C Section is 'not a real birth'

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Please read the post before commenting.

Birth of my daughter was a traumatic emergency C Section, after six days of an induction.

I'm about to have a baby and because of GDM am being pressured into a planned C Section or induction.

I hate hate hate the idea of going through all that again. I hate the idea of recovering from another C Section now with a toddler and a newborn and not much paternity leave for my husband.

To make matters worse I have convinced myself that if I don't push a baby out I am missing out on something about womanhood.

Has anyone experienced the same thoughts? If so how did you rationalise them?

That's not true though anymore is it? I certainly requested mine, had a medical reason but not one that would have made it impossible.

I had a friend (no longer friends for other reasons) once tell me that it’s a shame I didn’t get to give birth and I missed out because I had a c section.

I had a c section after my induction failed (wasn’t emergency I asked for it on day 2) which I found a positive experience and loved. Friend had a traumatic vaginal birth, lots of bleeding.

Both of us gave birth to a baby, I couldn’t imagine why she thought I missed out when my birth was not traumatic like hers.

I know you can have a positive natural birth too. Every experience is individual.

It’s a shame you feel like you’re missing out on something, it’s a shame society has made woman feel like unless you go through a vaginal birth it’s not real.

Just want to let you know that this is incorrect. In the UK you can have a c section becuase it’s your right to choose. You don’t need to have a medical reason x

Mine was because the baby was breech. Yes I could have insisted on a vaginal birth to feel like a real woman but it was strongly recommended I have a c section.

With the subsequent babies it was assumed I would have a vaginal birth - I was told I would have to make a case to the consultant for another c section.

It certainly didn't feel like I had a choice.

The only person that ever said that was someone who hadn't had a section

Mine were around 10 years ago and it didn't feel like there was much choice then.

I had one moderately awful vaginal delivery (14 days overdue, protracted induction, theatre afterwards for stitches) and one peaceful, planned C-section.

I know which I would do again in a heartbeat.

Both my DC are older, and apart from one DC having to see a paediatrician some time ago and type of delivery being asked as a question, I have never been asked about it since.

I couldn't give a flying placenta how babies arrive as long as it is done as safely as possible for everyone involved!

I regret nothing about getting my babies here safe and sound. Ridiculous to think otherwise. My friend is just home after giving birth vaginally and she was torn to shreds. I know which I’d prefer.

Let's think about this logically...

No Caesarian in a difficult birth resulting in high chance of trauma and/or death of baby and mother
OR
Caesarian and healthy baby and mother.

I'm going for the very real birth option of the C section, OP. It's still your child's birth, however it occurs.

You got pregnant because you wanted a child, not a Birth Experience, didn't you?

To make matters worse I have convinced myself that if I don't push a baby out I am missing out on something about womanhood.

With respect, this says something about your own disordered thought processes, and nothing about births, vaginal or otherwise. Have you been drinking the NCT Koolaid?

You know what, if not having risking having my vagina ripped to my butthole, or my clitoris torn in two, or needing vaginal reconstructive surgery means I haven't fully experienced womanhood, then I'm ok with that.

And yes, I know that women with that injuries are in the minority (apparently) but I also know women they've happened to, and I'm lucky that in having planned sections, I never took those risks. I took different ones, but ones that didn't make me cross my legs and wince.

If you really want to 'experience' it, fine, go for it. It's important that you follow your instincts here, but it's not really an 'experience', more an incredibly painful and risky thing to endure and get through which has killed millions of women.

They will probably ask you questions about why you want the section but you do have the right to request it. Any surgeon that refuses must refer you to another.

I ‘chose’ a section after a long induction that was going nowhere, it was that or the hormone drip but I really didn’t want it. I felt hugely guilty afterwards though so can sympathise with OP.

Even that, I vaguely remember from the documentary that she had a private section date so David could be there as he was in contract and had a really small window of time when he wouldn’t be away at a game or training camp or something.
If you had unlimited money and your partner might not be there for the birth of your child wouldn’t you do what you could to make that happen?

The too posh to push narrative has done serious damage.

My husband's ex said when she found out I had a section 'so not a real birth then'. I have type 1 diabetes, I was over 40, he weighed 10lbs 4oz at just before 37 weeks when I had him. Yea it was pretty damn real and recovery no walk in the park, though not as bad as I feared.
You are pregnant. The baby has to come out. Whether through your vagina or uterine wall the baby is born and is real. I feel no 'guilt'. The doctors strongly recommended a section. I wanted a healthy baby and that's what I got.

I am missing out on something about womanhood.

It's your responsibility as a woman and mother to do what is safest for your baby and yourself (and your other child).

"Womanhood" in the past quite often involved dying during or after birth, or losing a baby during or after birth.

People have all these concepts based on "nature" always being benevolent and functional etc.

It's not though, is it??

Yeah I get you, I completely felt like this too.

I had to have a c section first birth, and felt shit about it. 2nd time around I was determined to have a v bac. Again, this didn’t work out due to medical reasons and I had a c section. My c section experience was a 100 times better the second time around - I asked for a ‘natural’ section, where they delayed cord clamping, lowered the curtain as she came out, then gave her straight to me and didn’t take her a away from me at all (they took dc away first time whilst they stitched me up!). It went perfectly - I had never felt happiness like it in my life. But the feelings of missing out came back and for the first year of her life I couldn’t talk about anyone giving birth, cried a lot - I wouldn’t have been able to look at this post.
Now that’s passed, and I think hormones settled, I honestly don’t feel like I missed out on anything. My 2nd section was such an amazing experience, I’d never felt joy like it, and if I had a natural birth I maybe wouldn’t have had that experience.
So I guess I’m saying I get what you’re saying and have been there myself, but two sections later I’ve come to terms with it and I’m so pleased with how my births went. I don’t think I’ve missed out at all. And the reality is that neither myself or my babies would have survived a vaginal birth either, so that also puts everything into perspective.

This in spades op. No one , and absolutely no one will give you a medal for having a VD. And even more so, it isn't the measure of how great a mum you will be. A healthy baby and mum is the most important thing. A planned CS is a very calming experience. You just need a week or two of help for Recovery

I have had 3 c sections 2 elected I have never thought about missing out. I just wanted my babies out safely xx

Some quite harsh posts here, I think.

I had a section and a VBAC. If I knew then what I inow now I’d have had two sections.

Although the pethadine was great.

There's so many things we can feel "guilty" about - how long it takes to conceive, having a miscarriage, how healthy we are in pregnancy, being anxious or depressed, how the baby arrives, how long (or if) we breastfeed for, how we wean, whether we go back to work or stay at home, using nurseries, using tech.... it's kind of, pick the one that going to make you feel and about yourself! I wish we could just stop it and ensure we had safe and happy dc and mothers. That is enough!

I don't judge other mums at DCs school based on how they had their children, vaginal, c-section, adoption etc. I don't care whether they breast-fed etc. They're all mums. I hope you can get past this and enjoy your baby.

I also am in favour of some planned/elective caesarians because it's how medical staff can get training and practice for emergency caesarians without the intense pressure and stress of emergency circumstances.

That became clear to me when my shit hot doctor/surgeon disappeared after introducing herself, and I got another gynaecologist who was audibly training a junior throughout mine.

I think the non emergency ones are hugely helpful to medical staff. They probably help save lives.
Would you like to do things for the first (or even second or third etc time) under intense, life saving pressure?

You get to have an intact vagina though!

You'll be very glad of that in later life, trust me

Lol