Do I have a right to be annoyed?

[somewhatmiffed]

Two sisters
Anne - 55 years old, single, owns a house with 120k outright, works 30 hours a week,
Sue- 42 years old married with 3 kids, two are now adults one is a child and severely disabled. Have a mortgaged house £150k. Works very part time due to youngest needs.

When their mum died she left her share in the the house to their dad and bequeathed money to Anne and sue (50k each ) and each the grand kids (20k each) The adult twins got their money direct, the younger child's money went in a account for him. The twins were 18 at the time so they bought driving lessons/cars and did a gap year travelling plus some designer hoodies.

Dad has a mirror will so when he dies his children get 50k each, grand kids 20k each. The house has been left to Anne and Sue and any remaining funds will also go to them.

Anne has at times expressed annoyance at this seeing it as Sue getting 60k more. She feels it should be split 50/50 and then Sue give from her share.

Recently dad mentioned changing his will so it's split 50:50 to Sue and Anne. He asked Sue what she thought, she said it's his money , his choice but the twins would probably be upset as they have been previously told about the inheritance (by their grandmother)

Sue knows that Anne has been saying something as it's not something dad would just think of.

Also to mention Anne lives other side of country and visits 3 times a year. (Although does ring weekly) Sue cares for her dad - shopping/paying bills etc. visits a couple times a week, grandchildren probably see him around once a month.

Is Sue right to be annoyed for the Will is changed?

What?
Horrid thing to say

I believe equal split between children is best, excluding any children being disabled or needing life long care.

If children choose to pass some/all of this to their own children then that is their choice.

Rightly or wrongly, it lessens any possibility of ill feeling between siblings to split inheritance equally)

Money grabbing at its finest. They both my get zilch depending on circumstances upon his death.

No one gets 60k more. He has thought about his grandchildren.

My mum got power of attorney and managed to cut me out of my grandparents will. I was their carer, I was 17 nearly 18 when my nan started showing signs of dementia and grandads health was deteriorating so I wasn't old enough to get POA. I did all their shopping and I visited then daily and sorted out bills etc. My mum visited maybe every 3 months. When she found out I was in the will she went ballistic with her now ex husband (my 2nd step dad) went to their house, ransacked it and found it and then she 'sorted' it.

Anyway, I didn't care. She spent most of their money before they died anyway. However, they had a brand new sofa bed that they promised me as I was planning to move out of home.

My mum knew I was to have it. She sold it for £50 and offered me the £50 'for my trouble'. I said no thanks. A few years later I went No contact with her for about 7 years. I got back I to contact earlier this year. Still just as selfish and tunnel visioned as ever.

When my siblings and I give gifts to each other’s children the ones with more children ‘get more’. Except they don’t. Because the children are separate human beings and their aunts and uncles have a separate relationship with them.
I am a big fan of skipping a generation these days when young adults often need more financial help than their middle aged parents.

Anne is a greedy money grabbing cow. X

I agree I don't begrudge giving gifts to my nieces even though I technically spend more than they do on mine.

My sis also dislikes that ddad gives us all £100 at Xmas and birthdays. She feels it should be per family and she should get £500. I think she genuinely doesn't recognise I don't get to keep my kids money it's theirs. Or maybe she feels like she's losing out because I had kids and we would probably get more at birthdays if it was just me and her.

But your share will then be more and you can gift your children from it

I think a smaller sum to grandchildren and then the rest split between children is a perfectly fair and normal way to write a will. It's the way my grandparents wrote theirs, as has my mum and I imagine I will too when I have grandchildren.

Grandchildren are separate people in their own right, not subsets of their parents and I think Anne is wrong to feel hard done by and very very wrong to put pressure on your dad.

But you would be wrong to put pressure on him to change it back, so what are you going to do. Personally, I'd give my DC the intended sums from my own share.

"My sis also dislikes that ddad gives us all £100 at Xmas and birthdays. She feels it should be per family and she should get £500. I think she genuinely doesn't recognise I don't get to keep my kids money it's theirs. Or maybe she feels like she's losing out because I had kids and we would probably get more at birthdays if it was just me and her."

Wow your Dsis actually sounds a bit unhinged to begrudge her nieces and nephews £100 per year, feels like it's about more than the money.

Her branch yes, but not Sue herself. She can’t touch any money left to her kids.

I already don't like Anne

So Anne is pissed off because her nieces and nephews are being left something in their grandparents will is the short and long of it. I think Anne is incredibly mean spirited and selfish and needs to get a grip.

I’ve just remembered when dsis approached my parents with the plan that they should make a will and leave their money six ways: one part each for her, bil and three dcs, and one to me…. I was 17 at the time at school! Df laughed her all the way down the drive. (Dm I can imagine could have been persuaded ☹️ )

He's still alive. Just stop it.

As the sibling that does most of the care for my elderly parents, I disagree. It isn't transactional and I wouldn't want any recognition of it in the will. What I do for my mum and dad now has nothing to do with what happens to their assets after they die. I'm not doing any of it for the sake of saving on care costs!

Anne is wrong. It's up to the dad and the dad alone what he does with his money, and asking him to change his will is grabby and actually quite horrid behaviour.

If one of my kids came to me and told me to change my will because they thought it wasn't fair I'd end up leaving the lot to charity.

My sis also dislikes that ddad gives us all £100 at Xmas and birthdays. She feels it should be per family and she should get £500. I think she genuinely doesn't recognise I don't get to keep my kids money it's theirs. Or maybe she feels like she's losing out because I had kids and we would probably get more at birthdays if it was just me and her.

I can see her point but it's just the way it is. My father gives each family member £100 at Xmas. My brother, his wife and their 4 children get £600 in total. I am single and have 2 children so we get £300 in total. On paper it looks unfair but in reality each family member receives exactly the same amount of money.

Tbf he asked her opinion.

Her response seems more than reasonable, esp as the GP had previously broached this with the twins.

family money

Wtf? This attitude is grotesque.

It's the Dad's money.

Anne has no moral or legal right to it.

I feel like I'd have a lot more sympathy to the twins in this situation if they hadn't already spent part of an inheritance on a gap year and designer hoodies. That's lovely but I think it's a bit ridiculous to suggest they really need this extra inheritance when those were their priorities. (And yes, I had access to money at 18 myself - I didn't touch it until I bought a house nearly 10 years later). Also ridiculous to bring in the fact Anne's house in unmortgaged - having children is expensive and she obviously hasn't had that expense! It was Sue's decision to have children and enjoy watching them grow up, but that comes at a financial cost.

'Anne and Sue' both sound like pair of vultures who can't wait for their poor dad to die, to be honest.

You missed the bit about driving lessons and cars. Which sounds like a very sensible use of the money.

Also I'm not sure 'need' comes into this. None of them need the money.

If I were Anne's Dad I think I would tell her not to be so bloody ungrateful and that if she keeps on whinging she won't be getting anything. Not her place at all to say how the money is split.

In the grand scheme of things don't waste energy getting annoyed over it.

I think Anne and Sue should keep their opinions to themselves. It's their fathers money and for him to distribute as he sees fit. No one has a 'right' to someone else's money.
I personally agree with giving some to the grandchildren as I think it helps them to get on in life, be it driving lessons, University, flat deposit etc. Leaving it to adult children who are already in their 50s/60s and have property etc while 'fair' just seems to leave money in the hands of the older generation who perhaps need it less.
I never inherited from any of my relatives, my mum and Dad inherited in their 70s and it's in the bank. Meanwhile the Grandkids are scrimping and saving for small flats, driving crappy first cars, paying off student loans.

Anne is a stone cold bitch for trying to badger her father into changing his will in her favour.

The grandchildren are individuals with their own relationships with their grandfather. It’s perfectly reasonable they be left bequests as individuals. That isn’t “going to Sue” in any way.

It is fair that Sue and Anne have equal bequests. It is also fair that, aside from that, other people are left bequests as suits the one whose money this is anyway.

That can be grandchildren, dog’s homes, the neighbours’s cat, Elon bloody Musk. Whoever he likes.