To have told son I couldn’t go swimming as I have a period

[Bouliegirl]

This morning DS8 asked if we could go swimming. I told him no, as I have a period. But we could probably got at the weekend. He was happy enough and shuffled off

My MIL was horrified that I told him this and said that I shouldn’t be talking about periods with a male relative

I'm male so not qualified to engage in the discussion on whether you should swim or not. I will offer this though. I was brought up with my mum and older sisters being very open in discussions concerning periods and female sexual health in my presence. I think it set me up well to be a boyfriend, husband and father in that order. There's nothing woo or sinister about it for me and I haven't thought twice on the odd occasions when eg my wife or daughters have asked me to pick up sanitary products from the shops for them or when someone can't do a particular activity.

Isolating boys from "women's problems" does nobody any favours.

What is wrong with my analogy?

Well done you making periods normal to your boy. Yanbu and your mil is being silly.

Good to hear, and as a mother of sons, I agree.

They’ve never even slightly reacted if I ask them to buy me tampons and they discuss their girlfriend’s periods and support them.

I'm male so not qualified to engage in the discussion on whether you should swim or not.

It's not about whether you should swim. It's about whether you are or feel able to swim.

Your mum did amazing job.

Your mil is from the dark ages. Sons should learn about periods and women. The ones that created them and gave them life.

We are not a dirty secret. Choose to raise your son properly (and you are, good for you)

Of course it’s fine to tell your son you have your period. I can imagine my mil wouldn’t like it either 😆

I had too much trouble with tampons in high school so didn’t feel comfortable using them, therefore didn’t have swimming lessons when it was time of the month. Otherwise I could have, as my periods didn’t make me feel ill or uncomfortable.
It was nice to miss out on the freezing shower with the slippery base, though!

I agree with this, perfectly normal thing to tell him but I'm not sure why that stops you swimming and your son shouldn't be lead to believe it does.

Wow @Bouliegirl - all the posters with the gall to tell you that there is no reason why you can’t swim on your period without knowing anything about you.
Misogyny is so ingrained

I imagine that OP knows her own body and periods well enough to be able to say she can't swim on the day she was asked.

At no point did she say women can't swim on their periods. She said she couldn't on her period.

Given that she seems to be open with her son about the topic, it's likely that prior to now there's been conversations around the fact that her periods affect her in a specific way. So no further explanation is required on the day her son asked to go swimming, because he knows what that means for his mother.

During other conversations there's plenty of time for the topic of other women's periods. They may already have happened. They might happen soon, or a bit later. When OP feels appropriate.

Posters need to stop judging OP for one conversation with her son, as we do not know what other ones have been had.

Initially voted YABU because for me having a period rarely stopped me swimming but having read your subsequent posts @Bouliegirl I think YANBU. Did your dh know anything about periods when you met or had mil shielded him completely?!

but by perpetuating the myth that women can all do everything as normal while menstruating you create so much pressure for the many women and girls for whom this simply is not true. i bet ops son is more than capable of understanding that some women find it easy to go swimming on their period, some women cannot swim on their period and some women find it less enjoyable on their period but persevere.

Would anyone be this pedantic about someone saying "I can't go to the cinema - I have a headache" or "Sorry I can't go to the pub tonight - I broke my ankle"?. I went grocery shopping while having regular contractions and cooked two meals while in active labour, but I don't think that gives anyone the right to insist that women shouldn't use childbirth as an excuse to get out of cooking dinner.

Different people have different bodies, and there's no reason why a person should be expected to stick a smile on her face and ignore her pain, discomfort and bloodshed just because she has a uterus. Being told you can't do things if you on your period is shit, but so is being told that you have to do them regardless of the effects of your period.

I agree with this. It’s not like you’re going to be shark bait at the local swimming pool.

My comment was mainly because I couldn't figure out why so much of the conversation had degenerated to some women telling another woman whether or not her choice to swim on her period was reasonable. I was keeping myself out of that aspect of the thread.

Why do you feel so entitled to judge another woman on her personal choices?

Why are you you hitting me up with an argument that is pathetically pedantic at best and idiotic at worst? Google "rhetorical question" before you respond.

I don't understand why you wouldn't just use a tampon.

he was given a book about puberty and that was it.

when we first married he was really embarrassed to buy sanpro for me. But now he’s not bothered at all

There are lots of reasons why some women don’t use a tampon to go swimming:

they don’t like tampons
vaginismus
fear of toxic shock syndrome
they still leak through with heavy perioda
its the getting dressed afterwards that is really messy

none of these are relevant to the Aibu.

Bloody hell. I think it is so important to teach our sons that a period isn't 'gross' or whatever.

I have always been horribly embarrassed about mine, I find it so hard to talk about. But I have made a conscious effort to NOT cringe about it. So my son doesn't act like a knob, and so my daughter doesnt feel the way I did.

My mum was horrified that my niece left a pack of sanitary towels in the bathroom where her brother could see them.

She's in her 70s. Is your MIL a similar age?

You really cannot?!
If women who have periods cannot begin to empathise with other women then how can we expect to hold men to account? And I absolutely would not tolerate such a comment from a man.
What an utterly depressing series of comments on this thread.

And so what if OP said she can’t go swimming whilst on her period? She is absolutely not setting up her 8yo DS for a lifetime of failed understanding about periods based on this one comment. There is so much more for him to learn and he will, including that women, who want to and are able to, can swim on their periods, primarily because OP and her husband are open with him.

You'll find that I apologised, a few hours ago. I had not read the thread. Admitted it. Apologised.
Hoist by your own petard

It's silly. Why is what sanitary Towels are used for more disgusting than what toilet roll is used for? Or does she hide toilet rolls too?