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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to kick them both out

251 replies

Absolutelyraging · 23/07/2024 00:06

It was agreed after discussion that DD could allow her bf to move in as long as he found full time work.
They both work, he full-time and dd part time.
They had started to pay towards the bills.

They had pre booked a holiday since last year and they went abroad for 2 weeks at start of July.

They returned totally skint, both having spent their entire wages during this holiday. It has meant that neither of them could afford fuel/ bus to get to work and back. They have no money for food and haven’t been able to pay towards the gas/ electricity or council tax. I don’t charge them rent as my mortgage is almost non existent now.
They have to wait to the end of the month to be paid again.

They both have ADHD so understand that impulsivity can play a part in budgeting but surely not on such a huge scale !?

He's had to borrow money off his family to fuel his car.
They live mainly on pasta dishes as it’s cheap.
I give DD the minimum to get to work and back and enough for a snack.

I’ve told DD that if it happens again she’ll have no job and bf will be asked to leave. His family are a couple of hours away so it was a long distance relationship for them.

Short of reading them the riot act, I don’t know what else to do but I’m absolutely livid !

They both say they’ve reflected on how this happened and say they got carried away.
Does anyone with an ounce of common sense get carried away to this extent?

If I did that we’d have no house to live in. Because no one would bail me out.

Well this is just a vent for a rant really but would be interesting to hear what others would do or if you’ve experienced this, how did you deal with it?

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 23/07/2024 00:09

I think that it is an overreaction to want to kick them out. They made a mistake and now can learn from it. Why are you so angry?

TwattyMcFuckFace · 23/07/2024 00:10

You don't say how old they are?

If they go away again, make sure they pay you before they go.

Original poster
Absolutelyraging · 23/07/2024 00:13

TwattyMcFuckFace · 23/07/2024 00:10

You don't say how old they are?

If they go away again, make sure they pay you before they go.

22 and 23

Yes I’ll make sure of that

OP posts:
MissingKitty · 23/07/2024 00:14

They’ve made a mistake, obviously not worth kicking them out over. Insist on money up front next month and move on

Ponderingwindow · 23/07/2024 00:15

I’d make them sit down with me and make a budget. It would include saving. Then I would expect them to show me that they are saving every month.

if they are going to act like children, they need supervision like children.

also, is your dd still in education? If not, why doesn’t she work full-time?

NuffSaidSam · 23/07/2024 00:17

It's not great obviously, but I think you're being a bit OTT. Get them to pay you for this month out of next month's pay.

kiana2015 · 23/07/2024 00:18

I do understand your frustration but I am exactly like those two, in the moment I can spend and not realise the impact until later, maybe you need to teach them budgeting and maybe explain how to ensure they can stretch their money, I've only just learned this myself at 30 I wish someone took the time with me

Sparrowball · 23/07/2024 00:25

Absolutelyraging · 23/07/2024 00:13

22 and 23

Yes I’ll make sure of that

Edited
Show quote history

Were you ever young?

At that age I blew through money, and certainly would have on a holiday. I don't have ADHD either.

Livinghappy · 23/07/2024 00:30

How much money did they spend? If they don't earn a lot then it's more understandable but I understand your annoyance as they are young adults so should be more prepared. Surely £50 between them both would have been easier to put by?

PaminaMozart · 23/07/2024 00:30

To all those who say they did/would have done the same - what would you have done if you had no one to bail you out?

They are not children. We were married at that age and the buck stopped with us.

StormingNorman · 23/07/2024 00:34

They’re young and impulsive and got carried away by the hedonism of young people holidays. They’ll remember to set some money aside for coming home next year! So lesson learned. I wouldn’t be too hard on them but I wouldn’t be too generous bailing them out either.

IsEveryUserNameBloodyTaken · 23/07/2024 00:37

I think you are being a little hard on them.

Lorelaigilmore88 · 23/07/2024 00:42

Massive overreaction

MumblesParty · 23/07/2024 00:42

kiana2015 · 23/07/2024 00:18

I do understand your frustration but I am exactly like those two, in the moment I can spend and not realise the impact until later, maybe you need to teach them budgeting and maybe explain how to ensure they can stretch their money, I've only just learned this myself at 30 I wish someone took the time with me

What was it that you needed someone to teach you? Surely you look at what expenses you’ll have - rent, petrol, bills, food, savings if possible etc - then deduct that from the amount of money you have. The amount you’re left with is the amount you can spend.

diktat · 23/07/2024 00:42

Could you at least send him to his parents? He’s knowingly come back to your home knowing he can’t pay you rent. Let his parents have half the burden.

BettyBardMacDonald · 23/07/2024 00:46

Massive overreaction. God, to feel young and carefree on holiday for a couple of weeks without returning to total buzzkill.

Many people make a serious financial misstep when they are young, and learn from it. No reason to be mean or punitive.

My parents would have laughed and advanced some money, not twisted the knife.

Sparrowball · 23/07/2024 00:46

PaminaMozart · 23/07/2024 00:30

To all those who say they did/would have done the same - what would you have done if you had no one to bail you out?

They are not children. We were married at that age and the buck stopped with us.

I would have worried about that when the time came.

The brain isn't fully developed until age 25, add in that this couple both have ADHD and are naturally impulsive.

Saying you were married at that age is akin to saying you walked to school barefoot in the rain. You can't put an old head on young shoulders and it's surely better that young adults enjoy their youth now rather than settling down so early. Who wants to be mentally middle-aged and sensible in their early 20s?

greenpolarbear · 23/07/2024 00:47

They are 22/23, not 17/18.

At that age people have got married, had kids, become millionaires, killed people in wars, can drink as adults everywhere in the world, bought houses, etc.

They know exactly how much money they had to spend, and they didn't care about spending it.

Actually when they're younger it's easier because no one is tempting them with Klarna, store cards, all kinds of things that will get them into more debt. I had a friend who went down this route, took her 10 years to pay off her debts and nothing to show for it as it all went on clothes etc. that had long gone.

ADHD is not an excuse.

I think what you've done is good, maybe buying them a book on budgeting or growing the fuck up would help too.

BettyBardMacDonald · 23/07/2024 00:48

Why are you "livid"??

It sounds like you are unhappy with the whole setup. Which is ok, but getting this worked up over a youthful financial fumble is rather OTT.

OhcantthInkofaname · 23/07/2024 00:48

kiana2015 · 23/07/2024 00:18

I do understand your frustration but I am exactly like those two, in the moment I can spend and not realise the impact until later, maybe you need to teach them budgeting and maybe explain how to ensure they can stretch their money, I've only just learned this myself at 30 I wish someone took the time with me

You only just learned and you are 30? So another payday millionaire!

Original poster
Absolutelyraging · 23/07/2024 00:48

Livinghappy · 23/07/2024 00:30

How much money did they spend? If they don't earn a lot then it's more understandable but I understand your annoyance as they are young adults so should be more prepared. Surely £50 between them both would have been easier to put by?

It sounds as if they didn’t have anything saved up although the accommodation was already paid for.

But I can’t my head around the amount they spent … for him around £1300 and her £1250
. For dd that’s her entire wage for a month. For bf it’s 2 weeks worth but had to wait another 2 weeks or so to be paid after returning.
They say they did own cooking much of the time.

Yes I was young once and would never have spent that !
I’ve worked since age 16 and usually would go on a shoestring at that age.
I would consider the potential problem of not being able to get to work ! Young or not, isn’t that irresponsible ?

OP posts:
BettyBardMacDonald · 23/07/2024 00:52

Spending 100 quid a day on holiday is not terribly outrageous.

Yes they should have been more prudent but FFS they didn't murder someone.

To be as seething as you are over youthful indiscretion would indicate something deeper going on.

SouthLondonMum22 · 23/07/2024 00:53

They are not small children. I would've reacted the same way.

One more chance is reasonable. More than old enough to know better.

Sparrowball · 23/07/2024 00:55

Absolutelyraging · 23/07/2024 00:48

It sounds as if they didn’t have anything saved up although the accommodation was already paid for.

But I can’t my head around the amount they spent … for him around £1300 and her £1250
. For dd that’s her entire wage for a month. For bf it’s 2 weeks worth but had to wait another 2 weeks or so to be paid after returning.
They say they did own cooking much of the time.

Yes I was young once and would never have spent that !
I’ve worked since age 16 and usually would go on a shoestring at that age.
I would consider the potential problem of not being able to get to work ! Young or not, isn’t that irresponsible ?

Show quote history

Drink and drugs, they probably ate out too and the rest they just blew.

They got home safely and the end of the month is now 8 days away.

PaminaMozart · 23/07/2024 01:00

So they spent £90 per person per day - even though accommodation had already been paid for and they hadn't saved up any spending money?

What the actual f..k!!

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