My Dad expects me to help him at his work during the summer holidays

[alwaysonreply]

I am in my mid 20's and I am a supply teacher who lives at home with my parents. My Dad is very insistent on the fact that the school holidays for me are not holidays but that I am unemployed because I do not paid in the holidays, my Dad is self employed and runs a business and has told me he expects me to help him out free of charge during the holidays some days because I am now unemployed until September.

I want to make clear that I pay rent to my parents and can afford to pay the same amount of rent during the periods when I am not working and getting paid?

I suspect I have ASD and part of my problem is I hate confrontation and I am not very good confident at putting my views across especially like someone like my Dad who I love and he has many good qualities but he always thinks his opinion is right and everyone else is wrong.

What I am worried about is whether I am being a bit mean in feeling reluctant o do what my Dad has informed of his plan and I worry dude to my fear of confrontation I will just along with what he wants me to do so I keep him happy. My Dad is good at putting his views across inn a good way, he claims that because I am single and have no kids, that I will be very bored during the summer holidays and it will give me something to focus on and it will only be a couple of days a week still giving me plenty of time to chill out. However it feels like he is telling me what do and controlling my life when I am an adult. Do you think that's correct?

Our dd is 26 and a secondary school teacher. She stays here three or four nights a week. Usually at bf's at weekends.

She broke up on Friday and is shattered. The gets paid 12 equal instalme ts and the holiday time is factored in. We take no rent from her but she contributes £130pcm mainly to cover her laundry/the cleaner. She buys some of her food but not all. We regularly have bf as a guest. She works very hard in term time. She and bf are having a two week holiday and they will come to us in France for a week as well.

I hope she will have a lovely summer break. She is looking to do a little private tutoring I er the holiday to boost her savings.

I think your the op's dh is being very unreasonable. Life is for living and having fun in your twenties. Our dd has been saving hard to fund a trip to America and to pay for one of her hobbies.

It’s fine for him to ASK you to help out.

Its not ok for him to TELL you to help out.

You are a grown woman and as long as your bills are paid, you can do what you want.

Of course it's not illegal to volunteer.

But that's not what we're talking about.

I said she can't legally be required to work.

Move out. Problem solved.

OP, you are a teacher, a profession that has 12 weeks of holiday a year. It is not being unemployed. Your daily rate takes those 12 weeks into consideration.
I used to save a portion of salary each month so I could enjoy the summer holidays freely.

If he's really desperate for the work to be done, you can charge him at your professional daily rate. That is what your time and qualifications are worth, otherwise he is just insulting you by treating you like a bored 15 year old in need of pocket money.

Unfortunately this is always the case when you live at home even as an adult. I lived with my mum on and off throughout my 20s and because I was under her roof even though contributing, it was much easier for her to control my life in a way. From always checking where I was going or what time I'd be back. In one way it's quite normal for them to be like this when you're living under their roof because they're in that parent mode where they see your every move. that's why it's healthier to move out and have your own space. What you do while you're not working isn't any business of theirs unless it affects them personally or financially and in your case it doesn't.

It’s not always the case!

My Dd lived at home until he could afford to move out. I never treated him like this.