To want to kick them both out

[Absolutelyraging]

It was agreed after discussion that DD could allow her bf to move in as long as he found full time work.
They both work, he full-time and dd part time.
They had started to pay towards the bills.

They had pre booked a holiday since last year and they went abroad for 2 weeks at start of July.

They returned totally skint, both having spent their entire wages during this holiday. It has meant that neither of them could afford fuel/ bus to get to work and back. They have no money for food and haven’t been able to pay towards the gas/ electricity or council tax. I don’t charge them rent as my mortgage is almost non existent now.
They have to wait to the end of the month to be paid again.

They both have ADHD so understand that impulsivity can play a part in budgeting but surely not on such a huge scale !?

He's had to borrow money off his family to fuel his car.
They live mainly on pasta dishes as it’s cheap.
I give DD the minimum to get to work and back and enough for a snack.

I’ve told DD that if it happens again she’ll have no job and bf will be asked to leave. His family are a couple of hours away so it was a long distance relationship for them.

Short of reading them the riot act, I don’t know what else to do but I’m absolutely livid !

They both say they’ve reflected on how this happened and say they got carried away.
Does anyone with an ounce of common sense get carried away to this extent?

If I did that we’d have no house to live in. Because no one would bail me out.

Well this is just a vent for a rant really but would be interesting to hear what others would do or if you’ve experienced this, how did you deal with it?

Agree . Major infantilising.

You're too soft on them. They need to pay rent. Especially the BF who isn't even your child and shouldn't be living in your house for free.
God help you if your daughter gets pregnant with this attitude. Kids are expensive and they'll never move out.

I’m glad you aren’t making it a big deal, but for their sakes you should make them pay it back just so they realise that actions have consequences.

It isn’t also a good idea for them to get into the habit of spending all their wages on rubbish each month, as they have been doing if they hadn’t saved spending money. I think you should charge them a decent rent and then save it for them if you don’t need it. Will be a good life lesson on budgeting. Paying essential bills before fun money. It will be a big shock letter on when there isn’t so much fun money in real life.

I completely agree.

Many of us were married homeowners with children of our own by 27. No amount of saying that you were young, daft or had ADHD would pay the mortgage or feed the kids.

How much are they paying you in board? Together they earn at least £3,850 per month.

They should pay you AT LEAST £500-800 per month in board.

That's for them to work out isn't it? Cut back on other spending to pay the OP what she is owed would be my suggestion (I assume the OP isn't taking every penny they earn from them). Or pick-up extra shifts/work to pay her back. Or work out a payment plan so they pay this missing month in installments over the next few months.

I would have thought this is all fairly obvious.

I think at their age, ADHD or not you are NBU to be livid. They are lucky they have got you. I would say to them they have had their do over and from now on you expect them to behave like adults. They know they have ADHD and need to take responsibility for managing that....so putting aside money before they are in the loss of control situation. If I know I get dizzy spells and knowingly go up a ladder, that's on me. If I know I need glasses to drive and knowingly drive without them because I lost them, that's on me. I'd also be requiring back any money loaned to them, small repayments maybe, and I'd think about recovering back rent similarly. You can maybe stash the money for them rather than keep it but there is a learning opportunity here.

Not all parents have the means to fully supoort 2 extra adults tho

all those people out there with immature human brains who are doctors, nurses, police officers, teachers.......its terrifying.

Agree with the others saying this is a major overreaction

And we wonder why some kids just never grow up 🙄

Their rent isn’t optional.

He can go borrow it off his parents like he has the fuel money.

She can beg for an extra shift seeing as she only works part time anyway,

It’s pathetic - if they can afford a holiday, they can afford to save. Two grown arse adults in chalk housing, one not even working full time - and ZERO savings between them? They shii out if be ashamed of themselves.

At least they work have holidays and try to live...unlike alot of young people who expect to have it handed to them.
Does anyone suggest anything other than pasta for them to eat?
Guidance and life lessons..
Kicking them out will not solve anything but make them worse off unless someone helps them is that a possibility on budgeting?
I'm not sure about the impulsive behaviour.
I know I blew my budget on holiday because we all get carried away or make mistakes.

My daughter and her bf are the same age and it's a total over reaction to want to kick them out over this. My daughter is very sensible with money so this wouldn't happen to her but I would have definitely done something like this at her age. Chill out OP and make sure they pay extra next month.

Look. The thing is, they spent £180 per day for the 2 of them. That is excessive in anyone's eyes. Did they think, ah sod it Mum will pay? They were irresponsible, not careful at all. If they had money at the airport, they will have budgeted for that, so they could have budgeted for when they got home

It is therefore an obligation to make the best of one's ability to work and contribute the maximum amount of tax to take care of those in need

No. We do not have to flog ourselves to death just to pay more tax. The only societal obligation on able bodied people is to be as financially self sufficient as possible and to pay your taxes. If you can live the life you want on minimum wage or part time work then good luck to you.

No. We do not have to flog ourselves to death just to pay more tax. The only societal obligation on able bodied people is to be as financially self sufficient as possible and to pay your taxes. If you can live the life you want on minimum wage or part time work then good luck to you.

Which clearly OPs daughter can't do! So off she goes, pay more tax and be financially self sufficient.

Living rent free and sponging off mummy is not financially self sufficient.

Strongly agree. The daughter and bf should be working hard to become self sufficient adults that do not blow all their money on a holiday to the point they need subbies just to get to work. They are taking the piss out of OP.

that is not the same as saying they have to work hard to maximise how much tax they to pay for other people. If it was possible for the daughter to live independently on a part time wage, I would not criticise the working part time aspect.

"MustafaFagg · Today 06:59
I would counter comments that suggest working part-time (unless there is a fundamental reason eg unpaid caring responsibilities) is a reasonable 'life- work' balance.

People in the UK, in fact, lead a privileged life.

For example, no matter how much one might criticise the means, nobody need starve or drink unclean water. Everybody receives a good education, generally issues like law and order or medical care are at the top end of world rankings.

It is therefore an obligation to make the best of one's ability to work and contribute the maximum amount of tax to take care of those in need."

Keir is that you???😂

I dare say they ‘got carried away’ because they knew there was going to be a comfortable safety net at the end of it.
Early 20s is IMO certainly not too soon to start being sensible with money.

I can understand you not wanting them to live there anymore but I do think you're overreacting about the holiday. We've all been young and foolish. I'm sure I did similar at that age. I wouldn't kick them out over that - but if you're not happy with them living there generally then that's a different matter.

As I said before, I vent on here but the reaction to them was one of mild annoyance.
Im not a shouter and probably struggle to show anger. Perhaps not a god thing !

I’m privately seething at being taken for granted but haven’t even suggested kicking dd out. I Said if it happens again maybe her bf should move back to his parents as I can’t afford to bail out 2 people.

I’m very surprised at the number of “ah bless, we were all young and daft once” responses.

OP is not only missing their contribution to her household expenses this month, but she is now also paying the basic living costs for two grown, capable adults for two weeks. How many people here would be in a position to do that and happy to do so? To not even have enough money left over to get themselves to work and feed themselves suggests to me a recklessness that says they take OP for granted and need a hard dose of reality.

£100 a day each on holiday really isn't that much. Most places in Europe are pretty expensive now. A few drinks and a meal and that's £100 gone, easily. I've budgeted £200 a day for my holiday with my two kids this year - and we want to do a load of trips, so that means we'll actually have to be pretty frugal.

OK it's not ideal they spent all their cash, but I did exactly the same thing at their age, with nobody to bail me out. I had to walk to work and skip lunch. It's not really crime of the century.

I would expect them to be grateful that they are being helped by you.

If you haven't already, you need to sit down with them and agree what they will pay every month to cover your expenses in hosting them. Ideally, this will be paid in advance. They should also be paying you back for bailing them out this month but you might agree to spread this out over a few months. Finally, they both ought to be putting some money into savings every month, while they are living so cheaply with you.

They should both be working full time, why isn’t your daughter?

What’s the longer term plan, they’re almost mid 20s, why aren’t they saving up to move out as they don’t even currently have to pay rent? Keep treating them like children and they’ll still be there in a decade.