C Section is 'not a real birth'

[concretevase]

Please read the post before commenting.

Birth of my daughter was a traumatic emergency C Section, after six days of an induction.

I'm about to have a baby and because of GDM am being pressured into a planned C Section or induction.

I hate hate hate the idea of going through all that again. I hate the idea of recovering from another C Section now with a toddler and a newborn and not much paternity leave for my husband.

To make matters worse I have convinced myself that if I don't push a baby out I am missing out on something about womanhood.

Has anyone experienced the same thoughts? If so how did you rationalise them?

Well, my C-sections weren't planned (I never gave it a thought,) but after the first was an emergency one, and they offered me the second, which I took, I am really glad I had C-sections.

I have certainly never 'grieved' a vaginal birth - like one poster said. After the horror stories I read on Mumsnet, (and all over the internet,) about all the birth injuries many women have, I am very glad I had C-sections. The scarring from them is very minimal. You can barely see anything.

I know a half a dozen women (all 31-35 when they had their first,) who had elective C-sections, because they know that the older the mother, the greater the likelihood of a difficult birth. Never known one single woman regret her choice of a C-section.

This all day long. I had an emergency c section aged 25 after a failed induction. My recovery was horrendous and I ended up back in hospital with blood poisoning. Terrible PTSD too.

Had my second c section (planned) aged 37 and my recovery was a walk in the park. I was pain killer free by day 5.

I felt like I really missed out on my first DCs birth (general anesthesia so I guess I did in many ways) but my planned c section was absolutely lovely. Got to hold baby immediately, skin to skin etc. It was a fantastic experience.

I had a vaginal birth, with rapid labour (90m from waters breaking to placenta).

I had actually begged the doctors to properly discuss a c section with me because rapid labour runs in the family. Instead they authorised sweeps from the midwife at home at 37 weeks and said wait and see. In spite of being high risk...

I feel like I "missed out" on a break between contractions which were non stop from the moment they started. I definitely missed out on my packed snacks, playlist etc And I did a grand total on one contraction in a comfortable position before they had me in stirrups.

Somewhat rambling point being... I think it's really common to regret a decision that was taken out of your hands, especially one that you're actively encouraged to overthink.

I do sometimes wonder if it would be better if women were told the range of things that might happen, and not expected to second guess what they think ought to happen in a complicated medical event.

I've has one emergency and one elective CS. I have heard this shite too and frankly its absolute nonsense. I chose to have a CS second time round because I knew what to expect and didn't want to risk any issues, both short term and long term with my vagina, pelvic floor etc. After working in gynae clinic I am too familiar with the impact of vaginal birth. Honestly if someone says this, I would just laugh. I have 2 healthy kids and an intact vaginal area.

Nothing on earth was going to convince me to squeeze a baby out. I had a planned C section and didn’t regret it for a second. No contractions, tears, prolapse, stitches where I didn’t want them, no bladder problems, no forceps, no pelvic floor issues, no embarrassment. Each to their own but I have no idea why women who don’t have to, want a vaginal delivery. Fabulous for those who found it a doddle, btw, but I wasn’t risking it.

I've had three vaginal births and one C-section. I even did one without any painkillers whatsoever for 12 hours of back labour. I promise you, I don't feel like more of a woman for any of it. Whatever you choose, you've gestated a child!

I think you’re minimising the OPs feelings here, it’s quite widely accepted/known that a c-section birth can bring on similar feelings that the OP has described.

I had a friend who was a midwife, she said the caesarean births were lovely because the mothers were lucid.

I've had 4 vaginal births and every time it felt brutal and like I might die. When the babies finally arrived I didn't care about them initially as I was reeling from the pain and exhaustion.
Either way your body has grown that baby for 9 whole months, the birth is just the last few hours at the end of the journey of making an amazing baby!

I've had 3 vaginal births and the whole CS not being 'real' childbirth boils my piss. Did a baby come out of you? Then you gave birth.

A c section is absolutely a real birth. And I say that as someone who has only given birth vaginally. The definition of birth is just a baby coming out of their mother. How doesn’t matter. I didn’t get a trophy for my vaginal delivery. A healthy baby and mum is all that matters.

Well I've had a natural birth and two c sections.
But let me tell you there was absolutely nothing natural about my vaginal birth!
I was cut to shreds,she was pulled out covered in bruises to her face due to forceps after the suction thingy didn't work and I needed an emergency blood transfusion.
The two C-sections were calm and both myself and the babies were snuggled up bonding within minutes.
I know which I'd choose any day of the week. And i still consider myself to have given birth three times 🤷‍♀️

You’re not the thread police, the op can post what she likes.

I've had 2 sections, 13 months apart, it was fine.
I think c sections are much calmer tbh. I hated the idea of a vaginal birth with everything that can potentially go wrong with dc.

My traumatic c section was far, far, far easier to recover from than my traumatic vaginal birth. After about the first 6 months of life, no one gives a shit how a baby was born or fed. You can’t tell from looking.

I had two vaginal births and then a category A c-section for a cord prolapse and would feel no disappointment whatsoever at not attempting it naturally if that's what suited someone. And I had very positive births until my emergency .

I felt like that after my first emergency c section. In all honesty I had crippling PND and I think the two were linked with each other in a vicious cycle. I was strongly advised to have a planned c section with any further kids due to the complications I had with my eldest. A bit of me was really sad I couldn't go for a vaginal delivery but my planned c section experience was actually amazing. I had music playing, they made sure I could properly see my baby as soon as she was half out, she was basically on my stomach with the drapes fully down, they made sure my voice was the first she heard and as soon as she was weighed she was given straight to me (I couldn't hold my eldest for a few hours due to a reaction to the drugs). I felt so supported and encouraged and just felt "present". The obstetrician who delivered my daughter even came round the drape to say "I know last time was very rushed so your scar isn't the best. Instead of going in through the same one would you like me to cut out the old scar and neaten it up?" She did a fabulous job, I have a tiny little white line now! Good luck however you birth your baby, I promise even if you end up with a c section you'd rather avoid it can still be wonderful. I was also out the next day, and my recovery was blissful compared to my first section.

Saying this as someone who's had two vaginal births - the only thing that matters is a healthy mum and baby leaving hospital. Having a c-section is a real birth and if that's what is being recommended for you please listen to the experts.

My first was a vaginal birth, 3 day labour, epidural, forceps, episiotomy.
Second I got all the way through labour (only 1 day this time) to the pushing point then DC got "wedged" (to quote the midwife who debriefed later) and then it was EMCS under GA (spinal block didn't take)
Honestly, if I was doing it again, which I'm not!, I'd take a planned section over either of those, I'd much rather recover from "just" major surgery than major surgery as well as labour.
My first came out the "normal" way but I don't think I can honestly say I "pushed baby out", pretty sure the doctor and forceps did the work!

As others have said, a planned c-section is worlds away from an emergency section. You get the worst of both worlds with the latter, all the exhaustion of labour plus recovering from surgery. Electives are definitely a calmer affair than an emergency section and 99% of vaginal births.

I’ve had a vaginal (assisted) birth. My god I was sore afterwards! 2nd degree tear that was breathily explained to me as “just needing a couple of stitches”. No mention of tearing into the vaginal wall was made! I remember being so uncomfortable and not understanding why, until I eventually googled it myself.

If I have another child, I’d seriously consider an elective section.

First birth was emergency section after a failed induction. Recovered better than I thought

I did go through the regrets of not having 'given birth' (cried at a card saying 'on the birth of your daughter' as thought I didn't deserve it)
DH and friends reassured me it was absolutely a birth and doing 9 months of growing and carrying a baby was amazing in itself & getting a healthy baby was the most important thing. I did get over it pretty quickly

Second time I had a planned section. V big baby and they only gave me a 30% chance of natural, very likely to need episiotomy & ventouse/forceps

Midwife also said 'no point in risking wrecking those bits down there as well as having a section scar!'

Planned section was fabulous, very glad I chose it, no regrets at all.

I technically had a 'real' birth, if you count 10 minutes of panicked pushing as fetal heartbeat dropped and then having baby yanked out via forceps while under GA 'real'.

If I ever have another, I'd go for a planned C section. I'd rather feel I had control than live through the trauma of an assisted natural birth. It's hard when it's not what you want, but everyone's safety is the priority.

I had this after choosing a section. I’m quite ok with the bullying from women who gave birth vaginally. I still feel sex, no incontinence, tearing, absolutely perfect. I just want surgery for the scar, but it’s not a big deal. They push natural birth so heavy because it’s cheap. They don’t even need to fix you ladies up after because no one cares about women in the uk and women accept any of shit here. Great for the nhs, not for me I’m afraid.

@concretevase I totally understand your feelings. I had three C sections, 2 emergency and 1 elective, and, despite having 3 healthy babies and being able to breastfeed them until they were 12 months, it took me several years to 'get over' not having a 'proper' vaginal birth. Please note the quote marks!!
I knew it was illogical and that having a healthy baby was the only thing that mattered but my feelings were my feelings. It didn't help at all when other people said I was silly to think that, or crazy for feeling I had missed out on something especially when those people had been able to give birth naturally and leave hospital the same day or day after delivery.

It doesn't matter how much logic and common sense you apply, nature made sure a woman's body is designed to give birth through the birth canal. We are so lucky to have medical advances meaning there is an alternative but I think you need to give yourself a break, allow yourself to feel these feelings of missing out BUT make sure you work through them. I was able to do it myself but I know a couple of ladies who needed counselling to help them. With hindsight, perhaps if I had taken that option it wouldn't have taken me so many years to ratify it in my head!

Is it gestational diabetes? If so I had that and had a VBAC by induction. It went fine.

Comparing them I'd say a C is also a real birth - (it's no cakewalk) but they are just different experiences.

I hope you get the birth you want. My family put pressure on me to have another section funnily enough more than the midwives!

They don’t even need to fix you ladies up after
This. I know someone who was damaged because of their stitches so they have bladder incontinence. The NHS said she has to wait a year to get fixed. She has gone private.