To have told son I couldn’t go swimming as I have a period

[Bouliegirl]

This morning DS8 asked if we could go swimming. I told him no, as I have a period. But we could probably got at the weekend. He was happy enough and shuffled off

My MIL was horrified that I told him this and said that I shouldn’t be talking about periods with a male relative

He'll think that periods can stop you doing things. And he'll be right.

He'll learn the ins and outs of it later on because he has a mum who talks about periods with him.

I imagine at this point OP is completing a tapestry for his bedroom saying Son - SOME women CAN swim while on their period 🙄

My dear girl, from my first period at age 12 and every month thereafter I felt sick as a dog, my head spun so I could hardly focus, I would sometimes faint and the stomach pains literally doubled me over. I also bled heavily through all protection and frequently had blood running down my leg and staining my clothes. It was all I could do to drag my sorry arse to work but as a single parent back in the 80's I had no choice. I'm now 67 so obviously long past all that, thank fuck. If you have never experienced the same shit show that I and the OP have, then kindly keep your "helpful" suggestions to yourself.

What? Why on earth not? I think you should introduce children to this stuff as young as possible. They take it completely in their stride and it's completely normal for them, as it should be.

I did not want my DS to become one of those men who were weird about periods and period products so was very open about it all from the off. He came in the toilet with me all the time as a child even when I was on my period and I just explained it to him very matter of factly as needed.

Periods are not disgusting or weird and don't need to be hidden. Gives children completely the wrong message to be coveting them up like they are something to be ashamed of.

OP do us a favour and go and say to DS that some women can.

Just to shut a certain person up.

What? Why on earth not? The sooner that children are in possession of basic facts about bodily functions the better.

@AllProperTeaIsTheft

thats crap!! I'm sorry it's spoiling your holiday, I'd be gutted not to be swimming!!

Yes, there is. The sooner kids learn that adult bodies are different from children's bodies the better. It also teaches boys empathy from an early age, which is sorely lacking with a lot of adult men.

I didn't learn about periods till was 11 and I was horrified. I had no idea and I was very unhappy with the idea and hoped mine would stay away for a long time. I was even more sad when I finally got one. I could have done with making periods normal long before that time.

I could also have done without the bullying from boys in my high school before I even got my period. That made me feel even worse.

just seems like feeding him inaccurate info from the get go

it would have been NO extra effort or time to say that “I can’t because my periods are too heavy for me to swim today”

It’s much easier to first talk about periods, bodies, how babies are made with small children than teenagers: they aren’t embarrassed about it.

What a load of rubbish. If she'd said 'I can't go to the shops because I have a headache', do you think her ds would assume for the rest of his life that it's impossible to go to the shops if you have a headache? Or... just maybe he will learn that people are individuals and experience all kinds of things in different ways. Perhaps we should all be adding 'Individual cases may vary' after everything we say, like the disclaimers on the end of adverts

seriously

that is your analogy

How many years? An 8 year old could have girls in his class starting their periods. A 10 year old definitely will.

OP yadnbu! My parents were very much of the "poor delicate men must never hear anything period-related" type and all it meant was that when I was a young teen with painful, heavy periods, I also had to deal with trying to hide this fact and living with the shame of it, so as not to alert my dad to it. I now feel so sad for younger me - how much better my life would have been if I could have gone to my dad and told him I was in pain and asked for paracetamol/ hot water bottle/time off school.

Men who have grown up like the OP's son will have no such issues and will therefore be excellent husbands and fathers of daughters as it will just be totally normal for them. No taboo, just sympathy and understanding. Determined to make sure my son understands too (he's currently only 1 but is often present when I change my tampon as he follows me everywhere. I'll explain to him in simple terms if/when he asks).

are headaches unique to women?

Has he probably had a headache and got over one before?

Why on earth not? Women's bodies and their functions are not taboo.

Yeah - there's no way I would go swimming on a period. Far too heavy for the first 3 days. The 'you can go swimming on your period' brigade are very fortunate, (and narrow minded and ignorant!)

@Bouliegirl There was nothing wrong with what you said to your son. Your mum - and some posters on here appear to have grown up in Victorian times.

I don’t have endo. The first/last day off my period I can get away with swimming with a tampon but on the other days I can fill a 12 hour night pad in under an hour.

Thanks for suggesting my periods aren’t ‘normal’ though!

Some women have periods that mean they can do all the activities in a Nike advert and good on them but it doesn’t mean we should all just get on with it and shut up.

that some women CANNOT go swimming when they have their period?

Can we stop with the smug and stupid "I can go swimming so everyone else can."

It's infuriating when women are the first to minimise or downplay REAL problems. YOU can go swimming, well done you. So could I for many many years.

Then things change, now I can't. It's shit, and having experienced both situations, trust me, I know which one I'd prefer to be in.

Let's stop shaming young girls especially, some teenagers really CANNOT be in a swimsuit and in cold water, and they should never be judged, be insulted, accused of lying or being drama queen. Offer possible suggestions, some might work, some won't.

I've had endometriosis and I was exactly the same. The menopause can't come soon enough for me.

My son thinks farts are hilarious. But he’s not bothered one way or another about periods. He knows what they are, why they happen and that women and older girls get them.

oh good lord

you think i’m being smug?! 😆

I can’t swim when i have my period!

Exactly !
The saying - 'Until you've walked a mile in my shoes ' comes to mind !

Do you object because it makes sense and that's seemingly not allowed on this thread or....? 😂

I think there is nothing wrong with mentioning having periods, but I would not connect it with not swimming.

I am another one who couldn't go in a pool for the worst two days of her period.

You did the right thing making your son aware of periods and telling him the truth about why there's no swimming today.