Boyfriend asked me to always have hair up at his flat

[Hairry]

I’m in a fairly new relationship. Boyfriend and I both in late 20s. So I’ve started to spend more overnights at bf’s flat. But had a funny conversation which just caught me off guard.

So I will boast by saying I am lucky to have very nice hair. Thanks to my Indian grandmother I have very thick, jet black hair. People often ask me which shampoo and conditioner I use. Happy to share. I am currently wearing it very long (just above waist) as I have some big events this summer and having luscious hair is a way to feel glammed up whilst wearing basic dresses/not too much make up.

Anyway, boyfriend clearly likes my hair. Touches it, plays with it etc. But the other day he said he is finding it everywhere and when I’m at his can I please wear it in a ponytail. He didn’t say it rudely. But it’s annoyed me as that’s just part of what comes with having long, dark hair.

I make sure to clear out drain, tie my hair up when cooking. But beyond wearing a hair net there’s no way to prevent strands of hair being around. It’s just annoyed me that he will play with my hair happily and “enjoy” it in one context but dislikes the realities of it.

Is this a red flag? Cause I’m genuinely annoyed. My dad and brothers dealt with it when I was growing up with my sisters who have similar hair.

@butterpuffed please share brand of anti-hair wrap vacuum!

The partner is being unrealistic.

I have hair that gets everywhere and I've staunched that by cutting it short. My son has the sort of lock OP is describing and it's a complete bugger.

The bf likes the hair to play with but doesn't want the downside. It's like wanting a puppy but moaning about clearing up puddles.

The upside comes with a downside, so yes, he needs to grow tf up.

Tying your hair back isn't going to make any difference, he needs to accept it's a part of you or not.

Not sure it's a red flag, sounds like he's just abit OCD about it, is he generally OK, he hasn't asked you to wear diff clothes or is weird about where you go? Would you mind putting it up or is it uncomfortable for you? Key prob is his reaction if you said "no, I'm more comfortable with my hair out", from how je reacts you can prob guage if this is a potential red flag...

I think your boyfriend is being very unreasonable. I've got waist length hair and have always taken care to pick up any hair that I shed, wherever I am. I don't see the point of having lovely long hair if you're going to tie it up.

Please share this hoover !!!!!

DDs and I have long hair but not as thick or dark as yours, and it does get everywhere.

These are very useful for carpets, bedding, sofas, stairs etc.

@TeaGinandFags

I'm not talking about the hair, I'm talking about the attitude. One partner telling the other one to 'grow up' isn't going to be found in any professional relationship advice, because it's unhealthy, dismissive, and rude. There are other ways to get across the message that his request isn't practical or effective. For example, saying to him that his request is neither practical nor effective, and explaining why. It's much less shitty to him.

I have a friend with this type of hair and find it everywhere when she stays. Sorry, it is annoying.

Would you be prepared to offer to hoover occasionally? Meet him half way?

Is this the only issue? I can't see how the BF is controlling. Waist long hair is exceptionally very long.... so I can see how it's annoying if your hair is all over the house.

I've always laid out a towel on my bed and brushed my hair into that. Then I gather up the hairs from the towel and hairbrush and throw them into the bin.

I also wash my hair over the tub and pick up any random hairs in the tub and set them aside to throw them in the bin.

However, the plug still gets hairs over time. If I notice the water is slow to drain, I clean out the plug. And if it's DH's turn to clean the bathroom he also cleans the plug. I've told him I can clean the plug out but he just cleans it himself and has never asked me to. He wears gloves when cleaning the bathroom, he would be put off my a random person's hairs but doesn't seem to be put off my mine.

I have short hair, it's thick, it sheds. Does not matter how often I brush it, it sheds.

My just below the shoulder thin hair gets everywhere so I can't imagine waist length thick! I don't think he's unreasonable but he is being unrealistic

Me and my cats both shed a lot of hair. I don't think wearing it in a ponytail would even make it less likely to drop?
Could you get a dustbuster/handheld vac that specialises in hair? We got one and it's great. It's quite satisfying using it as well!
But I wouldn't be keen on being told how to wear my hair by my partner, whatever the perceived reason. As long as you vac/pick up the hair surely it's just part of day to day cleaning?
Is he totally bald? If not then he must shed a certain amount of hair as well?

If he hasn't learned how to comprise in a relationship - he's probably not ready for one.

What? You mean compromise like the OP seems she clearly will not do, her attitude seems to be this is how it is, suck it up. (Or is that the vacuum cleaner?)

A friend of mine is shedding her long dark hair due to the menopause and while I understand she can't help it - and it's her house so I would never say anything - I do find my stomach churning a little at the hairs all over the floor, in the washbasin when I want to wash my hands after going to the loo, in the shower, on my (otherwise clean) bedsheets if I'm staying there for a few days.

It's a Shark cordless one. Bought it from Amazon a month ago , reduced by £100 and just checked , it still is !!

I shed a lot of hair and always now try to wear it in a ponytail around my house as it's so annoying having hair everywhere. So I don't think this is an unreasonable request or means he has an issue with your natural state at all

My ex used to moan about my hair. I put him in his place in our local pub. Said you lose hair as well. It's just less noticeable because it's shorter. Also said because of hormones I also lost hardly any when pregnant. But after birth you do so noticed it more.

But it was also used me hoovering it up not him. But on the other hand I used to get annoyed when his brother brought his dogs round when they were moulting. One dog used to hop from one knee to the other. She just wanted everyone to fuss over her. Their dog hair used to get everywhere.

Hahahahaha, What an odd request. He's in for a rude awakening.

My df ended up with a wife and four daughters all of whom had long, very thick hair. As you say, short of wearing a hair net, stray hair is inevitable.

Perhaps your boyfriend would prefer to be single.

He’s asked you nicely, he hasn’t told you, and clearly he loves your hair so there’s no need to see it as a personal attack. I find hair repulsive when it’s not attached to the head, I’ve got long hair myself and I wear it tied up at home for this very reason. It’s just one of those things. it’s a huge reach to call it a controlling relationship based only on this- you’re both having your reactions to something . the mature/polite thing would be to seek a compromise which works for you both and try to take down the drama around it

I'm on the fence. He asked nicely. Could be a PITA to hoover especially if he hasn't got a very good one, or it's a pain to unblock. You did say you couldn't think of a way to prevent hair everywhere other than a hairnet and he has provided an idea.

I've got long thick hair (plus a luscious bald patch thanks to radiotherapy) and wouldn't love to be asked this as I look nicer with hair down but if it was in a genuinely nice way for a practical reason, I would probably accept it. Nobody loves housework.

If its part of a pattern of making you feel unwelcome or fussing about inconsequential things, that's one issue. Saying 'my darling, you have the most radiant obsidian tresses and you know how much I love to admire their shine. However my shitty old Dyson simply isn't up to such a precious load. Sorry to ask but would you please consider tying it up where possible, just whilst in the house? You'd be saving me hours of chopping and swearing' could be another.

Especially those of us who use the showers at the gym and are constantly gagging at the large clumps of long hair left lying in there.

I shed like a golden retriever and my husband and any ex-boyfriends have just had to deal with it. I come with a lot of hair, that's how it is. I doubt many of them would have asked me out to begin with if I'd have been bald.

If this is a new relationship, just bin him & move on.
I have long thick hair, it sheds loads, its not ideal, it clogs the hoover, I have to unclog the shower drain regularly despite preventative measures.
It was absolutely insane when I had my post partum hair loss.
If he can't handle it now and get over it, then he'll be even more of a nuisance about it in the future.
You can't help you hair shedding & I wouldn't want to wear my hair up constantly either, the thickness/weight of it actually gives me a headache if I tie it up for long periods of time.
I still shed even when my hair is short, so there's no real solution to it, just our reality. If he doesn't accept it as a part of dating you then move on.

Well your dad made you. He doesn't have a choice. Your boyfriend however does.

Also, your hair length is a choice. You could cut it. You don't want to, and so shouldn't be made to. But it's still an active choice. Short, it'll still shed but less annoyance of having long hairs everywhere that are more noticeable.

It's just one of those things really. Everyone does things that will potentially annoy others. If the annoyance aren't enough you're incompatible.

Just tell him tying won't make it any better.