If your DC’s GPs didn’t help with childcare…were you inclined to help with elderly care…?

[CautionConcealedEntrance]

Just that, really.

If your children’s Grandparents were unwilling to help with your DC, how do you feel about helping them in their dotage?

My own Parents made it absolutely clear that they had no intention or desire to even spend any time nor took any interest in my DC. Never sent presents, never remembered birthdays, on the few occasions they spoke it was always in an age inappropriate manner - using baby talk to the 6 year old e.g. As for my In-Laws, even though they were really quite elderly and unwell at times when my DC were little, they always took a huge interest in them, always making sure the books and toys they sent were age appropriate and looked after them when possible.
Now the in laws are extremely infirm and elderly, it has been an honour to be able to help them. My parents…? They get phone calls and very rare visits (they live in another country and are struggling over there). They are turning on the pathos, constantly complaining about feeling abandoned and always asking for help. I’ve not volunteered to help out, except for a couple of admin things. But that’s it.

Am I a monster for thinking like this?

I do not see how they are connected. My widowed DF always made it clear he was not helping with out DCs but that not stop us from nursing him in our house for a year or so before he died.

The two things are not connected in my view. It's not some game of "tit-for-tat".

I disagree

Sorry you don't know me or my family and no one was taken advantage of by any husbands. I've been glad to been brought up surrounded by woman who have gone out to work.

Each to their own, but it's insulting to suggest woman should seek out men who want them to stay at home in order so they can be of service to their family.

Was he interested in your DC though? Did he have a relationship with them? The OP's parents haven't got any relationship with her children and have made no effort to a part of their lives. They also put OP in foster care and then sent her to boarding school so even if she didn't have children, I don't see why she would be offering them any support or care now when they didn't care for her. You get out what you put in

You are not being unreasonable.
Your parents seem to have always chosen to put themselves first and now they are reaping what they have sown.
I suspect you don't like them very much and don't really want to spend much time with them but you feel somehow guilty - just as they intend you to.
Don't feel guilty, get on with your life as they have got on with theirs.

Let me guess....you're a grandparent?

Actually, no, I'm not!

I don’t think a lack of childcare = not providing your parents with support!

HOWEVER the sheer lack of love & care they’ve shown your family as a whole would probably have most people going low or no contact!!

I think parents that lovingly raised their children rightly get payback when they are elderly, irrespective of childcare provided.
But if a loving childhood didn't figure then they cannot expect it.

I think the OP put the info about the children as well because for some they see it as a bit of an opportunity for a second chance for the GP if they get involved.

I have said earlier how poor i feel my parents were to me but if they had shown a glimpse of interest in being proper GP with my children i would have forgiven them in a heartbeat and welcomed their involvement.

Horrific ageism these days.

Grandparents should be expected to be little more than servants to their offspring whom they've already raised.

Otherwise the should be cut off and left to face their vulnerable years alone.

And no I'm not a grandparent.

I feel the same @Scammersarescum
Also not a grandparent, and expected nothing of my own parents when my children were young. And yet still managed to help care for them in their final months. And so glad I did.

And to add, I was brought up in ways that my own children would probably find horrifying - seen and not heard etc. And yet I have managed not to cast blame. We are all products of our lives and times and own upbringings.