Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

CF Neigbour Using Hot Tub

425 replies

grandmabrown · 22/07/2024 17:10

Summer 2022 we suspect someone was using our garden while we were out as things began to move and on occasions the hot tub appeared used. We didn't think too much of it to be honest, with teenage children (who denied using it) things do often move and we were busy so didnt give it too much thought. Looking back now though that is when things started happening. Earlier in 2024 we went away and, upon return, a friend commented that she had popped round on her way past, nobody answered the door, she heard noises in the back garden and had come in through the side gate. There greeted by a family, using our hot tub and garden, who told her we had gone to X location and would be back on X date (both details correct), they were watching the house for us. When we got back we were baffled, asked around, nobody knew anything. We are part of a neighbourhood watch whatsapp group. We all keep an eye on each others cars and houses when away and update one another if we see anyone acting strange hanging round or any crime. We asked on this group and nobody had seen anything but one of the group members helped my husband to install security cameras and a ring doorbell and nothing has happened since.

Fast forward to now, my street-neighbour, lets call her Helen (as this is her name), and I have always been on a smile and wave basis. I only know her families names from the Christmas cards we send/receive. Recently Helen has been acting off towards me and I appear to be annoying her by existing. She will sigh if she sees me and I have caught her on more than one occasion glaring across at me and pointing at my house while talking. I have become sick of this and asked another neighbour, who I am friendly with, what was going on. Neutral neighbour seemed very awkward and said she didn't want to stir the pot or tell tales. Eventually she said Helen was annoyed at me as I had promised her use of my garden and hot tub for her sons birthday/end of term party but had revoked it and "caused a scene" about intruders, which she know was aimed at her, on the neighbourhood Whatsapp. Apparently the party was due to be when we are on holiday and I had said if she kept an eye on the house they could have full run of the garden but changed my mind, leaving her son with nowhere to host and all his friends thinking the party is going ahead. Helen said we have had this arrangement before and she does not understand why I am changing it now. This is not true. At all. I have never had a conversation with her, let alone offered to host a party for her. I checked with DH & DC and nobody has spoken to them or said they can use our property to host.

I have a million questions for her but don't know where to start. Obviously I now believe they were the family using our garden and it explains how she knew locations and return dates of our holidays. I do not know how to approach this or what to ask. Surely they will deny it. But the outright lie she has told our neighbour is harder to deny. What do I do? There is no way they are using my garden but now I am also worried that, when we go away, our garden may be used. The cameras will alert us on our phones and we can ring the police but I would really rather not cause a neighbour dispute and end up down that route. I am absolutely baffled by the audacity that someone would do this and then be mad about it, without ever even having a conversation with me.

OP posts:
Rosscameasdoody · 22/07/2024 19:47

Peterbeardwy · 22/07/2024 19:40

Made up bollocks

What makes you say that ?

Teenie22 · 22/07/2024 19:49

I would actually have to go to her front door and ask her in person, just to see her face. Cannot believe the cheek of her!!

localnotail · 22/07/2024 19:50

I would simply post either on local FB group or WhatsApp group something along the line : "Just to let everyone know, and to avoid any confusion - we have never allowed anyone the use of our garden, especially when we are away, there were never an occasion where we permitted anyone to enter our garden without us being there. We have found out that we had some intruders who used it previously without permission, and while we are prepared to let it pass, any future intrusions will be reported to the police."

CrazyChefDoDoDoDoDoDo · 22/07/2024 19:50

I've seen posts like this a lot on MN and I just cannot fathom how people square this with themselves as being acceptable behaviour?!

localnotail · 22/07/2024 19:51

Teenie22 · 22/07/2024 19:49

I would actually have to go to her front door and ask her in person, just to see her face. Cannot believe the cheek of her!!

Actually this, I would also try to film it. Should be hilarious

Ralphistired · 22/07/2024 19:56

bouncybouncingboobies · 22/07/2024 17:22

I’d update on street what app with a jolly message that says- Hi All, I heard a really funny rumour the other day- apparently I ‘rent out’ or ‘let’ people use my garden and hot pool. Just to clarify, this is not, never has been or ever will be the case. It’s our garden, not Thorpe Park! LOL

FCF- Fucking Cheeky Fucker!

👏 Absolutely this.

Publicly shame her the way she’s been doing to you behind your back.

Anyone you’ve told will know it’s about her.

I wouldn’t bothered confronting her as she’s not a reasonable person who you’d have an honest conversation with and put it to bed. She’s a conniving liar.

It there’s any neighbours you’re friendly with I’d also tell them what she’s done next time you’re having a friendly convo “you’ll never guess what Helen did…”

Lavenderblossoms · 22/07/2024 20:04

Come on love.

Woman up and have it out with her. Grow a spine to tell her fuck off. Or something to that affect.

She is walking all over you, using your stuff and trespassing and now telling your neighbours lies. And you're simpering about neighbourly disputes????? She's already doing that and more! Stand up for yourself woman!

WearyAuldWumman · 22/07/2024 20:09

Another2Cats · 22/07/2024 19:41

Sorry, I don't get that reference to "Flakes of Helen". Could you provide some context or a link?

Flakes of Helen's skin.

thereaheaveninahell · 22/07/2024 20:11

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

HelpWhatIf · 22/07/2024 20:11

I’d go with what @bouncybouncingboobies has put, calls her out without directly naming and shaming

ididnotcapturethecastle · 22/07/2024 20:12

All OP needs to do is stop Helen, tell her that she's heard the craziest thing and tell her what the neighbour told her (not naming any names). Watching Helen squirm and deny will be more than enough to stop any further cheeky fuckery.

JackJarvisEsq · 22/07/2024 20:18

Helen’s killed her

pam290358 · 22/07/2024 20:19

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

If OP uses the tub regularly it will be left on, so no need for CF neighbour to wait for it to heat up. They also didn’t use it while OP was out for the day - they were on holiday, so presumably teens wouldn’t have been home either. OP said they were aware of something amiss because things had been moved around. I think you’d definitely notice.

Therealjudgejudy · 22/07/2024 20:20

Defo put a message on the WA group

Witchbitch20 · 22/07/2024 20:22

Whats App group message.

Please also take a screenshot and share. 😬

Peterbeardwy · 22/07/2024 20:22

Rosscameasdoody · 22/07/2024 19:47

What makes you say that ?

Thought it was obvious

KiwiJane504 · 22/07/2024 20:22

Is this thread serious? If so, wow! That is the most baffling thing I have ever heard on here!

HappyWorkingMummy · 22/07/2024 20:24

Witchbitch20 · 22/07/2024 20:22

Whats App group message.

Please also take a screenshot and share. 😬

This 😆

thereaheaveninahell · 22/07/2024 20:25

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Another2Cats · 22/07/2024 20:30

macaroniandcheeze · 22/07/2024 18:41

So if there are people on your property without permission, whether you’re there or not, the police won’t come and remove them? Seriously? That’s baffling.

Yes, seriously. At least in the UK. It only becomes criminal if it's "aggravated trespass".

What that means is that a person trespasses and also is found guilty of "Intentionally and with intention to intimidate, obstruct or disrupt the lawful activity of others". This covers groups like hunt saboteurs, animals rights etc or groups like Just Stop Oil etc if they go onto private property and seek to disrupt what is going on there.

Interestingly, it's also an offence if you were to turn up in a caravan or motor home etc on someone's property and decide to live there. Then that is also a criminal offence.

Although in the latter case, it can be very difficult indeed to get the police to do anything about it.

But other than that, it's an entirely civil matter. Generally, it's all down to "self help" - in other words you have to do it yourself.

If a person is trespassing on your property then you have to tell them to leave first. If they do not immediately turn round and leave, heading to the nearest exit then they become a trespasser and you can use reasonable force to remove them.

There was a case that went to the Court of Appeal back in 1967 (Robson v Hallett [1967] 2 QB 939). It involved somebody being told to leave and they did so immediately, but the home owner then jumped him from behind. The court held that the person should be allowed a reasonable amount of time to leave before being attacked.

This case was also cited in the more recent case of Gibson v Douglas & Anor [2016] EWCA Civ 1266 where Sir James Munby, the then President of the Family Division said:

"21 I add these observations. At one end of the spectrum, the unwanted visitor who presents himself at the front door, is asked in but then told to go, must leave immediately, taking the quickest route back to the highway and not delaying; so his period of grace may be measured in minutes: see Robson v Hallett [1967] 2 QB 939."

Rookieuser123 · 22/07/2024 20:31

Neighbourhood watch isn’t going well that none of your neighbours noticed her going into your garden

diktat · 22/07/2024 20:31

Scissorsisters · 22/07/2024 17:15

Lock your garden gate, unplug and drain the hot tub when you go away and don't give it another thought.
Your neighbour is a CF.

This.

JayJayEl · 22/07/2024 20:32

I'm still waiting for the day where the AIBU vote is 100% YANBU and I really thought today might be the day. Alas, YANBU is only at 98%! 🤯 This leads me to believe that there are k0bbers who click YABU just to feck with the results, and that makes me inexplicably cross. 😭

wizzywig · 22/07/2024 20:36

Say that you're needing to go hospital as you have caught some lurgy from the hot tub. And it's contagious and will make your greedy claws melt off

Nanaof1 · 22/07/2024 20:38

grandmabrown · 22/07/2024 17:10

Summer 2022 we suspect someone was using our garden while we were out as things began to move and on occasions the hot tub appeared used. We didn't think too much of it to be honest, with teenage children (who denied using it) things do often move and we were busy so didnt give it too much thought. Looking back now though that is when things started happening. Earlier in 2024 we went away and, upon return, a friend commented that she had popped round on her way past, nobody answered the door, she heard noises in the back garden and had come in through the side gate. There greeted by a family, using our hot tub and garden, who told her we had gone to X location and would be back on X date (both details correct), they were watching the house for us. When we got back we were baffled, asked around, nobody knew anything. We are part of a neighbourhood watch whatsapp group. We all keep an eye on each others cars and houses when away and update one another if we see anyone acting strange hanging round or any crime. We asked on this group and nobody had seen anything but one of the group members helped my husband to install security cameras and a ring doorbell and nothing has happened since.

Fast forward to now, my street-neighbour, lets call her Helen (as this is her name), and I have always been on a smile and wave basis. I only know her families names from the Christmas cards we send/receive. Recently Helen has been acting off towards me and I appear to be annoying her by existing. She will sigh if she sees me and I have caught her on more than one occasion glaring across at me and pointing at my house while talking. I have become sick of this and asked another neighbour, who I am friendly with, what was going on. Neutral neighbour seemed very awkward and said she didn't want to stir the pot or tell tales. Eventually she said Helen was annoyed at me as I had promised her use of my garden and hot tub for her sons birthday/end of term party but had revoked it and "caused a scene" about intruders, which she know was aimed at her, on the neighbourhood Whatsapp. Apparently the party was due to be when we are on holiday and I had said if she kept an eye on the house they could have full run of the garden but changed my mind, leaving her son with nowhere to host and all his friends thinking the party is going ahead. Helen said we have had this arrangement before and she does not understand why I am changing it now. This is not true. At all. I have never had a conversation with her, let alone offered to host a party for her. I checked with DH & DC and nobody has spoken to them or said they can use our property to host.

I have a million questions for her but don't know where to start. Obviously I now believe they were the family using our garden and it explains how she knew locations and return dates of our holidays. I do not know how to approach this or what to ask. Surely they will deny it. But the outright lie she has told our neighbour is harder to deny. What do I do? There is no way they are using my garden but now I am also worried that, when we go away, our garden may be used. The cameras will alert us on our phones and we can ring the police but I would really rather not cause a neighbour dispute and end up down that route. I am absolutely baffled by the audacity that someone would do this and then be mad about it, without ever even having a conversation with me.

I think, first off, that causing a neighborhood dispute should not be a worry of yours. This is not only a BIG !!eeewwww!!, it was trespassing and one of the other neighbors had to see and had to know. Secondly, they are taking the piss and making a mug out of you and your family. Not cool. Think about what would have happened if a tragedy had occurred on your property while you were gone? How would you have proved or prove now, that you did not give permission? The truth has to be told, by you. The only one who should feel badly are the trespassing cheeky fuckers, who owe you an apology (and the cost of cleaning and refilling the hot tub. YUCK).

She thinks she can "create" a story that people will believe.

I would put into the neighborhood What's App the following:

"I hear there is a story going around that my family and I gave another family permission to use our garden and hot tub whenever we are on holiday. That we have reneged on our word for a party. Let me be quite clear. Never, EVER, has anyone had permission to use our garden or our hot tub when we were not home. We would never open the liability that could happen, plus it's our PRIVATE PROPERTY! What has happened is, a family has decided to trespass and use our hot tub and garden without our knowledge or permission. They also thought they'd get away with having a party in our garden when we were away. They are now angry because they have been caught and security has been added, at our expense, to make sure it never happens again. To the family who committed this crime against us, shame on you. You had no right to use the garden or hot tub and the story you are trying to tell now is a lie, and you know that. Our property is off limits, and you have been caught. If it happens again, we will press charges and seek redress in court for damages and usage."

Then, next time you go on holiday, have friends of yours stop over often, especially on the weekend, since they could try and damage or black out your cameras. They are not Cheeky Fuckers. They are Cheeky Fuckers on steroids and entitlement overdose. By sending out the above, but mentioning no names, YET, you are saying what needs to be said, without the need to go door to door.

I would also add a sentence or two about how there is supposed to be a neighborhood watch and how disappointed you are that they were not there for you.