Been told my child is very weird and childish

[Gee54]

I don’t know where to go from here. I got told by a mum in my daughters class that people say she’s very silly and weird. My daughter is 10 years old. How can I fix this? Where to start from? She’s the eldest of 3 kids. I don’t want this to continue into secondary school. Not first time I’ve realised this but hearing someone else say it has upset me. I e spoken to her school and her lovely teacher but they all say it’s slightly immaturity but as a summer born (August birthday) it has been seen in others too. School don’t think it’s anything to worry about and the SEN lead observed her a few months back and said she’s fine and doesn’t think it’s anything ND related. It’s just hearing the mum say this today has upset me.

What does this mean?

It’s possible to control your impulses and still end up with no friends, and vice versa.
The OP has talked to her DD about it but she is still saying it, which is relatively normal for kids to do anyway.
Hell, I know plenty of adults who were spoken to about inconsiderate or off putting behaviour who kept doing it.
At least when your brain isn’t fully developed yet, and there’s possible neurodivergence, it’s more understandable even if it’s not exactly ideal.

Yes we are volunteers. I’d try again. Some units closed in covid but it is thriving in lots of areas.
We honestly really try our best for all the girls and have some that are quirky or struggling socially and they really benefit.

www.girlguiding.org.uk/information-for-parents/register-a-child/

It was wrong of the lady to call your daughter silly and weird. However, I'd say that kind of behaviour in a ten year old is very strange and worrying. A NT 10 yo should probably simply be told that that's inappropriate and rude and she needs to stop it- but unless you've encouraged this in the past it's very odd that she would not have automatically picked up on the fact that this is unacceptable and alienating her from her peers?

Where is she academically/developmentally- is she at expected levels for English and Maths?

I'm in my 30s and find that funny tbh.

She's being herself, and by doing so will find kids with similar senses of humours etc instead of holding "weirdness" in and trying to fit in. This will just find her friends she has to put a front on for which is, in my opinion, pointless and exhausting.

I just wanted to say that you could be describing my daughter at that age. We also got the “summer birthday” and “she’s got lots of friends” from school and even a paediatrician said she didn’t have Aspergers.
secondary school was tough and she was diagnosed with Aspergers at 14.
I don’t want to worry you, but don’t necessarily take what professionals say as fact.
Now 29, my daughter really struggles with her mental health due to her time at school - bullying, not fitting in and not knowing why. She also struggled academically and only passed her Art GCSE, though she’d been assessed as having high average intelligence at age 6.
Keep an open mind and maybe do some reading about improving social skills.

Wow that mum sounds like a passive aggressive bitch. I would be livid if someone like her had criticised my kids.

It's not a bad thing to be a bit different & summer birthdays do often cause apparent immaturity. The school should be the ones to flag any concerns not some busybody in the playground.

I think most of us navigate a path between people that are our people and who get our weird and those where we are to a degree playing a part . Surely that is just life. I’m assuming the OPs child does have friends from the reference to close friends in her post . She may just need to navigate how to deal with those people who aren’t her people and aren’t going to invite her or include her . Some of that is building resilience for seniors

Is your DD having trouble making/keeping friends? There's a chapter in The Unwritten Rules of Friendship called "The Different Drummer" which includes kids whose behaviour seems silly/immature and offputting to other kids. The good thing about the book is that it has activities you can do to help DD get past it.

A child being childish? Shock horror

There’s child ish and there’s baby ish or toddler ish.

You wouldn’t expect most say 15 year olds to act like 10 year old or 10 year olds to act like 5 year olds.

I like poop hehe. Isn’t funny at 10 especially when you’ve been told it’s not ok.

Maybe an actual poop joke or hearing your teacher fart for the first time ever may be funny. But I like poop is something I’d firmly put in toddler/reception/year 1 at a push behaviour.

Yes what does “weird” actually mean!!?

We all know what it means and given OP’s update, it is a perfectly apt descriptor to use in this case.

I don’t think calling the mum names is helping it sounds like Op was expressing concerns to her about her daughter and the mum has finally said something. Surely it’s better to know now rather than no one saying anything. Easiest thing would be the mum to say nothing.
It’s really hard as often parents are so close and don’t see it.
At 10 they don’t have whole class parties it’s the invite 3 friends type of thing but it sounds like op’s dc is never invited.

It just sounds like she is creative, OP. She wants to entertain, so she says something she knows will shock people. Get her creative hobbies and outlets. Does she enjoy drama? Are there any performing arts groups or classes she can attend?

There are lots of ways to entertain people and it sounds like she could use some wider experience and encouragement with it.

What if she learned to recite poems for people, like “The Raven” by Edgar Allen Poe, or Shakespeare.

The Mum isn’t a bitch, she’s doing OP a favour. A good parent would want to know if other kids find their child weird because they’re saying things far below their age. ‘I like poop’ is something a 4 year old would say. If someone doesn’t care that their 10 year old is saying such odd things and that other kids think they’re strange because of it then the parent is the problem.

I think you would have had different responses had you included the fact the other mum wasn’t being unkind in your first post. It must have taken a lot for her to speak honestly to you about a sensitive subject.

I agree with the previous posters saying that this is not typical behaviour for a ten year old. I was shy and immature at that age, and with hindsight I can see that some guidance on behaviour/ fitting in with my classmates would have made the early years at secondary easier for me.

I know people have been saying that your daughter should ‘be herself’ and ‘she’ll find her tribe’ but it’s a lot easier at those pre-teen/ early teen ages to be able to fit in with your peers. If she’s already been left out in the last year or two at primary, I don’t think things would be easier in secondary.

I would look at DLD. It gets misdiagnosed a lot and many school staff are unaware.

Sounds like the other mum was a bit blunt but helpful.

The OP wants to know why her daughter is being left out and excluded, she now knows it is because other kids find her 'weird and childish'.

Yes, not nice to hear but better than not knowing what the problem is!

Schools are not experts in SEN. At all. It's not unusual for them not to see needs in primary, especially in girls.

I'd look at an assessment, yes. Speech and Language look at social interaction and ed psych to see if more is going on. If you want to PM me I can recommend excellent people, depending on where you are in the country.

Autism is a social communication and interaction disorder and presentation in able girls can be subtle. That doesn't mean any less miserable. Too many staff look for the obvious (can they make eye contact? Do they have weirdly unusual obsessions?) and miss the more common issues like intense emotions, social isolation, hurting peers's feelings without meaning to, obsessions that are on the face of them socially acceptable but pursued to a far greater extent, difficulty seeing "the bigger picture", giving too much info when asked for an answer. It's complicated and lots of parents with an older autistic child initially miss it in the second because they present so differently.

If I had a pound for every child whose parents were told by school SENCOs that they didn’t show any signs of ASD who ultimately received a diagnosis…
Clearly, there’s a social communication problem, and I think it would be doing your DD a huge disservice not to at least investigate that and help her to navigate friendships before she heads off to secondary.

not trying to sound like a cliche - but my own daughter has autism and I do see the signs in other children sometimes.

Not following social cues by 10 is unusual in girls particularly - as usually girls are incredibly driven to fit in socially (which is why a lot of autistic girls are not diagnosed until teens) -

So - not noticing or minding that other people are responding poorly/not liking your behaviour - is a sign of neurodiversity.

Obviuosly you would need other traits but sadly I would not presume the SENCO would notice. They don't see the minor/small things kids notice.

Agreed. My dd would find this annoying and off-putting and would probably avoid your dd. Your dc is not respecting her friends' boundaries. It's an inappropriate thing to say at that age. Why is she obsessed with poo? Have you told your dd that she shouldn't be saying this? Is she after a reaction, any reaction from others?

I think I’d go back to the SENDCO. It does sound quite unusual.