To want to kick them both out

[Absolutelyraging]

It was agreed after discussion that DD could allow her bf to move in as long as he found full time work.
They both work, he full-time and dd part time.
They had started to pay towards the bills.

They had pre booked a holiday since last year and they went abroad for 2 weeks at start of July.

They returned totally skint, both having spent their entire wages during this holiday. It has meant that neither of them could afford fuel/ bus to get to work and back. They have no money for food and haven’t been able to pay towards the gas/ electricity or council tax. I don’t charge them rent as my mortgage is almost non existent now.
They have to wait to the end of the month to be paid again.

They both have ADHD so understand that impulsivity can play a part in budgeting but surely not on such a huge scale !?

He's had to borrow money off his family to fuel his car.
They live mainly on pasta dishes as it’s cheap.
I give DD the minimum to get to work and back and enough for a snack.

I’ve told DD that if it happens again she’ll have no job and bf will be asked to leave. His family are a couple of hours away so it was a long distance relationship for them.

Short of reading them the riot act, I don’t know what else to do but I’m absolutely livid !

They both say they’ve reflected on how this happened and say they got carried away.
Does anyone with an ounce of common sense get carried away to this extent?

If I did that we’d have no house to live in. Because no one would bail me out.

Well this is just a vent for a rant really but would be interesting to hear what others would do or if you’ve experienced this, how did you deal with it?

This.
they're still young.. you have high expectations imo. I think kicking them out is an overreaction. Are you worried about money? I can’t think why you would be so angry about this one month. Maybe you don’t really want them there??

I would just tell them they need to pay for you this month and next when they get paid… then mistakes happen you need to save towards your spending money next time and I won’t bail you out for fuel again

OP, I don’t know that you’re doing them a favour not charging them rent- if you took it from them and saved it for them, they’d have something towards a deposit for when they eventually move out - I assume you’re not intending that they should still be living with you into their forties! I would be fuming if my DC blew all their money to the point that they couldn’t get to work - it’s so irresponsible, and I think in threatening to chuck them out, you have made them understand that. To all those saying how unreasonable you are, there’s a world of difference between threatening something and doing it, but I do think these young people need a bit of a wake-up call about money management and being responsible.

WHy does your DD only work part time?

I think you need to sit them down and budget with them.

I don't think your doing them any favours by letting them live rent free, do they contribute to bills etc?

I'd start charging them rent. Even if you don't actually need it, if you really don't need it put it into a savings account for them.

I would counter comments that suggest working part-time (unless there is a fundamental reason eg unpaid caring responsibilities) is a reasonable 'life- work' balance.

People in the UK, in fact, lead a privileged life.

For example, no matter how much one might criticise the means, nobody need starve or drink unclean water. Everybody receives a good education, generally issues like law and order or medical care are at the top end of world rankings.

It is therefore an obligation to make the best of one's ability to work and contribute the maximum amount of tax to take care of those in need.

Pair of piss taking idiots. I have adhd, my dad died when I was a teen and my mum was an alcoholic, I had no choice BUT to budget because I had no one, litetally no one, to bail me out financially. They spent everything because they know mummy will just pay for bills etc.

Gosh they're only young. Let it go and pick your battles, only person this is eating up is you.

Let your DD stay but tell the bf that he needs to go back to his parents or find a house share.

"They're still young" 😂

They're adults. FFS. So many excuses used for people these days in the West, it's insane.

Just let them learn from this mistake. A month of struggling will help them learn rather than being chucked out. My dd has ASD and ADHD and we’ve had similar struggles with financial issues

I wouldn't alllow any boyfriends or girlfriends to live with me, ever. That way madness lies. I have no time to parent someone else's kids. I'd tell him to find a house share or go back home.

I remember getting in that situation when I was their age. Next time I went away I made sure to leave enough cash behind to get by when I returned. It was the 90s though.

And then how do they pay next months money? Or is it pay 2 lots in one go?

For everyone saying what’s all the fuss about- it’s just money- they’re only young
some people just don’t have the spare cash to sub other adults (even if one of them is their kid)
If the OP is supporting a household on her income alone that’s tough enough without extra expenses
some people don’t learn to do it any different unless it’s made really clear to them

You are overrating; they still have to pay you for the bills, even if they pay you later, split it over a few months and your daughter pay you what you lend her. That’s the way they will learn

So a landlord will be perfectly happy if you don't pay your rent because you overspent? The supermarket looks ets you take food for free? Not everyone in their 20s lives with Mummy and Daddy subsiding them. As a PP mentioned they were married at that age

Don't give them anything except perhaps free board, as you are already doing. If you bail them out they'll never learn, ADHD or not. They're not teenagers, they're working adults. Going forward, charge them board and make sure they pay their share of the bills before spending the cash on 'fun'.

I think they were totally irresponsible. They earn good wages, why haven’t they saved up more . They knew you would bail them out . They are not kids , they are adults FFS . Too many excuse them as being too young , pffffft . Anyway, hopefully it’s a once only and you won’t have to always bail her out because of feckless spending.

No harm done this time but they need to learnthe lesson now as this sort of regular over spending can build up to be a bigger issue as they get older.

Most people don't get in to debt due to a big one off issue but through years and years of spending beyond their means. They need to learn this now and in future save for holiday spending.

What I tend to do is put my holiday spending money in to a separate Monzo account opened for that purpose so I can keep a track of spending.

Also as people have pointed out many of at that age were renting privately and did not have parents able to bail us out. If I had done that it would have been walking to work and a difficult conversation with my landlord and British Gas.

This is what would happen in the real world, if you're lucky and they don't add on charges too.

Where did they go? The amount they’ve spent is a lot unless they went somewhere that was expensive.

It looks like they’ve learnt their lesson. Move on and be kind. Encourage them to save for a house deposits or rent.

I’ve had no option but to bail them out otherwise I’d have 2 unemployed people living with me.
I give basic food and fares/ some petrol money.
Until they get paid again.

Being taken for granted by 2 adults and pp are right in that I have my own life to budget for.
I’m divorced and earn a moderate wage so between them they probably earn more than me.

They're 22 and 23, that's old enough to understand financial responsibility, ADHD or not.