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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do I have a right to be annoyed?

157 replies

somewhatmiffed · 24/07/2024 15:49

Two sisters
Anne - 55 years old, single, owns a house with 120k outright, works 30 hours a week,
Sue- 42 years old married with 3 kids, two are now adults one is a child and severely disabled. Have a mortgaged house £150k. Works very part time due to youngest needs.

When their mum died she left her share in the the house to their dad and bequeathed money to Anne and sue (50k each ) and each the grand kids (20k each) The adult twins got their money direct, the younger child's money went in a account for him. The twins were 18 at the time so they bought driving lessons/cars and did a gap year travelling plus some designer hoodies.

Dad has a mirror will so when he dies his children get 50k each, grand kids 20k each. The house has been left to Anne and Sue and any remaining funds will also go to them.

Anne has at times expressed annoyance at this seeing it as Sue getting 60k more. She feels it should be split 50/50 and then Sue give from her share.

Recently dad mentioned changing his will so it's split 50:50 to Sue and Anne. He asked Sue what she thought, she said it's his money , his choice but the twins would probably be upset as they have been previously told about the inheritance (by their grandmother)

Sue knows that Anne has been saying something as it's not something dad would just think of.

Also to mention Anne lives other side of country and visits 3 times a year. (Although does ring weekly) Sue cares for her dad - shopping/paying bills etc. visits a couple times a week, grandchildren probably see him around once a month.

Is Sue right to be annoyed for the Will is changed?

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 24/07/2024 15:58

It's up to the dad. No one has a right to be annoyed.

BallaiLuimni · 24/07/2024 16:12

This sort of thing horrifies me. I can't imagine putting such pressure on my parents. It's entirely up to them what they want to do with their money. If it seems 'unfair' I might wonder but there is no way I'd start hassling them or make a fuss.

If my own children behaved like this I'd be so fucked off and disappointed with them.

Boomer55 · 24/07/2024 16:14

An inheritance is just a wish list until someone dies. Leave people alone to work out their own finances.🙄

Sirzy · 24/07/2024 16:15

The one with a right to be annoyed is the father who is now going to be left feeling guilty whatever he does!

GabriellaMontez · 24/07/2024 16:17

I think Anne would be wrong to approach her Dad about this.

Particularly as it's something he agreed with late wife.

Amazonmulu · 24/07/2024 16:17

He's not dead yet - just leave the man alone!

Also Anne and Sue get equal amounts do t they?! £50k each. It's not Sue's fault Anne didn't have kids. If she had they would have each got £20k.

But again - just leave the man alone!

otravezempezamos · 24/07/2024 16:17

I don’t understand how Sue ‘is getting 60K more’. The money will be paid to her kids, not to her, and she will have her own share which is the same as Anne’s.

Bersham · 24/07/2024 16:19

The dad can decide what he wants to do with his money. There should be no pressure on him. If there is squabbling between the children if I was him I would leave it all to the cats home.

Coconutter24 · 24/07/2024 16:21

Sue was right to say to her dad it’s his money. Anne was wrong for even bringing this up, it’s absolutely disgusting the way some people argue or make issues over inheritance when the people leaving money are still alive!! I hope the dad spends the lot of it whilst he’s here and has a bloody good time with nothing left for the greedy vultures

suburburban · 24/07/2024 16:22

50/50 between siblings is fairest

Up,to Sue if she wants to give some to her dc

2sisters · 24/07/2024 16:27

Dad can do what he wants with his money. If sue is bothered she can give the twins £20k each from her 50%.

AppleCream · 24/07/2024 16:29

As others have said it's up to the Dad, but personally I think it's absolutely fine to leave some money directly to the grandchildren and the rest split 50/50.

Jengnr · 24/07/2024 16:29

Sue doesn’t get 60k more. That’s a ridiculous notion.

TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 24/07/2024 16:32

I agree with Anne.

it should be split in half and then Sue’s half portioned out again to cover her kids. Everything else is irrelevant and makes it sound like you are Sue.

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 24/07/2024 16:34

It doesn't matter what we think, it's not up to us, and it's not fair on the siblings to be pressuring dad.

IncognitoUsername · 24/07/2024 16:36

It’s up to Dad what he does. He could give it all to one sister if he decided to.
It’s pretty crass to be discussing this before he’s dead. And how do the sisters know how much each others’ house is worth and mortgage details? Not that it’s relevant anyway.

time2changeCharlieBrown · 24/07/2024 16:36

Disgusting to squabble over this and ask anything of dad
its up to him and shouldn’t be questioned I find it really distasteful to hear people arguing over things like this

Dinoswearunderpants · 24/07/2024 16:41

Anne needs to get a life!

Tessabelle74 · 24/07/2024 16:42

If you were my kids I'd be off on a booze filled world cruise until I died at sea

PreciousMahoney · 24/07/2024 16:44

Op I know you said that your dad did ask so I hope I'm not too abrupt.

I'm in my mid 60s and we have a house and savings, and four kids.

Reading this has totally triggered me, if I read any of my family going into such detail about who was getting what and why I would me extremely hurt.

I'm still alive and it's just so crass the back and forwards while the gentleman is still alive.

If I saw my lot bickering like this I'd sell up and piss off to foreign climes, anything left the cat charity.

That said your dad should have sorted his affairs quietly as he wished without saying zilch.

RicherThanYews · 24/07/2024 16:47

I've personally experienced whole families have life long feuds and fall outs over a £4k inheritance split 3 ways. It is not worth it but people who squabble over money when a loved one dies shows you who they really are.

Circumferences · 24/07/2024 16:50

It's outrageous that Anne said anything about the will if that's true. My opinion of her would be on the floor.
I think it's fair in a will to give GC a fixed amount then share the rest equally between the DC. It should stay like that. It's not Sue's fault Anne is Childless.

TiaraBoo · 24/07/2024 16:55

There’s no right or wrong answer.
50:50 is fairest I think between your own children. But I also said to my mum, if she wanted to leave money to the grandchildren it’s her choice as she may want the money to go to them directly, she knows and loves them - they’re not potential children in the future.
Also, I may have different priorities at the time of an inheritance, I might need to use all the money myself now I’m single rather than in the more comfortable position I used to be in with a double income household.

I realise it feels unfair as you don’t have children, but your parents can’t help that they have more relatives that they want to leave something to.

greenpolarbear · 24/07/2024 16:56

Amazonmulu · 24/07/2024 16:17

He's not dead yet - just leave the man alone!

Also Anne and Sue get equal amounts do t they?! £50k each. It's not Sue's fault Anne didn't have kids. If she had they would have each got £20k.

But again - just leave the man alone!

It's also not Anne's fault Sue did have kids!

Maddy70 · 24/07/2024 17:03

50/50 split to children is always fairer. Grandchildren inherit after their parents die

But noone has the right to be annoyed in how someone else chooses to direct their affairs