To think it’s unusual to have a below average child if…

[Kegas]

Their parents are high achievers? I know I shouldn’t feel disappointed but I do. Me and DH are very high achievers. From school and now well into our careers. I sort of assumed our child would be even better than that, but they’re very much not. AIBU to have expected differently?

To be fair, she said learning disability OR neurodiversity.

Would you want to be around people like that? Would you want your son or daughter to be with someone who only valued them for their money or their highest academic achievement?

I agree @Goslingsforlife it is frightening how much people don't understand autism/adhd. Some autistic children are exceptionally academically gifted like my DS, others are not. Academic ability is not an indicator by itself and most parents of neurodiverse children will have picked up on the areas of the spectrum their child struggles in, long before any formal diagnosis.

It makes me sad how many people think that autism just means you're not very bright.

Like a lot of other traits with a genetic element intelligence graduates towards the mean. For example, two very tall people will have children who are tall but not very tall. It is not at all surprising that you child is not as bright as either of you. It is the way genetics works. However I think you have unrealistic expectations of your six year old which are going to have a negative effects on your child unless you, as someone uprhread said, give your head a wobble.

Initially sightly bemused as to why you would report a post which merely quoted your own comments from another thread back at you however I understand why, on reflection you might regret those comments and not wish to see them repeated so that's absolutely fine.

Just to throw a little bit of perspective on this, adopted parents don’t have the luxury of desiring our kids to be ‘mini me’s’. We just want them to be happy and try our best to negate previous trauma. If your child is happy, secure and loved, there is nothing more important.

This is such a good point. This is my situation, and I’m so grateful that my DD doesn’t have to scrabble like I did, but I also get frustrated that she doesn’t have the drive I developed due to life being a constant scrabble to stay afloat. I just have to accept that, and to appreciate the many wonderful qualities she does have.

I work in year 2 in a primary school. Our high achievers are the children whose parents get them to do their homework, practice their spellings, use the school's online learning resources, read with them every night, expose them to new material often, talk to their children a lot etc. if your child can read then they should be able to write and spell. If your child has good language skills they should have lots of good ideas to write down. It's all very easy at this point unless your child has learning disabilities. I'd say put in some more work at home if you want to give them a boost.

My DH was told as a teenager that he was a "major disappointment" by his DM. 😳😞 Pretty harsh, he's done well considering what she said. 😱😳

My eldest DD is going much further academically etc than I ever expected and is miles ahead of both me and my DH intellectually. I guess she inherited the best of us both lol 😆 On a serious note, of course I'd love her unconditionally, and even if she'd not been such a high achiever or so lovely as a person.

I love all 3 of my DC for who they ar3, irregardless of their achievements or so-called shortcomings. If they are happy and loved, they will be ok. That is all that matters to me. If they become the next Nobel peace prize winner, even better... but they are loved no matter what happens.

Reported. Continued personal attack on me.

Poor kid

Reported. Continued personal attack on me.

I absolutely agree, and this reflects what I said above. As an adopted child, my parents only ever wanted the best for me (and still do) in terms of being loved and supported unconditionally. As my dear departed late DB was also adopted, we were both biologically unrelated, so totally different obviously, but the upbringing was still the same. Warm, loved, comfortable, happy, supported. We were so fortunate and it proved my parents only ever wanted us to be happy, no matter how we were.

hear! hear!

I don't agree with this at all

I was around below average until around year 11

Put my head down

1st in Cambridge

And first place in my year

So never too late

6 is so young

My DH and I could be described as high achievers academically and both have 'clever' jobs, however if our DC turn out to be average, that's absolutely fine with me - as long as they are happy well adjusted people that's what really matters.

I was pretty average at school by the way, even had to resit my GCSE maths, but excelled at university and have a PhD. So YABveryU to write him off at aged 6!

Yes - my DS was not selected for the additional maths teaching to stretch the most able in years 5/6 whereas some of his friends were. Five years later he outperformed all of them at GCSE.

I’d echo other posts about spending time with your DC, reading with them, taking them to museums etc. Give them plenty of opportunities to learn and develop. They might turn out to have very different interests and abilities to you. Both of ours are very good at maths - I was ok at it, and DH was not much better. Neither of ours are remotely interested in what I teach at univ.

They might turn out to have very different interests and abilities to you.

@Maray1967 Exactly, your children have their own strengths that may be unrelated to your own.

I disliked physics and dropped it as soon as I could. I was reasonable at maths but dropped it after GCSE’s. Guess what my DD is studying at university?! 😂

Fucking hell. Talk about pressure. I am probably above average, DH sitting around average (actually above but laziness meant he didn't reach his full potential at school). 1 child absolutely smashing it beyond all expectations, GCSEs this year and if mocks are anything to go by 80% plus across.the board so a full house of grade 9s. I've done nothing to help this at all.
Smaller one at primary school still on or below across the board. Same genetics, same parenting for both. One got the rains and one didn't. They're both amazing though and the personality of the smaller one means they will go far I am sure

I can see that practice and support will make a huge different at that age. I'm interested to know how that changes with time? My youngest has just finished y2 (doing fine academically) and we didn't do anything additionally with homework etc. I'm a big believer in the importance of play, curiosity, unstructured time etc and being child-led with learning. Lots of praticing each night feels like 'hot housing' to me. How do those oarents manage in secondary schools? We would visit museums etc, put emphasis in reading books rather than watching YouTube etc

I'm coming from the perspective some of my friends doing intensive 1:1 learning during covid lockdowns. The kids are then were then well ahead with maths/ phonics and bored when they went back but struggled socially. Do those kids rebel further on? Are they motivated to learn?

Perhaps it's given me a skewed view but I tend to let school do what's needed and focus on the enrichment stuff - music/art/sport outside school.i want my kids to be critical thinkers and problem solvers. They will desparately need those skills in the future.

I'm also coming from the perspective of working with recent graduates, those skills are in short supply.

If you tell them you love them and don't compare and praise them for there strengths its ok push them another story

😄

A friends child was behind in maths all the way through primary.
Somethng clicked for him in secondary and really excelled continued with a maths degree and pulled a first! Some are just late starters….most people excell at being very ordinary and lovely! What will be will be, as the saying goes? Have a 🍷