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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My Dad expects me to help him at his work during the summer holidays

132 replies

alwaysonreply · 22/07/2024 15:49

I am in my mid 20's and I am a supply teacher who lives at home with my parents. My Dad is very insistent on the fact that the school holidays for me are not holidays but that I am unemployed because I do not paid in the holidays, my Dad is self employed and runs a business and has told me he expects me to help him out free of charge during the holidays some days because I am now unemployed until September.

I want to make clear that I pay rent to my parents and can afford to pay the same amount of rent during the periods when I am not working and getting paid?

I suspect I have ASD and part of my problem is I hate confrontation and I am not very good confident at putting my views across especially like someone like my Dad who I love and he has many good qualities but he always thinks his opinion is right and everyone else is wrong.

What I am worried about is whether I am being a bit mean in feeling reluctant o do what my Dad has informed of his plan and I worry dude to my fear of confrontation I will just along with what he wants me to do so I keep him happy. My Dad is good at putting his views across inn a good way, he claims that because I am single and have no kids, that I will be very bored during the summer holidays and it will give me something to focus on and it will only be a couple of days a week still giving me plenty of time to chill out. However it feels like he is telling me what do and controlling my life when I am an adult. Do you think that's correct?

OP posts:
FourEyesGood · 22/07/2024 16:55

Runbunny · 22/07/2024 16:52

Also teachers do get paid for the holidays. I suspect OP has a low paid support staff job and isn't paying much rent at all.

Show quote history

She mentions in her OP that she’s been doing supply teaching work (i.e. she’s not under contract and isn’t being paid through the holidays).

BarHumbugs · 22/07/2024 16:56

Runbunny · 22/07/2024 16:52

Also teachers do get paid for the holidays. I suspect OP has a low paid support staff job and isn't paying much rent at all.

Show quote history

Supply teachers don't.

SillyCilla · 22/07/2024 16:57

Ask him to waive your rent while you are working for him?
He can’t possibly think it’s acceptable for you to work for him for nothing!

Mirabai · 22/07/2024 16:57

Not unreasonable of him to ask, unreasonable not to pay you.

Call his bluff and get another temporary job.

azlazee1 · 22/07/2024 16:57

Minority voice here. I think you are being unreasonable. If he expected you to work full time or even most of the time, I would agree with you. But two days a week, when you're living in their home, guessing you have food, laundry, cleaning and other household functions done for you, well would it kill you to help him out? If you feel controlled, it's time to move on from parent living to getting your own place so you can adult for real.

AllstarFacilier · 22/07/2024 17:00

I suppose as you’re supply, you are unemployed until September, but if you can afford that then it’s fine. If he was concerned about your finances, he wouldn’t be telling you to work for free. If you wanted a job over summer, you would want paid. What type of work is he asking you to do?

spriots · 22/07/2024 17:04

I don't think adult children get to just pay rent and that's that. It's up to their parents what contribution they want.

My parents did not want rent, because they didn't need the money, they wanted me to help out with various household things. Including covering the family business so that my dad could have a break.

I really don't see the big deal about that. When I no longer wanted to live as a household with my parents, I left.

Graceandflavours · 22/07/2024 17:07

Time to grow up and move out

Itiswhysofew · 22/07/2024 17:11

YANBU - I don't think he should expect you to work for him. What is the work? Is it something that he struggles with? Maybe you could give him a few hours a week?

Your time off is part of your job. If you feel the need to work during this time, no doubt you'd want paid work?

KhakiFatball · 22/07/2024 17:11

He may just want to spend time with you, I wouldnt advise going too overboard with the work sans payment though!

TroysMammy · 22/07/2024 17:12

But teaching staff get their annual salary e.g. £20,000 spread out over the amount of months they are working but still get £20,000 pa don't they? They are not unemployed during the holidays as they are still on the payroll.

TroysMammy · 22/07/2024 17:15

Sorry, missed the fact the OP is a supply teacher. If your Dad wants you to work then he pays you NMW at the very least.

TeaGinandFags · 22/07/2024 17:17

If you pay rent, regardless of how much, then you're entitled to live there.

If he wants you to work, then he needs to pay you. If he doesn't pay you, he's not entitled to your labour.

Move out.

LookItsMeAgain · 22/07/2024 17:18

I voted that YNBU but I would recommend moving out so that this 'hold' that your father has over expecting you to be available to him to work in his business would cease.
He should be paying you though and you should tell him that you will work for him for the time you're off (so long as you want to that is) so long as he puts you on the payroll like any other employee. Not negotiable.

socks1107 · 22/07/2024 17:19

Are you paying market rent or reduced rent to live there? It's not unreasonable of him to ask for help if you're presumably not paying market rent.
When you work supply do you always get full time work or is it more adhoc.

Do you do a third of all cooking and cleaning and more when off?

Grammarnut · 22/07/2024 17:22

alwaysonreply · 22/07/2024 15:49

I am in my mid 20's and I am a supply teacher who lives at home with my parents. My Dad is very insistent on the fact that the school holidays for me are not holidays but that I am unemployed because I do not paid in the holidays, my Dad is self employed and runs a business and has told me he expects me to help him out free of charge during the holidays some days because I am now unemployed until September.

I want to make clear that I pay rent to my parents and can afford to pay the same amount of rent during the periods when I am not working and getting paid?

I suspect I have ASD and part of my problem is I hate confrontation and I am not very good confident at putting my views across especially like someone like my Dad who I love and he has many good qualities but he always thinks his opinion is right and everyone else is wrong.

What I am worried about is whether I am being a bit mean in feeling reluctant o do what my Dad has informed of his plan and I worry dude to my fear of confrontation I will just along with what he wants me to do so I keep him happy. My Dad is good at putting his views across inn a good way, he claims that because I am single and have no kids, that I will be very bored during the summer holidays and it will give me something to focus on and it will only be a couple of days a week still giving me plenty of time to chill out. However it feels like he is telling me what do and controlling my life when I am an adult. Do you think that's correct?

  1. Even if you had a full-time contract you are not paid for the holidays, you would work 192 days, 1265 hours + directed time - and all that is encapsulated in term time. However, unlike f/t contracted teachers you are not paid pro-rata across the holidays but only for days worked (which means you are being paid less per hour than a contracted teacher btw).
  2. You are unemployed as a supply teacher, if you do not have a contract anywhere and you could claim benefit for the holidays, in which case you cannot work in your dad's business as you would not then be available for work.
  3. If your dad wants you to help him in his business he should pay you the going rate. You pay rent, so are not free-loading. Point this out - you don't have to be confrontation, just factual.
  4. Have a good summer. Go on holiday.
AnonymousBleep · 22/07/2024 17:25

Of course YANBU. But it's time to flee the nest!

Mortarboard · 22/07/2024 17:26

He should pay you for your work UNLESS the rent you are paying really doesn’t cover your expenses and he is, in effect, partially supporting you financially - in which case you should help out for free imho.

Tel12 · 22/07/2024 17:26

Why would you not help your dad out? Isn't it what families do?

HappierTimesAhead · 22/07/2024 17:30

Tel12 · 22/07/2024 17:26

Why would you not help your dad out? Isn't it what families do?

I don't work for my family members for free during my holidays no.

Pick up shopping or drive them somewhere if they need it yes.

WickedSerious · 22/07/2024 17:36

Tell him if he can't cope he should advertise for an assistant.

I'd also think about moving out.

AnonymousBleep · 22/07/2024 17:37

Tel12 · 22/07/2024 17:26

Why would you not help your dad out? Isn't it what families do?

No. Family members are not obliged to work for free for other family members, just as parents of adult children aren't obliged to let their adult children board with them for free.

AnonymousBleep · 22/07/2024 17:39

If he sees you as 'unemployed' then why isn't he offering to pay you? Surely it would make more sense for you to get a paid temporary job than work for him for free anyway? He can't have it both ways.

FyodorDForever · 22/07/2024 17:39

He is only expecting you to work some days, so if we are talking about 1-3 days a week and you still have 4-6 days to rest I would say it is a grey area. You are an adult and you work and pay rent BUT you are living in your parent’s house so fair enough that their rules include helping out on day when there is no work.
Bottom line: if you can afford to move out, do. If you can’t because they are heavily subsidising you then asking for a few days of work every week over the summer seems fair.

OpizpuHeuvHiyo · 22/07/2024 17:40

Yanbu

Let him know your consultancy rate is £75ph if he wants your services. Otherwise your time is your own.

Probably best to move out asap.