C Section is 'not a real birth'

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Please read the post before commenting.

Birth of my daughter was a traumatic emergency C Section, after six days of an induction.

I'm about to have a baby and because of GDM am being pressured into a planned C Section or induction.

I hate hate hate the idea of going through all that again. I hate the idea of recovering from another C Section now with a toddler and a newborn and not much paternity leave for my husband.

To make matters worse I have convinced myself that if I don't push a baby out I am missing out on something about womanhood.

Has anyone experienced the same thoughts? If so how did you rationalise them?

Oh dear, there must be a reason why you had a C section. It was done for you and your baby's safety! It's all for your and your baby. What's important is to make sure you and your baby are safe.

It’s true, isn’t it? They’re very quick to enforce a natural birth, not so quick (if at all) to fix the issues that come with one. I wish your friend well. It’s no small thing to deal with something like incontinence and the nhs needs to get its shit together. Until it does, c sections all the way.

I also need to mention that they sent a social services referral because I had to argue with a midwife for this, and she was clearly very pissed off by me coming in with NICE guidelines and statistics.

My antenatal group all ended up having c-sections for our first babies. Second baby time rolled around and all, bar one, opted for planned c-sections.

Guess who ended up with a prolapse and (for a while) doubly incontinent. Genuinely awful for her, but she was desperate to have a vaginal birth, despite her first birth via c-section going smoothly.

I mean the chances are you'll be fine, but in your shoes I'd probably go c-section as it's easier to plan around.

I think looking after a newborn after having your mid section cut open and your innards reorganised is THE most womanly thing any of us can do!
The only thing you're missing out on is a sore fanny. For context I've had 3 vaginal deliveries and one CS.

I hope all goes well OP, don't worry yourself whichever route you choose. X

If I hadn't had a c-section the chances are ds1 and I wouldn't have survived.

Despite that I did feel a bit of a failure, then I saw my sister unable to breastfeed and stressing over it and I kept telling her it didn't matter, what mattered was healthy her & healthy child, then I listened to myself.

And I wish peace upon any woman who feels sad because she didn’t get a vaginal birth. As if creating life for near on a year wasn’t hard enough. Forgive yourselves. You are creators, very powerful.

ps make sure you gently massage the scar as part of the healing process.

I know c sections are so hard to recover from and I understand that you would rather deliver vaginally. But if you can't you can't. All that matters is that you and your baby are healthy. It doesn't make you any less of a woman and your baby won't care.

I was born via c section many years ago and whilst I knew this it didn't make a difference to me or anyone else.

We are fortunate that c sections are safe.

This with bells on.

Two planned c sections and it has never occurred to me to wish otherwise.

Fast recovery and very little pain. I don't feel like I've missed out on anything in a negative way.

Apparently a planned C-section is very different from an emergency one including the recovery, you know the date (unless you come early but they usually schedule early for this), how much care you need, and have time to put that in place. If you need paid help like a post partum doula, childcare for toddler or DH off work unpaid then do so even if you have to borrow money for it unless it will litteraly ruin you. Your health is worth it.

I'm having one as it's that or induction due to Gestational Diabetes and hypertension and after researching and discussing with my ObyGen decided it's the safest, most efficient and least complicated way with the lowest risks and distress to me or the baby. My initial concerns of not being able to breastfeed, not loving my baby as much (I know!) and the recovery have all been resolved with time and information.

Coming to this conclusion was helped along by my friend being refused admittance for 40 hours inc. active labour and involuntary pushing as her contractions were not close enough and then had an emergency C-section as the cord was around the babies neck. And on attending my first fetal monitoring session seeing a woman behind pushed out of the ward in cardiac arrest.

A planned C section is nothing, I repeat, nothing, like an emergency one.

If all goes well, which it should, it will be a very calm, happy experience. I was in and out in roughly 40 minutes. Chatting to my anaesthetist and DH throughout about baby names, my child at home, the weather etc. Music on in the background.

I healed really well and much quicker than my previous natural birth. Felt some bruising around my tummy area but nothing else.

After my natural birth (lots of tearing and stitches) I was in agony going for a wee for weeks. Couldn’t sit down unless on a donut cushion, which made breastfeeding really challenging and uncomfortable. Don’t talk to me about pooing. I don’t want to think/remember the agony that caused.

In my opinion, there is absolutely nothing to recommend a natural birth. Yes, you will be missing out on things by not having one, but none of them are nice things!!!

I always feel like the odd one out with threads like this. I elected for a cesarean first time round, no medical grounds (surprised how many people still don't know this is an option?), and it was amazing. I plan to do the same for my second.

I will never understand why women are programmed to think that unless they screamed for 12 hours and tore themselves apart, they've missed a huge, life affirming experience. The life affirming experience is becoming a mother - doesn't matter how you get there.

I've since spoken to loads of mums who had natural births, who tell me they'd wished they'd chosen an elective cesarean. I've not met one woman who had an elective who regretted it. Calm, controlled, easy recovery. Not to say that some women don't have incredible experiences with natural births - but I didn't want to risk the tearing, incontinence, loss of sexual sensation etc

I've had people joke that I'm too posh too push. My mother included. But honestly could not care less. My baby boy was born healthy, I had a wonderful experience, and healed quickly. That's all that I care about. I often feel these remarks come from women who deep down are envious that their experiences weren't so good, and this is their way of justifying their choices to themselves. Obviously could be wrong, armchair psychology and all that.

Emergency cesareans are completely different and shouldn't be thought of in the same category as electives.

DD suffers from extreme anxiety and was recommended an elective. She and her baby boy had a stress free birth and both of them are all the better for it. The health of mother and child is paramount when giving birth.

Would you say women who don't have a baby at all are missing out on womanhood?

No, you wouldn't. So neither are you by having a section.

A birth is a birth. Doesn't matter how you get there, and no one has ever won extra womanhood points for the type of birth ☺️

Also, it’s much easier having a planned c section if you have other children.

You know the exact time and day of your op well in advance to plan childcare. You know that your DH is not going to be in the hospital for hours and hours. My section was planned for 10am. We dropped off my toddler at a friends at 8:30, got to the hospital for 9, had baby in my arms in recovery room by 11. DH went and picked up our DD around lunchtime and brought her in to meet the baby.

We probably wouldn’t have been able to do any of that had I had a natural birth. It would have been chaos.

I had a c section due to preeclampsia 34 weeks with ds. I had to deliver a 20 week miscarriage vaginally last year and it was horrible. I'm currently 27 weeks pregnant and will be requesting another C section. I don't want the trauma/risk of a vaginal birth

With mu first I had an episiotomy and a third degree tear. I had a ecs with my second. My first wassail a toddler who had chicken pox the week we came out of hospital and dh had started a new job so could only take two weeks off work. I had no real support from family. My second was easier, a million times less painful and I recovered in every way a hell of a lot quicker.

You are not missing anything. Your health and that of the babies is all that matters. Technically a c section is supposed to take longer to recover but i know many who have had bad birth experiences. I would choose a section any day.

Best of luck, please don't even think about it.

Then you were incorrectly advised.

Hey hun, I'm sorry firstly that your first birth was so traumatic and secondly that your feelings have been dismissed as "nonsense" or "rubbish" in this thread! 😒

Of course you want whatever will get your baby here safely and it's OK to be sad about not having the birth you wanted. Two truths can exist and once.

I never had a c-section however I did really want a home birth and to labour spontaneously, but due to complications I had an induced labour in hospital. I was devastated leading up to my induction and even now when I hear my friends talk about their spontaneous birth stories it still stings. But I that wasn't to be our story. I love our story regardless and I hope this time round you will too.

Everything is going to be OK. Discuss your concerns with your consultant/doctor and go over your options again. You are going to absolutely smash this birth and feel like the embodiment of womanhood when you're holding your baby 🩷

Please let us know how you get on x x x

I had 3 vaginal births and then 2 csections. 1st c section was elective and the 2nd was emergency. Personally I found the emergency one easier because it was quick and ds was born about 20 minutes after the registrar shouted "theatre now". Also I was in hdu for 2 days so I got an extra 2 days in bed before I had to be up, sterilizing bottles and walking what felt like miles to neonatal every four hours. With my elective I was sitting there worried and hungry/thirsty all day until at 11pm they decided it wasn't going to happen so I had to quickly eat and drink something before going through it all again the next day. I found recovery a lot easier with my vaginal births too. C-section is definitely still a birth. I just found it harder but there are loads of people who think c section is easier.

My 1st was emergency csection, 2nd I opted for VBAC but he was a very last minute elective section. Very fast recovery, home after 1 night in hospital and picked my toddler up as soon as we got home. How to rationalise it? Simple. I have 2 beautiful children (now in their late teens). I don’t think about how they arrived at all now. They arrived, safely. Nothing else matters.

It sounds like you had a really traumatic, lengthy experience with your first that resulted in a horrible emergency c section.

The best way to reduce the risk of you ever having to experience something like that again is to opt for an early elective at something like 37 weeks.

To make matters worse I have convinced myself that if I don't push a baby out I am missing out on something about womanhood.

You aren't missing out on anything at all, with the possible exception of a whole heap of trauma and birth injuries. Seriously perineal tearing is a very common thing and even with prompt stitching can take a very long time to heal properly. I couldn't sit down comfortably for around 6 months and I am not exaggerating.

But you DID give birth!!