Do I have a right to be annoyed?

[somewhatmiffed]

Two sisters
Anne - 55 years old, single, owns a house with 120k outright, works 30 hours a week,
Sue- 42 years old married with 3 kids, two are now adults one is a child and severely disabled. Have a mortgaged house £150k. Works very part time due to youngest needs.

When their mum died she left her share in the the house to their dad and bequeathed money to Anne and sue (50k each ) and each the grand kids (20k each) The adult twins got their money direct, the younger child's money went in a account for him. The twins were 18 at the time so they bought driving lessons/cars and did a gap year travelling plus some designer hoodies.

Dad has a mirror will so when he dies his children get 50k each, grand kids 20k each. The house has been left to Anne and Sue and any remaining funds will also go to them.

Anne has at times expressed annoyance at this seeing it as Sue getting 60k more. She feels it should be split 50/50 and then Sue give from her share.

Recently dad mentioned changing his will so it's split 50:50 to Sue and Anne. He asked Sue what she thought, she said it's his money , his choice but the twins would probably be upset as they have been previously told about the inheritance (by their grandmother)

Sue knows that Anne has been saying something as it's not something dad would just think of.

Also to mention Anne lives other side of country and visits 3 times a year. (Although does ring weekly) Sue cares for her dad - shopping/paying bills etc. visits a couple times a week, grandchildren probably see him around once a month.

Is Sue right to be annoyed for the Will is changed?

I can see why Anne thinks it's unfair. She inherits less because of the discrete sums to Sue's children.

It should be down to Sue to leave money, or give money, to her children.

Who knows what sacrifices & pain Anne feels about being single with no children? The wills might exacerbate this.

Scrabbling over an inheritance is unbelievably crass, but to do it while the parent is still alive? Hideous.

What is it with all the inheritance posts lately. There's a lot of expectation when really individuals should expect nothing, painful as it might seem.

I can see why Anne thinks it's unfair. She inherits less because of the discrete sums to Sue's children
She inherits less because there are children in the mix, full stop.
She'd inherit even less if she had children herself, wouldn't she? Or another sibling?
The grandchildren are separate people in their own right, there is nothing unfair about treating them as such.

Anne sees Sue's children as an extension of Sue. The will - and the grandparents- see the children as people in their own right. They have a relationship with their grandfather independent of/outwith their mother.

Sue can give money to her DC from her half.

I wouldn’t say one way is more fair than the other tbh, but as the GC already inherited once, it would make sense for the second inheritance to be split between the two sisters only.

Not fair to put pressure on parents to change will but the twins sound grabby and awful. Theyll be upset to not get money they never had any legal right to. Inheritance from grandparents shouldnt be assumed or taken for granted.

As someone who has inherited and hopefully will leave some inheritance (care fees permitting) I think it should be shared equally between the children, and the children should sort out their own children. My mother did talk about leaving some to the grandchildren, I made no comment and said it was up to them, my brother had 5 children to my 2. I felt that in some way my family was being disadvantaged because of my - and my brother's choices. He chose to have 5 children, I chose to have 2 because money was tighter for us. It felt like he was being rewarded because his family was receiving 5/7 of this amount. She had also made some mention of my brother needing the money more than I do - he didn't, he is no worse off than I am, but in any case, you never know what is going to happen to people in the future.

However, when my parents died, they had left their estate divided equally between my brother and me. It comforted me at the end - their will was their last message to us and it showed that they loved us equally.

There was no way I would ever have commented on this in their lifetime, how crass would that have been, but it confirmed what I thought about wills and a year later when I made my will, I did the same.

Everything should be split 50/50 between Sue and Anne and the twins are cheeky bastards.

I agree with those saying the split should be 50/50 to the sisters and anything to the grandkids come out of Sue’s share. Otherwise Sue could have continued having children and Anne’s inheritance would drop by £20k each time. What happens if the grandkids start having their own children, would Anne’s share be cut again?

The twins' mum needs to ahead a word with herself, putting emotional pressure on Dad. The childless sister is right, but should keep quiet.

Dad should leave it all to the donkey sanctuary

Complete agreement here. It's also how inheritance law works where I'm based (non-UK.)

Anne sounds like a grasping, greedy, selfish cow tbh.

Disagree. It is neither Anne nor Sues money to give away it is that of their Father and he can allocate it as he wishes.

Agree with PP that it is incredibly crass to be squabbling over money and the poor man isn't even dead yet!

Yes. His money, his decision, however much individuals involved might disagree.

I have 2 kids and it's 50/50 between them. One may have 10 kids, the other none but it's still 50/50 from me.

Wills being out the worst in people. Most of the detail, such as who lives where and how often they visit and phone, is irrelevant.

Imagine if your sibling was one of the Radfords with 22 or whatever children! 50/50 to the children is the only fair way.

You’re Sue right?

We were in a similar position. FIL went 50/50 in the end. Meant siblings aren’t as close as they were, now.

Nothing you can do, let dad make his own choice.

Hope when your sister passes she leaves her inheritance to your children, if she has no children of her own.

Dad can do what he wants with his money. His kids sound awful. You're allowed to feel annoyed about how it's distributed as it's nothing more than an emotion, but the minute you verbalise it or act on it, you're an arsehole in my honest opinion.

It felt like he was being rewarded because his family was receiving 5/7 of this amount. She had also made some mention of my brother needing the money more than I do - he didn't, he is no worse off than I am, but in any case, you never know what is going to happen to people in the future.

However, when my parents died, they had left their estate divided equally between my brother and me. It comforted me at the end - their will was their last message to us and it showed that they loved us equally.

Totally understand this, @kittylion2 Money & wills can feel like a sign of family regard.

And if people are castigating Anne for being "grabby" then so is Sue in arguing for her DC to have the same inheritance as from their grandmother.

We were in a similar position. FIL went 50/50 in the end. Meant siblings aren’t as close as they were, now.

So @Anewuser am I reading you correctly - you don't think it was fair that your FiL divided his estate equally between his children? And now your DH is distanced from his siblings? Is that correct?

It should always be left directly to the children in my opinion. Unless each child has exactly the same number of children of similar ages and no plans to have anymore, one family is always going to get more than another.

However, with the twins obvious greed and entitlement to their grandfathers money, I'd be tempted to leave their share to the cars home.

I think the Dad should spend it ALL now as he sees fit, spoiling them if he wants, but not leaving anything for them to fight over.

I don’t understand the Mumsnet obsession with children inheriting equally especially in situations like this where one child is providing a lot of care for the widowed parent and the other lives at a distance and rarely visits.