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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do I have a right to be annoyed?

157 replies

somewhatmiffed · 24/07/2024 15:49

Two sisters
Anne - 55 years old, single, owns a house with 120k outright, works 30 hours a week,
Sue- 42 years old married with 3 kids, two are now adults one is a child and severely disabled. Have a mortgaged house £150k. Works very part time due to youngest needs.

When their mum died she left her share in the the house to their dad and bequeathed money to Anne and sue (50k each ) and each the grand kids (20k each) The adult twins got their money direct, the younger child's money went in a account for him. The twins were 18 at the time so they bought driving lessons/cars and did a gap year travelling plus some designer hoodies.

Dad has a mirror will so when he dies his children get 50k each, grand kids 20k each. The house has been left to Anne and Sue and any remaining funds will also go to them.

Anne has at times expressed annoyance at this seeing it as Sue getting 60k more. She feels it should be split 50/50 and then Sue give from her share.

Recently dad mentioned changing his will so it's split 50:50 to Sue and Anne. He asked Sue what she thought, she said it's his money , his choice but the twins would probably be upset as they have been previously told about the inheritance (by their grandmother)

Sue knows that Anne has been saying something as it's not something dad would just think of.

Also to mention Anne lives other side of country and visits 3 times a year. (Although does ring weekly) Sue cares for her dad - shopping/paying bills etc. visits a couple times a week, grandchildren probably see him around once a month.

Is Sue right to be annoyed for the Will is changed?

OP posts:
Jengnr · 26/07/2024 03:29

BettyBardMacDonald · 25/07/2024 21:08

Not per family/household, which is the point.

Any monies left to Sue's children fundamentally benefit Sue.

Sue’s children are people in their own right, not extensions of Sue.

Them being treated as such doesn’t ‘fundamentally benefit’ anybody but them.

Anne and Sue get the same. Other people who mean something to their parents also get something.

Leanmeansmitingmachine · 26/07/2024 07:24

I’m confused with all the ages and situations here.

somewhatmiffed · 26/07/2024 08:17

A mix of responses some agree with me some not. Many find the discussion distasteful (I agree)

I don't think I've done anything wrong I've never raised the subject. Mum and dad told us when they did their wills. When Anne raised it with me (a few times over years ) I changed the subject as I strongly feel it's not our decision. The reason I think Anne has i fluenced dad is aside from him not really being proactive with stuff like that he has told me in the past she has spoken to him about it.

I think it's more the her trying to manage the situation to better herself that bothers me. Some people mentioned Anne's retirement as a factor and I agree that may be the case. She hasn't worked much over the past 15 years or so. Preferring to live off her rental income and do volunteering. So I'm guessing her pension is pretty poor. That may be a factor for her. She does have her house which she owns out right but she may want to live in that or buy a different property.

I do feel dad shouldn't have told the kids he was giving them it if he felt he didn't want them to have it. It's not nice to say I'm going to gift this to you and then change your mind. I suspect it will leave the older two feeling a bit rejected. I just wish they hadn't said anything in the first place.

But as I said dad's choice and I will respect it. Thanks for all the responses.

OP posts:
MargaretThursday · 26/07/2024 09:13

As your concern is only that your DC may feel bad, the obvious answer is for you to ask your dad to take the children's share out of yours.

You are then only £30k down out of what you expected, which is the same amount down you think Anne's being mean/grasping about.

somewhatmiffed · 26/07/2024 10:24

MargaretThursday · 26/07/2024 09:13

As your concern is only that your DC may feel bad, the obvious answer is for you to ask your dad to take the children's share out of yours.

You are then only £30k down out of what you expected, which is the same amount down you think Anne's being mean/grasping about.

That's brilliant you're right they don't need to know. Dad could either keep them in the Will but reduce my amount or I could just give them the money Thank you so much 😊

OP posts:
Mmhmmn · 26/07/2024 10:48

Tessabelle74 · 24/07/2024 16:42

If you were my kids I'd be off on a booze filled world cruise until I died at sea

This is what I’m going to aspire to. Sod care homes and inheritance squabbles. Bring on the cocktails, cabin service and fine dining.

Don't let money corrupt your family life. It’s your dad’s decision to do what he thinks is best, whether you agree or not. You don’t want to set a poor example to your children that families fall out over money - rise above it and hopefully Anne is happy with her slightly enhanced share. Whether you’re ‘right’ to be pissed off doesn’t matter - you just are and best to accept that and move on.

Katkins17 · 26/07/2024 11:09

His money...so totally his choice to do either what he wants with it.

I absolutely hate this fighting over a 'still living' parent's money...even before they're cold in their grave.

It's sick, entitled and putting the money before your parent.

My mum is in her 80's, not in good health, and says constantly words to the effect 'all this will be yours...'
I don't care....I'd rather she spent it now, makes her life more comfortable for herself and enjoys it.

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