feel less for that. 6 days and the recovery from major surgery makes you a hero. Don't be a martyr and choose that again if it's not your preference just to meet these stupid expectations out on women

Trust me, the ONLY thing that matters is that you and the baby make it through as safely as possible!

Nah bollocks to that. I had a vaginal birth, tore terribly and wrecked my vag so much that I needed surgical repair.

My elective c section was an absolute piece of cake by comparison. I wish I hadn't bothered trying to give birth vaginally. At least once a day I'm reminded of the damage it did me.

Crack on with your c section. It's not as if they come round the labour ward afterwards and give you a medal for 'most womanly birth'.

Jesus. What a rubbish way if thinking OP. I had natural birth and i had c section too. I love my babies the same and i feel a real mother. I even feel more real mother when i did c section because i’m happy with the processed. Not like natural birth too painful and too tired. I didnt have any connection with my baby straightaway when i do natural birth because its bloody painful and tired. But its different with c section. The love and the connection its rushing when you see your baby for the first time.

25 years ago I had a C Section due to an undiagnosed breech baby, Husband a foot taller than me so turning not an option, back in the day we would both have died, very grateful to both be here and he's very much my son

Had 2 natural births followed by a c section. Can't say I felt any differently towards the c section birth than the first two, still felt I was going through an ordeal, which is what child birth is really. The natural ones were easiest to recover from overall id say.

Best wishes for welcoming a new lottle person into the world. The best way to do that is the way that keeps mum and baby as healthy as possible. I had one emergency c section for baby number 1 and then one planned c section. The planned one was amazing, such a beautiful experience compared to the emergency version. It is not a failure. I went to the vbac clinic and asked if they could guarantee I wouldn't end up in emergency c section territory again. They couldn't so I went for the elective. Best decision I made. Whatever you decision you make will be the right one for you and baby.

C-section saved my life as a baby as my mother got into difficulty. It also saved my life 8 months ago when we discovered one of my twins had died in utereo and the emergency section saved his brother who lived for 4 days and gave us a chance to meet him and spend time with him.

Am I any less of a mother? I hope not. I'm a mother of two angels now.

Is that how they decide? If your husband is a foot taller? Genuinely interested in this.

Mine they decided do to the position of the breach and the lack of fluid

To make matters worse I have convinced myself that if I don't push a baby out I am missing out on something about womanhood.

I have had a natural birth, and a C section.

There is no difference to how I got my baby, how well they were, or how I breastfed them. There is no difference in bond.

The only difference is that other people make you feel you are in the wrong. It’s another made up stick to beat us with.

It’s bullshit.

What matters is a healthy baby, and a happy mummy.

Please stop telling women that their feelings and preferences don’t matter. Safety of mother and baby is obviously the most important thing but not the only important thing. This has been said a few times on this thread. I’m sure it’s well meaning but I really wish people would think before being so dismissive.

If a woman wants to experience a vaginal birth and it doesn’t work out that way it’s perfectly understandable that she may feel disappointed or upset. That won’t change because someone else says it doesn’t matter! If it matters to her then it matters. It doesn’t make her any less of a woman or any less of a mother but she is still allowed to feel and to express that she wishes things could have gone differently.

@dragonfliesandbees Totally agree. Too many posters here are so dismissive of a women's feelings. It's horrible and can sideline women into bit players or observers of their own experience

Ebadame

Not 100%, I also have very small feet so my consultant guessed my pelvic outlet would be small and 25 years ago was unwilling to scan me to check. Turned out he had a very large head which is why he was breach and wouldn't have gone through my pelvis.

Nonsense. The "surgical extraction" of a c-section is another means of giving birth. So of course you gave birth, as did I and many others on here when we had our sections.

You are not missing out on womanhood by doing C-Section. Vaginal births give you perineal tears (up to grade 4!!! - that's at least 2 tissues), and C-Section is a lot harder - 7 tissues that need to be cut and stitched up! So if anything, C-Sections are harder to recover from and definitely deserve a lot of respect for the mother to go through this.

A birth of Ceasar, what could be better!

It's not nonsense.
I'm a midwife and I know what giving birth is, thank you very much.

Stop talking utter guff then if you're a midwife.

Then you know you are talking bollocks. You gave birth - by c-section. You still gave birth.

My story nearly the exact same as yours, induction due to GDM, waters broken by mistake, baby went into foetal distress so emergency C-section. Second one GDM again. Planned c- section during covid, DH a consultant so hardly any paternity leave, and high risk of getting covid. I got an infection on my stitches post c section and needed antibiotics, really suffered a lot with no help and toddler. Please be kind to yourself. It is not a competition. Do what the Doctors recommend C-section is major surgery and not in any way the “easy way out”!