To want to kick them both out

[Absolutelyraging]

It was agreed after discussion that DD could allow her bf to move in as long as he found full time work.
They both work, he full-time and dd part time.
They had started to pay towards the bills.

They had pre booked a holiday since last year and they went abroad for 2 weeks at start of July.

They returned totally skint, both having spent their entire wages during this holiday. It has meant that neither of them could afford fuel/ bus to get to work and back. They have no money for food and haven’t been able to pay towards the gas/ electricity or council tax. I don’t charge them rent as my mortgage is almost non existent now.
They have to wait to the end of the month to be paid again.

They both have ADHD so understand that impulsivity can play a part in budgeting but surely not on such a huge scale !?

He's had to borrow money off his family to fuel his car.
They live mainly on pasta dishes as it’s cheap.
I give DD the minimum to get to work and back and enough for a snack.

I’ve told DD that if it happens again she’ll have no job and bf will be asked to leave. His family are a couple of hours away so it was a long distance relationship for them.

Short of reading them the riot act, I don’t know what else to do but I’m absolutely livid !

They both say they’ve reflected on how this happened and say they got carried away.
Does anyone with an ounce of common sense get carried away to this extent?

If I did that we’d have no house to live in. Because no one would bail me out.

Well this is just a vent for a rant really but would be interesting to hear what others would do or if you’ve experienced this, how did you deal with it?

I don’t think spending 1000 on a holiday is that much. I do think not having a penny saved if you live with mummy and have no bills to pay is an issue that needs to be resolved. What are their long term goals? Don’t they want a place of their own?
I’d sit down with them to talk about this, and start charging them proper rent. You can save it up to help them later in live, or use it yourself when necessary. But having 3000 coming in and spending it all every month, that bonkers and not sustainable.

....and I bet they know you feel duty bound to help. The thing is, they are adults and you are not responsible for them. Things need to change going forward because, intentionally or not, they are taking advantage.

You're not charging them rent is actually facilitating their immature attitude with money IMO. You're bailing them out daily, so they don't need to be responsible?

Why does your DD only work part time, but the BF must work full time?

@MontblancTheSecond spending that amount is a lot if it's the only money you have and will leave you short on other commitments.

SunflowersMidwinter
Totally know that, my dad left school at 13 to help his mum out when his dad died and handed money back his whole life so when I started working after school aged 15 I started handing money back and continued up until I was just about mid 20s (and sometimes more when I was older)

I got credit cards and loans to help me with anything in college and as a young adult but definitely did the holiday thing because that’s what you do!!

bailing out may have been the incorrect word here and they already have some privledge-the op is already able to help /has been helping them out if they’re living with her, she can just give a little bit breathing space, to be fair her daughter would have been not paying anything just a few years ago!!

With all due respect, you can't have done much. I doubt they would have had much of a holiday on £30 odd a day.

I've spent £1k in a single day in NY with food, drinks, theatre tickets and shopping.

You're being too harsh in my opinion.

They are young and have a lot to learn. I would be mildly annoyed but not to the extent of even considering kicking them out. Just make sure it doesn't happen again by making them pay you a small amount of rent in future that you can save on their behalf for any future emergencies.

If they were paying rent they would be out on the street.
This is not a good precedence.
They need to repay you EVERY penny and you need to tell them both that you will not tolerate being taken advantage of.
They need to grow the hell up.
You are very kind to house her boyfriend, but this is not acceptable.
There is no need for things to be heated, just spelling out reality to them.
Are they expecting to live off you indefinitely?
If not they need to be saving, not blowing every penny they have.
Some young adults behave like this for sure, but many many don't, and if things are not laid out very clearly to them, they will just continue on like this.
It is possible to be kind AND very firm.

ADHD tax is a bit of an in joke for ADHDers. Might be worth suggesting they open a Monzo account or similar which can separate the budget into separate pots when salary goes in. I struggle with budgeting, and the above has really helped me manage my money better.

They should not be going away if they are living that close to the edge.

Getting a bit of financial responsibity is a higher priority than a holiday as it does not bode well for the future.

I'd be so pissed off if my DS was staying with someone else and paid zero rent plus spent all his money on hols. Are his parents not bothered?

They aren't children, they are working adults. You are perfectly reasonable, but the gang who think their children never grow up and are entitled to lifelong parental support will disagree.

They need to learn the lesson now!! Last chance saloon

They're young and daft. As a one-off, I'd let it go.

Do his parents know? He doesn't have to tell them?

They had £2.5k... do your sums for a 2 week holiday.
Just because you're happy to piss £1k up the wall in the day, and can afford to do so, it doesn't mean that is necessary or the norm.

When I was 23 I was house sharing with a full time permanent job and was saving for a deposit. They are old enough to know better. Definitely they need a life lesson at some point.

@stayathomer

That's what you did. I was homeless during my A-levels and got myself through uni - like you I knew the value of money.

Unlike you I did NOT get a credit card etc, and went on my first holiday in my mid-twenties when I was finacially secure. To this day I've only used a credit card to pay for a holiday for protection, then transferred the money from my savings onto the credit card so I'm in the green.

I would never go in the red for a holiday, and MANY people are the same as me. So your opinion that 'everyone' does this clearly isn't true. Some people do, some people don't

Not on one month, they wouldn't. And the solution would have been a credit card/overdraft/bank loan - with all the temptation that brings.

Been there, done that (albeit not from a holiday, from spectacularly poorly paid work and too much month at the end of my money), got myself back out of the hole pretty sharpish.

If they had nobody to bail them out they would have been screwed.

They're old enough to know better.

Since when was 2 hours away a long distance relationship?!

They don't need to live together kick him out.

If they are living with you rent free then you need to change that . Impulsivity and adhd is a savers nemesis so charge them rent and put it into a savings account for them.

I sympathise OP. I have exactly the same with my son, I’m just grateful he hasn’t moved a girlfriend in. He’s a spendthrift and by about the 12th-15th of the month he’s asking for money for food and fuel (for work) How can I say no?? It’s tough and I don’t have any proper advice but I genuinely sympathise ♥️

Why is it the last chance saloon? This is OPs daughter she is talking about not a junior at work who has cocked up.

They will already be learning the lesson that the holiday they enjoyed has come with repercussions in terms of parental disapproval and being skint for the next couple of months. I feel like some Mumsnetters have never been young and foolish themselves or else have selective memories. We all make mistakes and you don't have to be thrown out of your home to feel genuinely sorry you did something. I'm sure they do already regret their choices.

Well they must know something because he’s had to sponge off them also, for petrol money .