Snoring on hospital ward

[ffssssssssssss]

Night three in hospital with 1 yr old DC who's recovering from a serious 12 hour surgery (and obviously needs as much rest as they can).

4 bays to this ward, other families fine, fairly considerate, one listens to the radio all day which is a bit annoying but what can you do.

New family (2 parents + baby) arrives this evening at 10pm, their child sounds 2-3. All have very loud conversations with each other despite being surrounded by sleeping babies (eldest on the ward is about 7). All wake up.

They order a Deliveroo which is delivered at midnight. Noisily eat it in their bay (there's a v nice family room down the hallway).

Dad of the family has been snoring like a freight train for the last hour, has woken my DC up 3 times. Ironically my baby's cries aren't waking up snorer.

Can hear mum moving about next to him and not doing a thing about the vibrations coming from her partner (I'd be kicking my husband).

Ward policy is one parent only over night 😒 would have loved DH's help when I was here post op with my baby.

After the third wake up I went to the nurses station and told they can't help snoring - not even having a word. But it was 'situational' that two parents were sleeping in the bay and it wouldn't happen again.

Can't work out if I'm overreacting because I've had 4 hours sleep the last two nights. AIBU if you know you snore you do something about it if you're spending the night on a ward with very sick kids? Or, you know, just follow hospital policy and let your wife take the shift? Please let me know before I club this man with a bed pan.

(Before you suggest ear plugs, I don't want to wear any because I want to be aware of the noises DC is making/be there if he wakes up)

They have a child in the hospital and you want them to worry about snoring. people snore. Sometimes the parent taking care of a child is going to snore. There might be a good reason for 2 parents to be present and even if they have only 1 stay, the dad has every right to be the parent on night duty.

direct your ire to the existence of antiquated wards and the lack of privacy, not the fact that some people snore.

I don’t think anyone is the asshole here.

The deliveroo; they were probably exhausted and hungry. I can imagine they didn’t want to leave the child, hence eating on the bay. Somewhat rude but in situations like that you aren’t always thinking straight. Also with meds and obs, midnight isn’t always prime sleeping time.

The snoring; he can’t help it and it’s one of the painful things about being in a shared bay. The nurses were right; it’s not their job to wake someone snoring.

The family; here is where you could argue that sticking to the rules would have made your experience easier and should have been instigated. Clearly the nurses were aware of the ‘situation’ and had information you, rightly, don’t know.

Can you ask for a Ronald McDonald family room so you can get some sleep today or do a shift swap with your OH?

You must be so emotionally and physically exhausted. I am sorry you’re going through this, and hope that your little one improves soon.

Ok, snoring can't be helped, but they do sound very inconsiderate in general.

It’s not ideal but it sounds like they have had a late night emergency admission so I would give them some leeway. Staff will have their reasons for allowing both parents to stay.

sadly most hospital wards are conducive with a good sleep

@Piccygirl appreciate what you're saying, it's never nice to have a child admitted to hospital and I have a huge amount of sympathy for everyone in that boat, but you are aware of the other people in the same situation as you and act accordingly. My DH and I have been eating in shifts away from the ward so we're not noisy/smelly (the smell of KFC at midnight was unpleasant!) and I'd expect other people to have the same consideration for my child as I do for theirs.

YES snoring can't be helped but why did the wife not do anything about it? she was getting up and down and moving around, I'd be nudging my husband so he could flip over, it was overall so disruptive to all the other children on the ward.

We do have a room and I'll be taking a sleeping shift later, hopefully there will be one parent tomorrow night

YANBU (well, don’t go clubbing anyone with a bedpan!)

They’ve had one night not following the rules : your child needs to recover too so I’d be speaking to the matron / ward manager / sister (whomever is in charge) when they take over for night shift tonight that they need to just have one parent there tonight. They sound incredibly inconsiderate but I’d give them the benefit of the doubt for the first night.

I have spent a lot of time in hospital with dc, including nicu and picu, and some families treat it like a family outing with no consideration at all for others.

and as for the radio what can you do? You ask them to use headphones or turn it down or ask staff to do it for you. There will be a noise policy for the ward with various rules and regs.

if you’ve escalated things appropriately within the ward and it’s not improved then you can contact PALS if still no luck.

YANBU about the loud noises or the deliveroo.

Presumably there's a reason they've been allowed two parents overnight, but you won't be told what that is.

YABU about the snoring, it's not done intentionally.

YANBU. These people have no consideration. Who orders Deliveroo to a children’s ward at midnight?! Making so much noise everyone is awake. It’s ridiculous.

edited to include that the nurses don’t want the reaction by telling one of them to leave. I bet they are both there all the time.

I'm sorry, it's a nightmare isn't it.

they sound incredibly inconsiderate. Deliveroo at midnight, utterly ridiculous, stinky KFC beyond ridiculous. It shouldn't be allowed.

when they were talking loudly & waking everyone up (so inconsiderate) they should have been told to be quiet.

As for radio family, ear phones or off.

snoring.. can't be helped, but as she was awake yeah, she should have been doing what was needed to stop him.

hell is other people.

When I was last in between the patients, visitors & staff there was NO sleep to be got. I know the staff have to do their jobs, but they could close door instead of letting them slam shut, close broken bin lids instead of letting them clatter, not discuss their sex lives & everything else around the beds or laugh like hyenas at stuff on their phones. It was awful.

get the radio family sorted today, hopefully freight train won't be there tonight & mostly hope you're home soon!!

I think some people are just inconsiderate. Doesn't mean they are awful terrible people, just that they don't have full appreciation that there are other people just as important as them in the world. Like poorly children and their sleep deprived parents. Yes they are likely stressed and hungry and tired and all of that. Like you. But you think of others, and some people just - don't. Which is really sad.

Wishing you love and strength x

Parents who have probably been busy with a poorly child all day? Hospitals often don't provide food for parents outside of meal times, and whilst sure one parent could have popped out if they had a car to grab something for them both, we don't know the circumstances as to why both have been permitted to stay.

OP do appreciate it's stressful and upsetting when your child needs to rest to recover and there's a lot going on, but it's part and parcel unfortunately. You rightly don't know why both parents are there, tonight if there's just one it could just be dad who snores- they can't wake parents up really because of this.

I'm sure I'd be fuming like you about the loud conversations really late, I'd have had a word myself about that, not left it to the nurses. However the snoring - wouldn't make a not of difference if I nudged my husband or not, he still carries on snoring, more so if he's stuck in an uncomfortable hospital and can't get in a better position. I'm the same, especially in hayfever season. Such is the nightmare with being on a hospital ward. It's infuriating but very little you can do.

OP, people on Mumsnet will always defend skanky, chavvy behaviour. The people on the ward sound entitled. Sounds like the staff are pandering to them too.

Hope your little one soon recovers from the Op xx

@Puggup it's not the ordering of the food I take issue with - you eat when you can when you're in hospital with a sick child! I've had subways for dinner for the last 3 nights so I don't have to leave the grounds. It's choosing to eat kfc bedside on a ward with sleeping children when there are multiple other (more comfortable!) places they can eat, like the dedicated parents room or kitchen

I understand why you are frustrated but got only knows what's wrong with their child or what they have gone through to end up in there especially seen as both parents are allowed in , maybe a little more understanding or compassion is needed ? I think you're extra on edge with lack of sleep and all you and your baby have gone through . Wishing them a speedy recovery x

Are there any private rooms you could pay for?

YANBU about them making lots of noise late at night. That's really selfish of them. It's awful having a poorly child but you still need to be respectful and kind to others. I would have gone to the nurses station when they were eating and asked the nurse to kick them out.

Why is everyone defending them with “but they have a poorly child”?

So does everyone else on the ward, that’s what a hospital is for,

I know it's crazy but maybe they want to stay with their child?

Because none of their behaviour sounds that outrageous considering it's a shared ward. Even if it was one parent they could be a snorer, eating take away is hardly a sin, and no one knows what their child is in hospital for and why they're both permitted to stay. Hospitals are generally awful places to try and recover, silence at night time or even quiet isn't always possible.

I think you need to cut them some slack for their first night. If things are bad again tonight I would definitely have a quiet word, because they may not realise how much they are disturbing people. But not really much you can do about the snoring.

They could have taken it in turns at the very least to eat the KFC in the parent kitchen/lounge area.

Ah yes OP, cut the poor chavs 'some slack' 🙄

And I'd tell the staff that it's 'situational' that your DH will be staying overnight now with you too, as it's so acceptable

I bet anything it's just that the staff are too scared to tell them 'no', hence people like that get pandered to and fawned over while they lay the law down on people that don't act like entitled chavs

But what's the issue with KFC, would different foods have been okay? Plenty of parents eat throughout the night if their children are admitted in this time. It's wildly different being settled for the night following a day in hospital and being admitted at night.

I think they sounds incredibly selfish - and having a sick child doesn't give you the right to disturb the OTHER SICK CHILDREN on the ward!