My Dad expects me to help him at his work during the summer holidays

[alwaysonreply]

I am in my mid 20's and I am a supply teacher who lives at home with my parents. My Dad is very insistent on the fact that the school holidays for me are not holidays but that I am unemployed because I do not paid in the holidays, my Dad is self employed and runs a business and has told me he expects me to help him out free of charge during the holidays some days because I am now unemployed until September.

I want to make clear that I pay rent to my parents and can afford to pay the same amount of rent during the periods when I am not working and getting paid?

I suspect I have ASD and part of my problem is I hate confrontation and I am not very good confident at putting my views across especially like someone like my Dad who I love and he has many good qualities but he always thinks his opinion is right and everyone else is wrong.

What I am worried about is whether I am being a bit mean in feeling reluctant o do what my Dad has informed of his plan and I worry dude to my fear of confrontation I will just along with what he wants me to do so I keep him happy. My Dad is good at putting his views across inn a good way, he claims that because I am single and have no kids, that I will be very bored during the summer holidays and it will give me something to focus on and it will only be a couple of days a week still giving me plenty of time to chill out. However it feels like he is telling me what do and controlling my life when I am an adult. Do you think that's correct?

Might be time to find a flatshare? Take control of your life.

Time to move out OP

Unless your rent is massively discounted, YANBU. Maybe it's time to start looking to move out?

Agreed. If you want to be treated like an adult then you probably should fine yourself somewhere else to live.

I think you need to move out. Are there cultural or religious factors at play here - would you living independently be controversial?

Its up to you what you do, not your dad. I'd move out if I were you

Either time to move out or perhaps pick up some temp work for which you will get paid!!

Yes, you are unemployed until September. I’m not understanding the correlation of being unemployed = 6 weeks of unpaid work to a local business? Surely if you’re as destitute as your father thinks you are, he should be paying you for your employment?

Or get a job at the local coffee shop, supermarket, etc for the summer and hey presto, you’re no longer unemployed!

Do you pay market rent or a reduced rate? Perhaps agree to a number of days when you can help, but be clear this IS your holiday and you have plans.

And make plans and be unavailable when you can't help.

It doesn't need to be a confirmation, just 'sorry, I can't help them but I will help x and. Y days as discussed'

Pretty sure mid-twenties is classed as an adult. You know, one of those people that makes their own decisions and can say the word “No”.

Move out. And enforce calm polite boundaries with your dad.
No thanks,that doesn't work for me.
Rinse and repeat

Daily rates are higher for supply teachers than for contracted teachers for exactly for this reason, so technically you are being paid for the holidays every time you do a day's supply. Your Dad is wrong.

Unless he is offering to pay you? What would you get per day supply teaching?
Tell him that's your rate for any hours/ days he'd like to employ you.

You've got to grow up and deal with confrontation at some point, so it might as well be now. Confrontation is an unavoidable part of life, op. Tell your father no, you're not working for him, you are definitely not working for free, and you won't be discussing it again.

If I were you, I'd be moving out as soon as humanly possible.

He's being controlling by trying to tell you how you feel (bored in the summer) whether he means to or not. He's treating you like a child still. I work as supply in schools as well as another job and the end of term was hard work. Schools can be mentally draining and stressful so in my opinion you need that summer holiday in order to be ready for September. I would not do the work for your dad, and if you do you should be paid the going rate for it.

Is his business struggling? Does he need help in the business, but can't really afford to pay anyone? If that isn't the case suggest he pats you minimum wage at least, for your time, if you were actually unemployed you would get job seekers allowance. Or say if I get bored I may come and give you a hand for an odd day, but I'm planning on being really busy.

Maybe he wants you to earn some more money over the summer (working for him) so you can afford to move out.

Are your parents hoping you'll fly the nest soon?

I don't think it's that unreasonable for him to ask for some help from someone living in his house , with a lot of time on their hands, especially if they're not paying market rent. Maybe look up what a room in a houseshare in your area would cost and do that, if the terms are preferable.

Not working unpaid she won't

He’s a cheeky fuck. If he wants summer staff, pay them.

It depends what he is asking you to do. If he is setting up a new it system and your pretty good with IT and would be able to do so easily whereas he’d struggle then yes help him. If he’s expecting you to man the shop so he doesn’t have to pay someone else to, not so much. Is he short staffed? Is it a special project you’re adept at?

Is he the kind of parent that would help you out? Fix your car, lend you money, pick you up from a night out? Or does he expect you to be more independent.

Have you got other plans for the summer? A bit of travel etc

The bottom line is that you are never going to be truly independent and out from under your father's thumb until you move out. It's time to go.

So despite paying rent, and presumably doing your bit in the house, he expects you to work for him in his business free of charge?
Time to move out. You are not 12 and need to be kept out of mischief.

Your dad can fuck the fuck off to the far side of fuck

If you work for him you'll need to be paid NMW.