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Original poster

To want to kick them both out

251 replies

Absolutelyraging · 23/07/2024 00:06

It was agreed after discussion that DD could allow her bf to move in as long as he found full time work.
They both work, he full-time and dd part time.
They had started to pay towards the bills.

They had pre booked a holiday since last year and they went abroad for 2 weeks at start of July.

They returned totally skint, both having spent their entire wages during this holiday. It has meant that neither of them could afford fuel/ bus to get to work and back. They have no money for food and haven’t been able to pay towards the gas/ electricity or council tax. I don’t charge them rent as my mortgage is almost non existent now.
They have to wait to the end of the month to be paid again.

They both have ADHD so understand that impulsivity can play a part in budgeting but surely not on such a huge scale !?

He's had to borrow money off his family to fuel his car.
They live mainly on pasta dishes as it’s cheap.
I give DD the minimum to get to work and back and enough for a snack.

I’ve told DD that if it happens again she’ll have no job and bf will be asked to leave. His family are a couple of hours away so it was a long distance relationship for them.

Short of reading them the riot act, I don’t know what else to do but I’m absolutely livid !

They both say they’ve reflected on how this happened and say they got carried away.
Does anyone with an ounce of common sense get carried away to this extent?

If I did that we’d have no house to live in. Because no one would bail me out.

Well this is just a vent for a rant really but would be interesting to hear what others would do or if you’ve experienced this, how did you deal with it?

OP posts:
stayathomer · 23/07/2024 01:10

To be honest I’d be saying they’re both young, we were all young once and all took holidays that we paid off however we could and were skint afterwards. Fair enough if you simply don’t want them there anymore as it’s always tough living together like that but otherwise I’d say you just remind them you can’t always bail them out (but do help them if you can!)

stayathomer · 23/07/2024 01:15

PaminaMozart
To all those who say they did/would have done the same - what would you have done if you had no one to bail you out?

They are not children. We were married at that age and the buck stopped with us.
But they do have someone who can help. That was your decision to get married young. We did too compared to people we knew (26 and no regrets but had to be done)

ThatMauveSnake · 23/07/2024 01:19

Two young adults with ADHD did a budgeting fuckup. Your reaction seems extreme.

Firefly1987 · 23/07/2024 01:23

Oh dear that rather put a dampener on their holiday memories didn't it. I don't think it's a big deal, presuming you will make sure DD pays you back, you sound like a stickler for that. Anything else would be overkill-actually your reaction so far already was overkill. All depends on what they spent the money on as well surely? Perhaps they didn't realise how expensive everything was out there.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 23/07/2024 01:25

They missed one month of their bills. Adults do this and then get charged a late payment fee. So maybe charge them that to make a point

But when 2 young people who apparently are normally good at paying their way normally have a slip up, going straight to "kicking them out" is OTT.

And to the PP asking about why PT - I know MN hates PT work but if she can afford her living expenses whilst working PT then why not? We shouldn't be competing to "out work" each other and sneering at those who have found a balance in life

MrsSunshine2b · 23/07/2024 01:31

Absolutelyraging · 23/07/2024 00:48

It sounds as if they didn’t have anything saved up although the accommodation was already paid for.

But I can’t my head around the amount they spent … for him around £1300 and her £1250
. For dd that’s her entire wage for a month. For bf it’s 2 weeks worth but had to wait another 2 weeks or so to be paid after returning.
They say they did own cooking much of the time.

Yes I was young once and would never have spent that !
I’ve worked since age 16 and usually would go on a shoestring at that age.
I would consider the potential problem of not being able to get to work ! Young or not, isn’t that irresponsible ?

Show quote history

It is irresponsible but it's really easy to overspend on holiday, especially when the currency is different and you're in a touristy place which marks things up.

I would let it go this time.

Firefly1987 · 23/07/2024 01:41

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 23/07/2024 01:25

They missed one month of their bills. Adults do this and then get charged a late payment fee. So maybe charge them that to make a point

But when 2 young people who apparently are normally good at paying their way normally have a slip up, going straight to "kicking them out" is OTT.

And to the PP asking about why PT - I know MN hates PT work but if she can afford her living expenses whilst working PT then why not? We shouldn't be competing to "out work" each other and sneering at those who have found a balance in life

Exactly, adults twice their age fuck up, it happens. Although I'm sure OP never has! You cover what they need, have a rant at them and then let it go, surely. They've more than got the message and won't be making the same mistake again I think!

Willyoujustbequiet · 23/07/2024 01:58

ThatMauveSnake · 23/07/2024 01:19

Two young adults with ADHD did a budgeting fuckup. Your reaction seems extreme.

This

You are seriously underestimating the impact ADHD has on some people OP.

Galoop · 23/07/2024 02:09

Don't blame it on ADHD, they're just irresponsible. Kicking them out is quite extreme though. This might seem like an obvious question, but have you ever showed her about budgeting etc? They both appear to lack this basic knowledge

PoopedAndScooped · 23/07/2024 02:15

You learn from your mistakes right

They have hopefully learnt a valuable lesson

vodkaredbullgirl · 23/07/2024 02:25

About time you charged them, they will need to learn to budget.

Original poster
Absolutelyraging · 23/07/2024 02:28

Thank you all for your replies, even the sarky ones !

I am bailing them on a daily basis without making it an issue. I don’t go on about it all the time.

There is no deeper issue as some of you suggest .

DD and her bf are actually lovely , usually quite considerate and we all get on well. Sometimes it’s good to have a rant and put things in writing and to get a feel of what others think. So this has been helpful.

I certainly haven’t been ranting at dd and the bf. Reading back my initial post I can understand how some of you think I have. Yes they made a blunder but I’m letting it go. But it doesn’t mean I should ignore my feelings and MN is a great way of venting those feelings.

No I won’t be asking for the money back @Firefly1987 and I’m not a “ stickler” for anything whatever that means lol 😂

OP posts:
PosingPosture20 · 23/07/2024 02:40

At that age there were a handful of times when dh and I blew through our wages with an expensive weekend away or luxury item, then lived off plain pasta for the next three weeks. Literally just plain cheapest pasta, not even money for a tin of beans. We'd walk the four miles to work and back because there was no money for travel.

I think your reaction is extreme. It's not desirable but it's entirely normal. As long as it's a one off and not a repeating pattern.

Firefly1987 · 23/07/2024 02:49

@Absolutelyraging all good then! I certainly know the appeal of a good vent so I don't blame you there😃

autienotnaughti · 23/07/2024 03:57

I'd just say they pay each month on their pay day so it's done before they spend anything else. I wouldn't get angry for a one off.

SunflowersMidwinter · 23/07/2024 04:13

stayathomer · 23/07/2024 01:10

To be honest I’d be saying they’re both young, we were all young once and all took holidays that we paid off however we could and were skint afterwards. Fair enough if you simply don’t want them there anymore as it’s always tough living together like that but otherwise I’d say you just remind them you can’t always bail them out (but do help them if you can!)

No. We didn't. Many of us didn't have a bank of mum and dad to bail us out, so were careful with our money.

Behaving like this is a privilege.

TheThreeCheesesOfTheApocalypse44 · 23/07/2024 04:26

Good God op when did you become such an old nag ?? Hell I'm 43 and usually return from holidays skint......nobody dies, it rights itself.

Just ask for the missed board money when they're next paid and get over yourself. 🙄

And if that had happened when they were living alone they'd have done what millions of financially independent people do, lived off beans on toast for a week or so and hopefully learned a life lesson.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/07/2024 04:39

Have they not got overdrafts? At this age if I’d done something silly, I’d have dipped into mine.

MoodyMargaret11 · 23/07/2024 05:23

They didn't blow All their money due to ADHD or being young. They did it because they knew mummy will bail them out.
That's really an alarming amount to get through so quick. They should have had quite a bit of savings already anyway, given their salaries and that they pay no rent. If they ever move out of your house, they'll get the shock of their lives - and will learn to budget in no time!

isthewashingdryyet · 23/07/2024 05:31

autienotnaughti · 23/07/2024 03:57

I'd just say they pay each month on their pay day so it's done before they spend anything else. I wouldn't get angry for a one off.

Agree. Get them to pay on pay day, or first day of the month. Teach them this is the best day for all bills to go out so that then the money left is for food, travel and fun.
you could even help them to set up a joint account for food that they also top up on the first of the month so that the fun money is easy to see

are they saving anything, cos otherwise they will never move out.

sounds like you need a meeting round a table with spreadsheets to teach them to budget

Overageclause · 23/07/2024 05:35

I'd be more concerned that two people who are working full time don't have a single pound saved. This needs immediate intervention, especially if you want them to move out at some point before they're 50!

Friendofdennis · 23/07/2024 05:36

as an aside. Betiween them they are bringing in a decent amount per month approx £3800. If they are not paying rent they are not getting a true taste of real life budgeting. Why don’t you suggest that they put the equivalent of what they should be paying in rent aside to build up a deposit for the future ?

DahliaRose3 · 23/07/2024 05:37

The best thing you can do is teach your dad to learn from your mistakes, and be there for her.

I would personally have a gentle chat with her about her finances overall if you’re bailing them out everyday, as it’s not fair on you. Budgeting and planning ahead may seem obvious, but it’s worth discussing. Reiterate you’re her mother and happy to help, but as she’s getting older and living their with bf she needs to be more mindful of the situation.

Monzo is great to help keep track of finances from a visual perspective, and with someone with ADHD it was a game changer for me.

BiscuityBoyle · 23/07/2024 05:48

I’m amazed at the people saying that this is fine and they are only young. Like a PP I was living completely independently at that age and never did this. The reason was that I didn’t have the money to go on a holiday in the first place. Most of us wouldn’t have anyone to bail us out. Bills don’t get paid with a shrug of the shoulders and ‘I got carried away’.

I wouldn’t kick them out but I’d make damn sure they knew I wasn’t happy and wouldn’t be doing it again.

Killingoffmyflowersonebyone · 23/07/2024 05:56

£2.5K between them in two weeks?! Wtf did they spend it on?! I spent a month in NY last year and only spent £1K!!!

I’d be fuming, OP. They’d be gone if it was my house - at that age they more than capable of standing on their own two feet.