My Dad expects me to help him at his work during the summer holidays

[alwaysonreply]

I am in my mid 20's and I am a supply teacher who lives at home with my parents. My Dad is very insistent on the fact that the school holidays for me are not holidays but that I am unemployed because I do not paid in the holidays, my Dad is self employed and runs a business and has told me he expects me to help him out free of charge during the holidays some days because I am now unemployed until September.

I want to make clear that I pay rent to my parents and can afford to pay the same amount of rent during the periods when I am not working and getting paid?

I suspect I have ASD and part of my problem is I hate confrontation and I am not very good confident at putting my views across especially like someone like my Dad who I love and he has many good qualities but he always thinks his opinion is right and everyone else is wrong.

What I am worried about is whether I am being a bit mean in feeling reluctant o do what my Dad has informed of his plan and I worry dude to my fear of confrontation I will just along with what he wants me to do so I keep him happy. My Dad is good at putting his views across inn a good way, he claims that because I am single and have no kids, that I will be very bored during the summer holidays and it will give me something to focus on and it will only be a couple of days a week still giving me plenty of time to chill out. However it feels like he is telling me what do and controlling my life when I am an adult. Do you think that's correct?

I’m fully expecting the op to come back and say she’s paying £50 a month or something 🫣

if they are heavily subsidising you all year , I think the right thing to do is help out .

if you are paying market price for your room , plus utilities and doing your own washing and cleaning and cooking, then I would say that it’s up to you to decide what to do with your time

I do echo others - it might be time to move out

I don't agree with the idea of pay being necessary - I don't think family life should be so transactional. When I lived at home, I wouldn't pay my dad for a lift somewhere because he isn't a taxi and he didn't pay me for helping out in his business.

I wonder if the same would be expected of a male with "time on his hands"

I'm wondering what the risk implications could be toward the business, your father and you - if you do any volunteer work for the business without some sort of legal recognition by the business. It might be worth it for him to check with, idk, his accountant. Maybe a formal volunteer contract or a token minimum wage to ensure the business insurance will cover your actions as an employee? Otherwise, it's kinda nice he wants to spend more time with you over the summer - assuming you really have no other plans. It's a bit OTT for him to assume you have zero plans but you'll know best whether he means it kindly or not, even if you think he's talking to you like you're still in your teens. Kids will always be kids in their parents' eyes, to some extent. And not in a bad way; just in a... "I want my kid to be happy and not bored over summer" way.

Why does she need to pay market rent? She is living at home with her parents and the only part she is responsible for is 1/3 of the total cost of running a household. Her parents aren't paying "market rent" for their own house but they are not required to "chip in" for free at the OP's school on their holidays.

If you see the post I made just after that one, you'll see I have exactly that situation with my DS, so yes indeed

I think your dad is being totally unreasonable.

If you won't:

• confront him and say no because the holidays are to recharge and prepare for next academic year and he will get his rent; or
• move out

then lie through your teeth. Say the holidays are not actual holidays for staff and you need to prepare for next year's curriculum and classes.

I'm not a teacher so sorry if the terminology is wrong.

Even if you were unemployed, which you're not, why would that justify having to work for your dad, or anyone for free? Ridiculous.
If he wants you to work he can pay you a wage like anyone else. You're not his slave.
If I were you I'd try and move out ASAP. Your dad is clearly overbearing and not very helpful.
Could you afford a flat share with a mate? Or if not then just with randoms, it's better than being bugged by your dad all day long.

She doesn't, but the pay off is she's expected to give a few days a year to the family business, that is financing her lifestyle.

My son acts as IT support for my business. TBF I don't ask much if him, but I'd be mightily unimpressed if wanted paying, when he has it so cushy here.

As a teen, not paying rent, I used to help Dad out in the school holidays - and got paid.
But I was only asked when they were desperate for an extra pair of hands.

You definitely need to "book" some holiday. And seriously consider moving out.

I can't believe the OP is a teacher either. The post and articulation would suggest a teenager has written it.

What is the compensation package? You can tell him you will get him an answer once you see the details of the benefits involved.

Her parents aren't paying "market rent"

They may well be paying market rent.

In which case, OP is still only responsible for 1/3 of that and there is nothing to suggest she is not doing that already.

Don't get into a discussion with him in which he tells you how you feel and what you think and you struggle to argue against him. Try:
"no, I won't be doing that, because I don't want to"
"we've discussed this before and I don't have anything to add"
"please stop talking about this, you are making me unhappy"
"I won't have time because I'll be flat-hunting"

Autistic parents can be real control freaks, move away as soon as you can. Until then, tell him if he wants to hire you he has to pay you your going rate or you will report him to HMRC.

Is it something like a family farm you will inherit one day?

How's the family business financing her lifestyle? She is working, she is being paid a salary which is financing her lifestyle. We have no idea how much rent she is paying to her parents. She may well be financing their lifestyle.
Does your son do a few full days of work per week doing your IT or just a few quick tasks here and there? Because that would make a difference in whether or not he should be compensated.

In which case, OP is still only responsible for 1/3 of that and there is nothing to suggest she is not doing that already

No. She could easily disabuse us if she felt like it. It’s just interesting that her dad expects a contribution in lieu if she’s already financially contributing and that the OP didn’t move out years ago if he’s such a pita and she gets no financial benefit from being there.

Also teachers do get paid for the holidays. I suspect OP has a low paid support staff job and isn't paying much rent at all.

You'd also hope that a teacher was assertive enough to push back on this. If the OP isn't confident enough to talk to her dad about this, how well does she deal with keeping 30 school pupils in line?

OP for a start, you're entitled to statutory holiday for around half the school holidays. So for a lot of them, you're not unemployed, you're on annual leave.

Plus wouldn't you need to be doing some CPD, applying for permanent teaching posts, looking for a contract for next year? Might you also be looking to go away on holiday?

But unless perhaps his business is really struggling and he needs an extra pair of hands, or you're benefitting by living very cheaply with your parents, there's no justification for him to expect you to work for free, so he either pays you or you don't do it.

As you have ASD I would have thought the summer holidays were your time to recover from being peopled out. My Dd has just come out of 2 years of ASD burnout. She would need that time.

Also as a teacher, l always had work to do in the holidays. Tell your dad that.

I sold I don't ask a lot of him, but if OP was paying a lot towards the upkeep of her home, I think she'd have mentioned it.

Time to move out.