Do I have a right to be annoyed?

[somewhatmiffed]

Two sisters
Anne - 55 years old, single, owns a house with 120k outright, works 30 hours a week,
Sue- 42 years old married with 3 kids, two are now adults one is a child and severely disabled. Have a mortgaged house £150k. Works very part time due to youngest needs.

When their mum died she left her share in the the house to their dad and bequeathed money to Anne and sue (50k each ) and each the grand kids (20k each) The adult twins got their money direct, the younger child's money went in a account for him. The twins were 18 at the time so they bought driving lessons/cars and did a gap year travelling plus some designer hoodies.

Dad has a mirror will so when he dies his children get 50k each, grand kids 20k each. The house has been left to Anne and Sue and any remaining funds will also go to them.

Anne has at times expressed annoyance at this seeing it as Sue getting 60k more. She feels it should be split 50/50 and then Sue give from her share.

Recently dad mentioned changing his will so it's split 50:50 to Sue and Anne. He asked Sue what she thought, she said it's his money , his choice but the twins would probably be upset as they have been previously told about the inheritance (by their grandmother)

Sue knows that Anne has been saying something as it's not something dad would just think of.

Also to mention Anne lives other side of country and visits 3 times a year. (Although does ring weekly) Sue cares for her dad - shopping/paying bills etc. visits a couple times a week, grandchildren probably see him around once a month.

Is Sue right to be annoyed for the Will is changed?

So yes I'm Sue. To clear up a few points-

I have never raised the topic of the Will with dad. Mum and dad told me, my sister and my boys the plans for inheritance just before mum died. It gave mum a lot of comfort to know finances were sorted and she was adamant we were to receive our inheritance from her when she died (partly incase dad remarried)

Anne has discussed the will with me in the past (saying it's unfair we get more than her) and dad has mentioned before Anne said to him she felt it unfair grand kids inherit from 'her share' So I'm fairly confident this change of heart from dad has come from her. I have not discussed it with Anne at all.

My boys are not 'grabby' they were told at 18 years old by their grandma they would shortly inherit 20k each and receive another 20k later down the line. I did make a point of explaining that anything could happen and they may not get the money. When I said they would be hurt it was more about the change of heart than the money. If it had never been said to them in the first place it would matter far less.

I guess it has bothered me because my sister is actually financially more comfortable than us. My disabled son will need life long support which is me and dh and eventually my twin boys. It feels mean that she's trying to change dad's mind to better her position at the expense of my children.

I agree it's dad's choice and nothing to do with us.

I think 50/50 to children is fairest. The grandchildren already have got a decent sum from the grandmother.

And if people are castigating Anne for being "grabby" then so is Sue in arguing for her DC to have the same inheritance as from their grandmother.

agree.

I guess it has bothered me because my sister is actually financially more comfortable than us. My disabled son will need life long support which is me and dh and eventually my twin boys. It feels mean that she's trying to change dad's mind to better her position at the expense of my children.

Most people who don’t have dc are better off because dc are expensive. Do you think your disabled son should receive more inheritance than your other dc? DH is the only one of his siblings with dc, it would never cross my mind that our dc would get some inheritance.

My dad gave all his money to a Dogs' Home (not Battersea) and left his house to a neighbour who looked after him.

I would quite like not to be in the financial crisis I'm in now, but what he did with his money/property was entirely up to him.

my sister is actually financially more comfortable than us

Yes people who have no children generally are.

She might argue that your choice to have children mean that you and your children are going to ultimately benefit at her expense.

Squabbling over your dead dad's money...while he's still alive.

Agree

Anne is right. Why should she be done out of family money because her sister chose to dilute her own resources by having kids?

Parents should always split the estate equally among children regardless of the children's life choices.

It's not Anne's fault that Sue had kids, either.

Sue's branch of the family is getting more. It's not fair.

Why should she remain silent and get screwed over, again?

I bet if dad decided to favour Anne by 60k this time, Sue would have something to say about it.

Why do you think your choice to produce children should affect Anne? Did she get any say in the matter?

Just because she is comfortable doesn't mean her life wouldn't be enhanced by a fair inheritance. Should she sacrifice because of choices you and your DH made? Do you think there is some limit to how "comfortable" childfree people should be allowed before their assets get reassigned to the childed?

You already got a great deal more. Why didn't your twins set aside their share to care for their sibling instead of frittering it away??

It feels mean that she's trying to change dad's mind to better her position at the expense of my children.

It was pretty obvious you are Sue in this scenario. Why should Anne receive less than you and your children?

You are trying to better your children’s position at the expense of your sister.

Your subsequent posts make me agree with Anne much more.

Fairest is to divide the inheritance between Sue and Anne and then Sue can choose how to divide it amongst her offspring . Anme is getting less due to Sue's life choices and that is not right

Both sisters and twins sound grsbby. Let's hope dd never has care fees. My relative is currently paying £7,000 a month. That would soon burn through any potential inheritance.

This is why you don't leave money to grandchildren in your will. You split the amount evenly among your children and then they can gift money to their children if they wish. Any other system leaves somebody upset.

Sometimes I am so glad not to have anything worth arguing over ro leave ro anybody. At least I know my sons and daughters love me for who and what I am not for how much I will leave them.

And when my parents died neither myself or my siblings gave a flying fuck about inheritance. We would have gladly swapped the lot ro spend another day with parents

It is up to the dad, but I agree with Anne’s approach. Money should go down each path in equal amounts.

split equally between children and then that amount can be further subdivided to allocate portions to any grandchildren belonging to the child.

It's interesting a lot of you agree with Anne. I didn't realise bequests to grandchildren were so unusual.

My mother shared her jewellery amongst us, grand kids and her friends. Some pieces were more expensive than others.

When my grandmother died she left me, my sister and our four cousins some money each and the rest was split between her three children. No one (that I'm aware) of complained And my sister certainly never said anything about unfairness then.

My aunt has left me and my sister something (although we don't know what)

In mine and my husbands wills we have left bequests to our two nieces.

I wasn't aware most people left everything to their children only. How straightforward most people's wills are.

As I said before it's dad's money and choice but I disagree with Anne influencing him. And I wish ihe and my mum had never discussed the will in the first place with their grandchildren if he's going to change his mind.

But you’re also trying to influence your father.

Do you think? I'll admit it took me by surprise when he brought it up so i possibly could have reacted better. I did say twins might be upset as they had been told about the inheritance. But then I said it's his money and choice and he should do what he wants.

Christ, can either of the allegedly adult sisters tell the dad to go blow the lot on heroin and gambling.
Ffs. The mans not dead.

If I were your dad I'd be changing Ann's share to goto the local cats home and leaving the rest the same.

Normally I would say it should be split equally, but here Sue is doing quite a lot of looking after of her DF.

Care homes and carers will eat up any savings in a blink of an eye, so I feel the support Sue is providing should be acknowledged somehow. If DF has to go into a home the money will be swallowed up within a few months, so the discussions may be somewhat irrelevant anyway.